As some of you know I am unemployed, and it's been trying. Every Sunday I file and it's in my account on Tuesday. This Tuesday it wasn't there so I waited till today and it still wasn't there. I called and got the run around with automated services. I gave up and called one of my creditors to let them know my monthly bill would be late tomorrow. They said no problem and thank you for calling ahead of time "By the way I hear due to the holiday the unemployment payments won't pay out till Saturday for everyone." I said "Oh ok thanks."
Now I have been texting my friend since Nov 11th about her hosting Thanksgiving at her place in Boston. I didn't make her privy day to day of what I was going through financially because that's a very private matter. I told her today "I don't think I can make it tomorrow. I don't have gas money to get to Boston." We went back and forth via text and she ended up saying how she spent alot of money on food ($130), that this was planned ahead of time, that I really need to be there. There are VERY few people that have ever made me feel that wanted aside from Jamie and her family, so I swallow ALOT of pride and reached out to my mother to ask to borrow for gas. She agreed in the interim my friend hounded me that she would gift me the money and that's that. I hesitated AND even said "no friends don't borrow money" (I've done it in the past). Finally I relented and she put gas money in my savings. I was texting her "at the bank, getting gas now. All set for tomorrow." She says "What time you coming over?" I say "3?" She says "No 11am" I go "Oh ok." I was confused only because originally I was suppose to be there for 2 and we agreed on that, but never said anything. So just to confirm at this point:
- I didn't think I'd be able to make it.
- We figured out when she gifted me $40 I could use that money for gas and get there tomorrow at 11am.
Now she HAS seen alot of death and had a tough time, but EVERYONE has. No one has had a worse time than the next. Everyone, myself included, has had their own version of hell. And get this I was there for her through ALL OF HER HELL! I at least tried to be. Something I would never throw in her face, but I'm just stating the facts is when Brett died she nor none of my friends reached out to me. I didn't know how to deal with it so I didn't fault them for not being there to hold my hand; the only person I took to task was my roommate, and I apologized to him as that wasn't fair to him. She has all at once alienated all of our group because of the way she treated them (how she treated me tonight). So here I have one person yelling at me via text and another bullying me FOR NO REASON! When she bullied our other friends they simply ignored her texts and never responded to her ever again. I cared too much for our friendship to do that so I called her.
I thought having a phone conversation where I said my piece and she said hers would alleviate the situation. Nope. She didn't listen to ONE WORD I said. And like I stated because I didn't "acknowledge that I had to cancel after ALL the planning" I was "wrong." WRONG! There is that point in an argument when the person says "I'm the bad guy; I'm the asshole." And you are suppose to say "NO" but I went there and said "Yes you are the bad guy; yes you are being an asshole. Here's why..." I laid out my points very clear, drew out a timeline, I wasn't about to let someone bash me. But she continued. I even at one point said "our other friends ignored your texted. I care about you enough to pick up the phone and talk to you. Why do you think I did that? To be a mean person?" She really didn't respond to that. It went round and round where she was not understanding or listening to one word I said. I finally asked to borrow $20 from my mother (I put $20 in my gas tank for tomorrow) and mailed her the $40 tonight. I was on the phone with a mutual friend who I vented to. Not to take sides but I really wanted my friend to tell me if I was being an asshole. Cuz if I was I had no problems calling up and apologizing. I gave my friend the timeline, read emails past and WHILE they were coming in, and my friend was stated "I don't see how you're an asshole." I do not have to be right all the time, but if I'm wrong I want someone to show me so I can understand and take that forward.
After mailing out the money I decide that I need I will let things cool down. I then get an email from her replying to my book sequel I wrote "Please remove me from all lists. I read your first book I don't wish to be violated by a second." It's funny cuz it was just a few weeks ago I said to her "Man, maybe I'm not a good writer. I should give it up." She said "No you're an amazing writer; so creative. Keep at it. Don't let your temporary situation affect your long term goals." SHE SAID THIS NOT ME! She at the time inspired me. I then get an email from my friend saying "Who is _____?" My heart dropped. I said why? Wondering if this person contacted my friends. Well this person DID; when she replied to me she hit reply to all.
That is why I'm writing this. Not to say who's right or wrong but for my friends whom I love to get the story all at once. These two people are no longer part of my life; you can say nasty things in anger but you can't UNSAY them. I cannot have people in my life add to stress. It's one thing to get into a tiff and small argument, but quite another to attack me, bully me, and make my friends uncomfortable. A few more friends are considering replying with a piece of their mind. I do NOT want you to engage her. PLEASE let it go. I do not wish her ill will; I do not wish her harm. What has been said has been said, and what has been done has been done.
I, David Michael O'Quinn, refuse to be bullied by ANYONE. Having said that there's a huge difference. My seesters Jamie and Mandee tease me about shit but I know it's to either get me bothered (they sometimes like poking a bear) or because they REALLY are kidding around. They've never been malicious or rude or vicious. THIS WAS VICIOUS! From not one but two people. Larry did that too and unfortunately I had to let him go too.
It's not an easy decision to end a friendship as I said before with the Larry situation, but when verbal abuse and being told "I will sue you" that's just do not pass go, do not collect $200. Friendship ending talk. I was asking our mutual friend "HOW do things get there in this person's head?" How do you go from zero to backstab in 45 minutes?
I don't know if there really is a lesson to be learned here. Up till today things were fine with she and I. I definitely HEARD how she treated others, but she didn't treat me that way so I didn't take it for gospel I guess. But today it became evident. I am not going to "stay on my guard" with all my friends. None of my other friends have "rumors that they are vicious and hateful" about them. What is so confusing is her forgetting how I stood up for her when her last roommate claimed she attacked her; there was a 30 minute screaming match between the roommates. I didn't see it, but the other roommate and her friend were so belligerent I was of course supportive. Thinking about that the other mutual friend that tried bullying me bullied them too. I'm not naming names on purpose because I've never mentioned them before in this blog. It makes me call into question everything she's ever said now. Hmmm
But I do want to apologize to my friends that received that email. Again I am taking the high road and I know you will too. I love that you are protective of me, but Thanksgiving is TOMORROW I think we should focus more on the good than the bad. I told my mutual friend you can take the power away from a bully by not engaging them. :)
Update 1: One of my friends ending up responding to her. He basically told her if you were any kind of friend you wouldn't have said what you said LOL What upsets me is she went for my heart. She told me I'm a shitty writer and to hang it up; now had she said this MONTHS ago I'd be ok with that, but she's saying it as we are ending our friendship which raises the question has she been lying this whole time OR is she saying whatever to be a asshole? Either way I cannot forgive her. I've gotten into arguments/disagreements with other friends before and I'm sure I will in the future. But what's different about this one is it's not about defending ourselves or opinions she's ATTACKING me. That's not okay. I will not allow MY FRIENDS to attack me. What's worse my friend that replied to her is SO MUCH MORE upset than I am. He's actually very upset.
Update 2: My brother-in-law says to me "I know that your plans fell through in Boston, but I'm sure glad you came over." I spent the day with my "friblings" (friends that are like siblings). SOOOOOOOOOOOO much better, no drama. I just really enjoyed myself.