the one about blogging
So I might be offered the chance to have my blog get paid by post. This would be awesome and exiting at the same time. I could possibly get a fan base and maybe move some books lol I will keep you posted. I previously registered another blog but have closed that blog. We shall see anyways time for bed.
A courage strains after the corpse.
the one about Twitter
So my friend Michael introduced me to Twitter. I had no idea about how it "worked" so I didn't use it. Fast forward two years later and I love it. It's not like Facebook where I update it regularly, but when something is funny or I wanna get a mass message out.
What has surprised me is that it's replaced Publicists for celebrities. If you see a verification check mark next to a celebrity's twitter account that indicates they are the real deal (usually).
One of my favorite pasttimes is to tweet celebs like I know them. I figure once I get famous I already will have a rapport with them so it'll be fine. And I've gotten a few retweets back and replies. What really shocked me is a few celebs have followed me back.
So you can follow a person's twitter and get updates on their tweets. I of course have mostly my friends and a few celebs. And a few celebs have followed me. One that meant ALOT to me is Mike Ruiz. He's a famous openly gay celebrity photographer. When I become famous he will be my industry dad. The man is inspirational and amazing. I love love love him.
Another celeb that follows me: Alex Pettyfer. Don't know him? He's the star of "I Am Number Four" YUP! I said the star. I damn near squealed for joy when I saw that. It started cuz I saw his tweets were all about how people are fake and can't be trusted so I tweeted
"Alex, spend more time on people that adore you and less on people that abhor you."
He retweeted, favorited, then followed me. Did this make my day? You damn right it did! I'm still in shock over it! So amazing! And then the big one. After Lately (Chelsea Lately's tv show) followed me. WHAT?! Are you kidding me?! Like wow.
I know it's silly to get excited about trivial stuff, but it's the lil moments in my life that make me smile :) I heart Twitter muchly hehe
What has surprised me is that it's replaced Publicists for celebrities. If you see a verification check mark next to a celebrity's twitter account that indicates they are the real deal (usually).
One of my favorite pasttimes is to tweet celebs like I know them. I figure once I get famous I already will have a rapport with them so it'll be fine. And I've gotten a few retweets back and replies. What really shocked me is a few celebs have followed me back.
So you can follow a person's twitter and get updates on their tweets. I of course have mostly my friends and a few celebs. And a few celebs have followed me. One that meant ALOT to me is Mike Ruiz. He's a famous openly gay celebrity photographer. When I become famous he will be my industry dad. The man is inspirational and amazing. I love love love him.
Another celeb that follows me: Alex Pettyfer. Don't know him? He's the star of "I Am Number Four" YUP! I said the star. I damn near squealed for joy when I saw that. It started cuz I saw his tweets were all about how people are fake and can't be trusted so I tweeted
"Alex, spend more time on people that adore you and less on people that abhor you."
He retweeted, favorited, then followed me. Did this make my day? You damn right it did! I'm still in shock over it! So amazing! And then the big one. After Lately (Chelsea Lately's tv show) followed me. WHAT?! Are you kidding me?! Like wow.
I know it's silly to get excited about trivial stuff, but it's the lil moments in my life that make me smile :) I heart Twitter muchly hehe
the one about advertising for my book
So I came up with two marketing plans for the book. One is an email chain letter briefly describing the book and I asked my friends to pass it along. The second is advertising a Broadcast Message on Grindr.
I forget how I came up with the Grindr one. Oh wait I remember. I had put that I wrote a book in my profile. Well when I'd log on guys would ask about it. So I searched online and found out when you log onto Grindr there's sometimes a pop-up that appears. It's a message and then says "Close" or "More" if you hit "More" you get sent to the website where pertaining to the message. Perfect for my book right?! Been talking back and forth with the Marketing guy at Grindr. Paid $200 for him a Broadcast Message to run yesterday in Vermont and Maine, today in Wyoming, tomorrow in North Dakota, and next Tuesday in South Dakota and Nebraska. COMBINED these states have a population of 4.92 million people. If even a third is gay and then a third of that buys my book I will be in GREAT shape financially!
Yes yes I know it is a huge deal I even wrote, completed, and published this book. But this is my dream. I created this book so that I could get into show business. This is my "big break." If this fails I'm gonna be disappointed. There's so much riding on the success of this. And I want to self-publish. I don't want to rely on a publisher whom I'm client fifty out of sixty. I want to do this on my own on my own merit.
Let's hope these two recent campaigns work. (crosses fingers)
Midafternoon update: So I am able to check sales report on Createspace and was SUPER depressed that the campaign ran yesterday with ZERO sales. I questioned my dreams and whether I should write again. Then I get an email from the Marketing guy that I should provide a link that's not a facebook link but rather a place to order the book. I let him know "Here is the form again. I don't know you got the facebook link but I didn't put that link on the form." I was polite after all. I'm just happy it was HIS error not my writing sucked haha So he is going to rerun the campaign. Fingers crossed again. I put the amazon address. You can actually get the book at a slight discount AND it's available on the Kindle.
If you wish here it is:
http://www.amazon.com/What-Want-David-Michael-OQuinn/dp/1463765037
Feel free to purchase for a gift or yourself :) Gotta treat yourself during the holiday right?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
update 12/22
So I had zero sales again BUT I did notice the wording I wrote was not very jazzy. I talked to the Marketing guy, spruced up the wording, and he's like "I will not only rerun your ad for Vermont and Maine BUT I will add more states." See what being positive does? I think others would've yelled and screamed but not me. OMG why don't I follow Grindr on Twitter?! Brilliant.
I forget how I came up with the Grindr one. Oh wait I remember. I had put that I wrote a book in my profile. Well when I'd log on guys would ask about it. So I searched online and found out when you log onto Grindr there's sometimes a pop-up that appears. It's a message and then says "Close" or "More" if you hit "More" you get sent to the website where pertaining to the message. Perfect for my book right?! Been talking back and forth with the Marketing guy at Grindr. Paid $200 for him a Broadcast Message to run yesterday in Vermont and Maine, today in Wyoming, tomorrow in North Dakota, and next Tuesday in South Dakota and Nebraska. COMBINED these states have a population of 4.92 million people. If even a third is gay and then a third of that buys my book I will be in GREAT shape financially!
Yes yes I know it is a huge deal I even wrote, completed, and published this book. But this is my dream. I created this book so that I could get into show business. This is my "big break." If this fails I'm gonna be disappointed. There's so much riding on the success of this. And I want to self-publish. I don't want to rely on a publisher whom I'm client fifty out of sixty. I want to do this on my own on my own merit.
Let's hope these two recent campaigns work. (crosses fingers)
Midafternoon update: So I am able to check sales report on Createspace and was SUPER depressed that the campaign ran yesterday with ZERO sales. I questioned my dreams and whether I should write again. Then I get an email from the Marketing guy that I should provide a link that's not a facebook link but rather a place to order the book. I let him know "Here is the form again. I don't know you got the facebook link but I didn't put that link on the form." I was polite after all. I'm just happy it was HIS error not my writing sucked haha So he is going to rerun the campaign. Fingers crossed again. I put the amazon address. You can actually get the book at a slight discount AND it's available on the Kindle.
If you wish here it is:
http://www.amazon.com/What-Want-David-Michael-OQuinn/dp/1463765037
Feel free to purchase for a gift or yourself :) Gotta treat yourself during the holiday right?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
update 12/22
So I had zero sales again BUT I did notice the wording I wrote was not very jazzy. I talked to the Marketing guy, spruced up the wording, and he's like "I will not only rerun your ad for Vermont and Maine BUT I will add more states." See what being positive does? I think others would've yelled and screamed but not me. OMG why don't I follow Grindr on Twitter?! Brilliant.
Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol
 |
So I saw an early screening. It was really uneven. Parts were slow. It was not as well written as the third for me. Why I liked the third so much was Ethan was on a professional and personal mission. This one starts off the same way "rogue team" on a mission.
The stunts are what draw me in. Tom Cruise hanging on the side of a building by his HANDS ONLY made the movie Vertigo look like practice.
And anyone who knows me knows I love when girls kick butt. Paula Patton isn't a strinking wallflower. She FIGHTS LIKE A DUDE in this. All with makeup perfect in a nice dress of course hahaha Simon Peg is the "comic" relief but I feel the chemistry between Tom Cruise and Jeremy Renner is so much funnier. They are like str8 guys whom wanna make out with each other but don't wanna tell anyone. AMAZING chemistry.
The ending was A-MAH-ZING! And lemme tell you I've NEVER thought Jeremy Renner was attractive. Amazing actor, but him in a suit changed my mind. And there's a scene where he shows his bubble butt (not naked)...WOWSERS!
Oops sorry back to the actual movie haha Overall good. Best seen in the theaters.
Young Adult
 |
So Young Adult stars Charlize Theron as a "successful" writer who goes back home to win back the man she loves. Only he's married with a newborn. Does that stop her? Nah. In her words to him "We can get through this. Together."
It has it's funny moments but without ruining it I'm not sure what it was about. I'm a person who when I see a movie I like to "learn a lesson" and not sure what lesson I learned from this.
Charlize gave a great performance though. It was pretty hilarious at parts...and cringeworthy at others. I like the new trend in Hollywood of women doing things that gross you out or as sleezy as men have been doing for years. Charlize's character Mavis DEFINITELY accomplished that.
All in all it was a good movie. I'm not waiting for it on DVD to purchase but I'm ok that I saw it.
Ps. to gay men and women Patrick Wilson unshaven and in a flannel is STILL FRACKIN GORGEOUS!
The Hunger Games
In the first book it explains all of these three symbols so I won't give it away. The first book was A-MAH-ZING! Loved, loved, loved it. The second book has so far been slow. The third I hear is like the first very fast paced.
What I love about this book is it's universal. It's about a teen girl named Katniss whom is basically raising her kid sister Primrose while her out of sorts mom is grieving the death of their father. It's set in apocalyptic US now called Panem and houses 13 Districts (instead of states) with the Capitol being the capitol of the entire country. Each district is has it's own subculture and income classes. They range from very wealthy that have endless supply of grain and running water to impoverish living in huts and hunting rabbits and wild dog for food.
The startling part is you relate it to your own life. At least I did. Katniss is a dreamer set in reality. She has dreams and aspirations but does what she has to to take care of her family. HELLO does Suzanne Collins know me? LOL
Anyways if you have read The Twilight Series and not jumped off a bridge from Bella's incessant whining and cooing then you'll LOVE Katniss. She is the complete opposite. The relationships she encounters are different. She's stronger than Bella and much more likely. You can follow her train of thought and you care about her from chapter one on!
Ps. the movie to the first book The Hunger Games comes out March 2013. Read it first then do a Wikipedia search on the cast. PERFECTLY casted!
the one dedicated to Scott Maziroff 1968-2011
I was shocked and saddened to hear about the suicide of this man I never met.
Scott Maziroff was a 51 year old openly gay Financial Advisor in the entertainment world. He was successful and gorgeous. Everything a gay wants to be...or marry :)
On December 3, 2011 he committed suicide. Why? Only his friends and family know. Or maybe they don't. So what's this have to do with me? Why am I so devastated by this?
My close friends and family know since I was in high school being a writer/actor has been my dream. I even went to college to get my business degree so I can run my own movie studio one day. The thought that one day I achieve my goals and could possibly be sad enough to end my life is a mortatily issue I never thought about.
It rocked me to my core that sometimes when you aspire to something you can still be unhappy. Why? I told a couple friends about this and they too were like "He had it all." Maybe he didn't. I don't want to do that.
Right now I am in a funk. I have my book out and it's not selling. Part of me was like "That was a dream wasted." But a bigger part of me was like "YOU HAVE YOUR BOOK OUT BITCH! This is what you've wanted for 20 plus years. That's a huge accomplishment. So what if no one is buying it. Your best friend loved it and wants you to write a sequel." No matter what else I do in my life I know I can accomplish a goal I set. This is just the first.
Because of this I decided to do something I felt weird about...make another YouTube video. I made my first YouTube video to let teens know not to kill themselves and I completely was not even thinking about adults till Scott killed himself. Adults are JUST as unhappy as kids sometimes. Even moreso cuz they are at the point they can change things and they feel they can't.
So here's my video. I don't think I have the answers to life, but I hope by watching this you rethink a decision that's lasting, forever, and can affect many lives not just yourself. You can't change the past but you can always change your present and future.
David Michael O'Quinn
the one about resolutions
So Ben and I had a long talk and I think we are destined for friendship. I had hopes of rekindling things, but you know that's just not in the cards. I realized that sometimes in life you can't go backwards but you can go insightfully forward. The first thing we admitted on the phone with each other that we missed contact with one another. Maybe that's enough. Maybe me wanting him back is more about wanting his friendship than anything. He's got a boyfriend and I'm not a homewrecker.
Another thing that happened was I met a guy about six years ago. He was really nice and GORGEOUS. Well we "hooked up" and then things got awkward. We lost touch, I moved to Boston. And that was that. Fast forward to today and we go on an official date and it was AWESOME! It was a first date so I'm not gonna buy china patterns, but it just felt good to connect with someone again. Giving me hope ya know?
And yet again I hung out with Mandee and her family. Growing up Mandee and I ebbed in and out of a fantastic relationship. I always felt closer to her than anyone cuz we both grew up without dads. But our personalities were just a good fit. NOW that we are grown up every single time we hang out we laugh so hard our cheeks hurt. Her family is hilarious. I've always been close to Ashley for YEARS. But my relationship with Mandee is just...hilarious. I don't think I've laughed so hard in my life. Her son Tyler is my kid brother. Seriously whenever he's around me he's at my side. I walked in the other day and he's sitting in his chair...THREE YEARS OLD (or maybe four. I always forget) and he goes "OH MY GOD GIVE ME A HUG!" I damn near fell over laughing.
I am slowly resolving to get this book off the ground. Because it's not sold in Barnes & Noble stores I can't do a book signing. :( I am trying to get more word of mouth. But this marketing thing is TOUGH!
Another thing that happened was I met a guy about six years ago. He was really nice and GORGEOUS. Well we "hooked up" and then things got awkward. We lost touch, I moved to Boston. And that was that. Fast forward to today and we go on an official date and it was AWESOME! It was a first date so I'm not gonna buy china patterns, but it just felt good to connect with someone again. Giving me hope ya know?
And yet again I hung out with Mandee and her family. Growing up Mandee and I ebbed in and out of a fantastic relationship. I always felt closer to her than anyone cuz we both grew up without dads. But our personalities were just a good fit. NOW that we are grown up every single time we hang out we laugh so hard our cheeks hurt. Her family is hilarious. I've always been close to Ashley for YEARS. But my relationship with Mandee is just...hilarious. I don't think I've laughed so hard in my life. Her son Tyler is my kid brother. Seriously whenever he's around me he's at my side. I walked in the other day and he's sitting in his chair...THREE YEARS OLD (or maybe four. I always forget) and he goes "OH MY GOD GIVE ME A HUG!" I damn near fell over laughing.
I am slowly resolving to get this book off the ground. Because it's not sold in Barnes & Noble stores I can't do a book signing. :( I am trying to get more word of mouth. But this marketing thing is TOUGH!
Immortals
Henry Cavill in a sandal and swords movie. The producers of 300. Greek mythology. YES PLEASE. But the only thing this movie delivers on is Greek mythology. And since I don't know it that could be mucked up too.
Henry wasn't even half naked. If anyone saw 300 the story was off the chizain. And the men were half naked. I call this movie Clash of the 300s. It was not very good. And there were gory parts that made me WINCE!
The only saving grace is the INCREDIBLE Mickey Rourke. Yes he's creepy and a very very bad villian but he's the shot in the arm this movie needed. I kept rooting for HIM more than the good guys haha
I'd prefer a Clash of the Titans sequel to another Immortals movie. Just didn't do it for me.
Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 1
Whenever you read a book and then see the movie you think "the book was better." And in some cases that rings true with this series, but I give much props to KStew. She IS what I pictured Bella like. Awkwardlishly girly. She's really a good actress. I can see her winning an Oscar at some point. Clearly not for this movie, but her portrayal of Bella has been amazing. I can't see anyone else playing this role.
As for the guys, RPatz and TyLau are meh. I've been Team Jacob from day one and this movie didn't change anything. The one thing this movie DIDN'T do was play the other characters as well. This isn't giving away spoilers by saying the baby is half human/vampire and is basically parasitic to Bella. In the book Edward wants to kill the baby to save Bella. Rosalie wants to KEEP the baby no matter what happens to Bella. Jacob sides with Edward. Others join in and weigh on the issue. There's a divide where you KNOW Bella's gonna live but you wanna hear every side of the argument and opinions are divided. There was none of that in the movie. That was disappointing. That's the only place the movie fell flat. It HAD time to explain WHY it'd be divided. Rosalie even said in the last movie that she wanted to have a baby. And this was when Rosalie and Bella really became friends.
Other than that it was good. I recommend it to Twihard fans.
J. Edgar
I'm not a political person and the movie was written in a way that you didn't need to be. Heck you didn't even need to know that much about the CIA. But following the story was easy.
The rumors I had heard about J. Edgar was he was a cross-dressing closeted gay. They were addressed in a way that neither deemed or trampled his memory either.
For his performance Leonardo reminded me alot of his portrayal of Howard Hughes in "The Aviator" which he was nominated for an Academy Award. Well he will WIN for his portrayal of J. Edgar. He's more nuanced and tortured than Howard. And Leo is long overdue. Armie Hammer will be nominated for his supporting role as well. He won't win, but his performance was that of a seasoned vet and it's only his second or third major role. His last movie "The Social Network" he played IDENTICAL TWINS!
Dustin Lance Black did it again too. He'll win for Original Screenplay as well as Clint for Best Directing. Powerful movie.
the one about saying goodbye to Lady GeGe/hello to confidence
So as you can tell by the title I'm saying goodbye to her. My beloved Lady GeGe that I've only had for 9 months is gone. They listed her as a total loss. I am heartbroken literally. I know it's weird, but I grew attached to my car. It was my dream car. I loved it. Now what? Going through the process of settling and then getting a new one but I'll keep you posted.
In the meantime I've gotten bold. Commenting on celeb's tweets and fb status like I know them. Boldly posting my YouTube clip on their walls. And just being alot more creative in my marketing scheme. Part of me is sick of talking about my book. Part of me wants so badly to get this off the shelves and into everyone's home. Two people I've been celebstalking.
Once I get famous it will be my personal mission to befriend Rodiney Santiago and Mike Ruiz. Rodiney reminds me of my Brazilian customers from BofA that I miss. He's so much fun as a friend I can tell. And Mike will be my voice of reason.
Week isn't over yet but I put in a call to a dealership in Hartford to get a new car. I will call my insurance company tomorrow to see how much of a check I'm getting. They said "the appraiser found the loss to be above our threshold of total loss. we have assigned a total loss rep to your claim." Sounds promising no?
As far as my book I think I am on a path. Something in my bones tells me this book will be huge within 6 months. I need to keep focusing on that thought.
Night Lady GeGe.
the one about the celebrity's life
So a lightbulb went off in my head yesterday...why don't I hire Alice to be my publicist? She is a marketer by trade AND she literally is my biggest fan. Whom else would be better to help me promote my book, blog, and YouTube video?
I sent a copy of my book to Ramiro from Jamn 94.5 whom let Melissa (whom I LOVE and talk to on FB) read the book. She's reading it now. So I could have their fans all over it should she like it. THEN I asked the owner of Club Cafe Jim to see if he could promote it and maybe I could do a book signing. I know I don't know where this confidence suddenly came from.
Alice is also editing my book. I pray it does fantastic because I not only want to of course get into the business, but helping gay teens even just one make him NOT hurt himself because he sees a poor black openly gay kid from Feeding Hills, MA grows up, writes a book, makes millions, and becomes a famous screenwriter/movie star. I would love to be that success rags to riches story you read about but never actually see.
I cannot even tell you how much support I have from people when I talk about my book or even when I tell them about what it's about. I'll be honest sometimes I get embarrassed. Not about the book itself but I feel like I'm bragging. Yeah I wrote a book. WHO THE EFF AM I?
Anyways it lead me to think I have such amazing people in my life how do I keep that? How do I keep people around me that I care about? Easy hire them. I have an entire list (I've always been a lister) of people I intent to employ when I make it. Wow I typed when without hesitating. Didn't even type if/when. Sorry anyways yeah I am so pumped about this chapter of my life. :D Please hurry hahaha
I sent a copy of my book to Ramiro from Jamn 94.5 whom let Melissa (whom I LOVE and talk to on FB) read the book. She's reading it now. So I could have their fans all over it should she like it. THEN I asked the owner of Club Cafe Jim to see if he could promote it and maybe I could do a book signing. I know I don't know where this confidence suddenly came from.
Alice is also editing my book. I pray it does fantastic because I not only want to of course get into the business, but helping gay teens even just one make him NOT hurt himself because he sees a poor black openly gay kid from Feeding Hills, MA grows up, writes a book, makes millions, and becomes a famous screenwriter/movie star. I would love to be that success rags to riches story you read about but never actually see.
I cannot even tell you how much support I have from people when I talk about my book or even when I tell them about what it's about. I'll be honest sometimes I get embarrassed. Not about the book itself but I feel like I'm bragging. Yeah I wrote a book. WHO THE EFF AM I?
Anyways it lead me to think I have such amazing people in my life how do I keep that? How do I keep people around me that I care about? Easy hire them. I have an entire list (I've always been a lister) of people I intent to employ when I make it. Wow I typed when without hesitating. Didn't even type if/when. Sorry anyways yeah I am so pumped about this chapter of my life. :D Please hurry hahaha
the one about my life as a sitcom
So I had an epiphany that my life is truly like a sitcom...or dramedy.
A few weeks ago my trainer Christian and myself, Matt, Rich, and Jami were discussing how Mongoloid is a derogatory term for people with Down's Syndrome. Christian was adamant it wasn't till he looked it up. We all agreed.
Fast forward Sunday when I'm talking to my bff's mother-in-law about AMERICAN HORROR STORY.
Me: Oh Jessica Lange is outstanding.
She: Yes and her Mongoloid daughter is a terrific actress.
I literally felt the camera zoom in and my jaw drop as she turned around and handed out candy to the trunk or treaters. I may have heard a laugh track can't be sure.
It's just funny how things in life happen like that. I swear I'm on my own tv show called "...my C average life." Other things have happened to lead me to this hypothesis. I tell you I'm seriously in a dramedy.
A few weeks ago my trainer Christian and myself, Matt, Rich, and Jami were discussing how Mongoloid is a derogatory term for people with Down's Syndrome. Christian was adamant it wasn't till he looked it up. We all agreed.
Fast forward Sunday when I'm talking to my bff's mother-in-law about AMERICAN HORROR STORY.
Me: Oh Jessica Lange is outstanding.
She: Yes and her Mongoloid daughter is a terrific actress.
I literally felt the camera zoom in and my jaw drop as she turned around and handed out candy to the trunk or treaters. I may have heard a laugh track can't be sure.
It's just funny how things in life happen like that. I swear I'm on my own tv show called "...my C average life." Other things have happened to lead me to this hypothesis. I tell you I'm seriously in a dramedy.
the one about living an optomistic life
So I cannot stress how positivity leads to winning. I refuse to let the shackles of bad vibes shake me.
For some reason I felt yesterday "This is gonna be a bad week." But ya know last week I was broke and had no power, that was a bad week. And everyday there was "something." This week I need to change my attitude. Do I still feel like it's going to be a bad week? Kinda. But ya know what my only resolve is no matter what happens I will not get down on myself.
Saturday I woke up at 3am with power (as you know) and then went back to sleep. Well I woke up at 9am and started watching HULU PLUS on my Xbox. Went through some shows then I texted my str8 boyfriend James. We drove into Boston! It was awesome.
Ate a Maggiano's, went to see Tower Heist, walked around a bit. Hung out at Club Cafe. We had so much fun talking and laughin and I realized I've known him since 2004 and we are closer than ever. Am I the long-term friendship guy? I totally am.
And last night as I was standing outside in the cold hanging out candy at the Trunk or Treat (where you give out candy from the trunk of your car) I looked around for a minute.
Earlier in the night I was a little annoyed running around finding candy for sale then I saw it.
Kids all dressed in their Halloween costumes running around playing tag. Others going trunk to trunk saying "trick or treat." My three sisters and their husbands and kids. Jamie's DAD and stepmom even came out. Hugged Mandee's mother-in-law. And I realized this is what life's about...again! Mandee's sister-in-law Jen goes "Did you get power? I was thinking about you all weekend." I just MET her and she's worried about me? How awesome is that?
I drove home smiling. I didn't earn anything from that. I shelled out money for candy. Stood in the freezing cold. And talking to people. I really loved it.
I need more weekends like this. Weekends where I am filling my time with constructive things that are fun to do.
Ok well I'm off to work meeting. And I promise to keep my positive outlook :)
For some reason I felt yesterday "This is gonna be a bad week." But ya know last week I was broke and had no power, that was a bad week. And everyday there was "something." This week I need to change my attitude. Do I still feel like it's going to be a bad week? Kinda. But ya know what my only resolve is no matter what happens I will not get down on myself.
Saturday I woke up at 3am with power (as you know) and then went back to sleep. Well I woke up at 9am and started watching HULU PLUS on my Xbox. Went through some shows then I texted my str8 boyfriend James. We drove into Boston! It was awesome.
Ate a Maggiano's, went to see Tower Heist, walked around a bit. Hung out at Club Cafe. We had so much fun talking and laughin and I realized I've known him since 2004 and we are closer than ever. Am I the long-term friendship guy? I totally am.
And last night as I was standing outside in the cold hanging out candy at the Trunk or Treat (where you give out candy from the trunk of your car) I looked around for a minute.
Earlier in the night I was a little annoyed running around finding candy for sale then I saw it.
Kids all dressed in their Halloween costumes running around playing tag. Others going trunk to trunk saying "trick or treat." My three sisters and their husbands and kids. Jamie's DAD and stepmom even came out. Hugged Mandee's mother-in-law. And I realized this is what life's about...again! Mandee's sister-in-law Jen goes "Did you get power? I was thinking about you all weekend." I just MET her and she's worried about me? How awesome is that?
I drove home smiling. I didn't earn anything from that. I shelled out money for candy. Stood in the freezing cold. And talking to people. I really loved it.
I need more weekends like this. Weekends where I am filling my time with constructive things that are fun to do.
Ok well I'm off to work meeting. And I promise to keep my positive outlook :)
the one about since I've been back...boy have things changed
So I need to vent about this. I realized since I've been back I have not had the same relationship with certain friends as I did when I left.
It almost feels like they were mad at me for leaving and now that I'm back they are punishing me by not hanging out with me. I kept in contact with them throughout the whole time I was gone. Emailing, calling, texting when I was home. Or randomly while I was there. I get back and nothing. My FAVORITE is my friend whom got mad at me for no COMMUNICATED reason to me prior to me leaving and has since gotten married and not responded to my email of "hey it's been years how about we move on and get back to our friendship." I made sure not to place blame anywhere cuz that never solves anything. But nothing.
It's a stark contrast to the compassion I've been shown since my accident. And the most odd part I've MOSTLY hung out with Jamie and her family whereas before I didn't hang out with them as much as I do now. It boggles my mind.
The dating scene TERRIFIES me. I am my usual flirty self but these guys want everything up front. Sex. Relationship. You name it. I did that in the past. Wanna try another approach. And they aren't receptive when I tell them no. It's like telling a child they can't do something and the child stamping his feet and lashing out.
Most of my time has like I said been spent with Jamie's family, a few friends that ACTUALLY make time to hang out, catching up with some that I truly understand are busy (so we talk via email or text or phone), and alone. If you told me I wouldn't hang out with my usual friends from before a year ago I wouldn't have believed you. It's like that just stopped talking to me when I moved back.
Part of me is sad and part of me is like "let them be. What will happen happen." Guess maybe I should take a page and just simply move on huh?
It almost feels like they were mad at me for leaving and now that I'm back they are punishing me by not hanging out with me. I kept in contact with them throughout the whole time I was gone. Emailing, calling, texting when I was home. Or randomly while I was there. I get back and nothing. My FAVORITE is my friend whom got mad at me for no COMMUNICATED reason to me prior to me leaving and has since gotten married and not responded to my email of "hey it's been years how about we move on and get back to our friendship." I made sure not to place blame anywhere cuz that never solves anything. But nothing.
It's a stark contrast to the compassion I've been shown since my accident. And the most odd part I've MOSTLY hung out with Jamie and her family whereas before I didn't hang out with them as much as I do now. It boggles my mind.
The dating scene TERRIFIES me. I am my usual flirty self but these guys want everything up front. Sex. Relationship. You name it. I did that in the past. Wanna try another approach. And they aren't receptive when I tell them no. It's like telling a child they can't do something and the child stamping his feet and lashing out.
Most of my time has like I said been spent with Jamie's family, a few friends that ACTUALLY make time to hang out, catching up with some that I truly understand are busy (so we talk via email or text or phone), and alone. If you told me I wouldn't hang out with my usual friends from before a year ago I wouldn't have believed you. It's like that just stopped talking to me when I moved back.
Part of me is sad and part of me is like "let them be. What will happen happen." Guess maybe I should take a page and just simply move on huh?
Once Upon A Time
ONCE UPON A TIME on ABC is TV series about what happens AFTER Snow White marries Prince Charming produced by J.J. Abrams of LOST fame.
Snow White played by Ginnfer Goodwin is awakened by Prince Charming from her slumber of death by his kiss. At their wedding Snow's stepmother the Evil Queen puts a curse that she will take away their happiness like Snow took hers. Snow sends her daughter Emma away with the advice of Rumplestilskin.
Fast forward to present day Henry goes to Boston, shows up on Emma Swan's doorstep, claiming to be her son she gave up for adoption. Emma drives Henry back to Storybook Maine where he tells her all the townspeople are storybook characters they just don't remember because of the curse put on by the Evil Queen aka his adoptive mother.
Interesting right?! Think Desperate Housewives meets Lost. There are so many SMART (not confusing) twists and turns you can't figure it out...and you don't want to. It's a show you wish was 24 hours long so you could continiously watch.
My only fear is that it will go the way of his other shows. LOST, FELICITY, and ALIAS all suffered greatly after season 3. Season 4 of each series BOMBED ROYALLY! Here's hoping he stops this show after season 3 OR figures out a way to NOT suck.
If there is a show to take the place of DH once it's off the air it's this show. It's definitely a sleeper as few people know about it. When they do I have a feeling Lana Parrilla whom plays the Evil Queen will EXPLODE!
Why I say that is she was in the little seen TV show called WINDFALL with Luke Perry about a group of lottery winners. She was good but meh. This is her first real starring role. I predict during the life of the show she'll be nominated for and/or win a Primetime Emmy. The most evil character in TV history TRUST ME!
Please watch this show. If you want to be entertained intelligently you will :)
Tower Heist
My mother kept telling me that she couldn't wait to see this movie. I was appalled since it seemed like a terrible typical "black" comedy like Madea crap.
When I sat down with my str8 boyfriend James it said produced by Imagine Entertainment which is Ron Howard and Brian Glazer's company. Directed by Brett Ratner ("Rush Hour") and written by Ted Griffin (writer of "Ocean's Eleven" and "The Shield"). Suddenly I was interested.
Eddie Murphy does his best to shake "Donkey" persona with great results. Gabby Sidibe is HILARIOUS as a Jamaician maid with a spot-on accent. But it's the chemistry between Ben Stiller and Eddie Murphy that's hilarious added with Matthew Broderick and Casey Affleck! The four of them on-screen is one of the funniest foursomes I can remember. Ben is the hyper tensive one. Matthew is the nervous nelly. Casey is the straight-laced realistic one. And Eddie is the loose cannon. Michael Pena is added for a bit of spice. He is the one you know will do ANYTHING crazy!!!
Overall the movie is star-studded but hilarious. Think OCEAN'S ELEVEN meets RUSH HOUR. Tea Leoni, Alan Alda, and Judd Hirsch round out the cast. If you want a laugh with no real complex plot definitely go see this. You will laugh at some of the one-liners AND situations these people get themselves into.
It won't win any Oscars but it will definitely win your adoration!
the one where my power came back on
So Thursday night I couldn't take the cold and slept over Mandee's. We had so much fun yet again. Anyways during the day at work I had to move my car. Super Bass came on. I was like this means my power will be on. Noon on November 4th is what the recording to Western Mass Electric said. Nope. I was PISSED!
Went home wasn't so cold. Read Hunger Games for 5 chapters and went to bed. At 3am on Saturday I am woken up to my room light coming on and my phone charging. I damn near had a heart attack. Jumped out of bed ran around my house turning OFF lights. Woke my mom and brother up. Oh it was glorious. I watched Desperate Housewives and Law & Order SVU on my xbox through HuluPlus and then crashed at 7. Woke up at 9. Showered, got dressed, and headed out to Boston with my str8 bf.
Which is what I'm about to do now. UGH what a traumatic week this has been. I want things to go back to normal. No more drama!!!!!!! But I think the lesson learned are this:
Ok that's all. Off to Boston for the day!
Went home wasn't so cold. Read Hunger Games for 5 chapters and went to bed. At 3am on Saturday I am woken up to my room light coming on and my phone charging. I damn near had a heart attack. Jumped out of bed ran around my house turning OFF lights. Woke my mom and brother up. Oh it was glorious. I watched Desperate Housewives and Law & Order SVU on my xbox through HuluPlus and then crashed at 7. Woke up at 9. Showered, got dressed, and headed out to Boston with my str8 bf.
Which is what I'm about to do now. UGH what a traumatic week this has been. I want things to go back to normal. No more drama!!!!!!! But I think the lesson learned are this:
- Read again
- Get more sleep
- Be more compassionate
- Value friendships more
Ok that's all. Off to Boston for the day!
the Ides of March
George Clooney is back directing/co-writing and it couldn't be better. It's funny when he is involved behind the scenes the movies are much smarter. This included.
Academy Award Winner George Clooney is a senator running for Presidency with Academy Award Winner Philip Seymour Hoffman as his Campaign Manager and Academy Award Nominee Ryan Gosling as his Lobbyist. Rachel Evan Wood is sublime as an intern in the office. The chemistry between these four not to mention a few cameos from Academy Award Winner Marisa Tomei and Academy Award nominee Paul Giamatti were heaven.
There is not one fault in casting. One or two MINOR ones in the story but overall this is a powerful movie. It's not your usual political drama either. There's no booming love story. There's no big action scene. There's not a ton of backstabbing. There's this air of "Wait I have this figured out" to "I'm completely not sure what just happened" that sets this as one of my year's Top 10!
If I had to venture a guess it will net Ryan Gosling his second Academy Award nomination and MAY net Rachel Evan Wood her first ever. I could be wrong. I've been wrong in the past, but if Clooney isn't nominated for Best Original Screenplay and/or Directing the Academy is out of their collective minds!
Clint Eastwood should seriously watch out. Clooney is def nipping at his heels.
the one about everything old being new again
So I am back in the call center role. Officially as of Monday I'm a Customer Service Associate in the First Contact aka Worcester Call Center in Personal Lines (breathes) haha the people are very work-oriented but friendly. I don't THINK (I can't bet obviously) that I'll make the bonds that I made in my last department. But that's good! I want that work is work mentality. Definitely some cool people in the new department but I'm not about to befriend EVERYONE. One girl I think I will probably get super close to. She's really awesome.
Day 4 of no power so I've been reading Harry Potter. Almost done actually. Can't wait to read number two. I have been going to the movie a bit in my head, but still they are both great. The book spells out ALOT more than the movies and fills in gaps which I love. After this (waiting for book two) I'm going to read Candace Bushnell's book that's been sitting on my to-read list. Looks like I'm back to reading hehe
Also...I contacted Ben. DON'T JUDGE ME! So one of my friends was breaking up and getting back together with his girlfriend and I told him "Stop focusing on what she isn't and focus on what she is." Maybe that's been my problem with Ben all along. He's handsome. Smart. Made me laugh. Would lay down his life for me. And showed me in more than one way how much he cared about me. But I was so focused in on him NOT being a, b, and c that I didn't take him for what he is. After hearing about Kim Kardashian's 72 day marriage, I sat down the other day and tried to think "what are the characteristics of my soulmate that I can live with and live without." Ben wasn't PERFECT but he had alot of stuff on my "live with" side of the list. We've just been chatting via email for now. And I'm not saying I want to be back with him fully, but I think I'm open to A date with him again.
Reminds me. I was talking to Josh and he goes "You have changed from the last time we were dating." I said "Well gosh I hope I have changed in 3 years." And it got me thinking of how I have changed? I'm quicker to cut someone out of my life, but it's easier for me to let little things go. Example I haven't made a strong enough bond with my coworker friends that if they didn't wanna be talk I'd be ok. BUT if my mom says something kind of rude I let it go. She probably didn't mean it to come off that way and I have better fish to fry. Other things I noticed too. Just made me go "hmmm"
Anyways at lunch. Just called the garage that has my Lady GeGe. They are releasing it to the auto body shop that my insurance company is paying so probably by tomorrow I'll know the estimate of damage or if I have to replace her with Lady GeGe 2. Hmm if I get a new car it'd probably be a new name tho. Lemme think on this.
Day 4 of no power so I've been reading Harry Potter. Almost done actually. Can't wait to read number two. I have been going to the movie a bit in my head, but still they are both great. The book spells out ALOT more than the movies and fills in gaps which I love. After this (waiting for book two) I'm going to read Candace Bushnell's book that's been sitting on my to-read list. Looks like I'm back to reading hehe
Also...I contacted Ben. DON'T JUDGE ME! So one of my friends was breaking up and getting back together with his girlfriend and I told him "Stop focusing on what she isn't and focus on what she is." Maybe that's been my problem with Ben all along. He's handsome. Smart. Made me laugh. Would lay down his life for me. And showed me in more than one way how much he cared about me. But I was so focused in on him NOT being a, b, and c that I didn't take him for what he is. After hearing about Kim Kardashian's 72 day marriage, I sat down the other day and tried to think "what are the characteristics of my soulmate that I can live with and live without." Ben wasn't PERFECT but he had alot of stuff on my "live with" side of the list. We've just been chatting via email for now. And I'm not saying I want to be back with him fully, but I think I'm open to A date with him again.
Reminds me. I was talking to Josh and he goes "You have changed from the last time we were dating." I said "Well gosh I hope I have changed in 3 years." And it got me thinking of how I have changed? I'm quicker to cut someone out of my life, but it's easier for me to let little things go. Example I haven't made a strong enough bond with my coworker friends that if they didn't wanna be talk I'd be ok. BUT if my mom says something kind of rude I let it go. She probably didn't mean it to come off that way and I have better fish to fry. Other things I noticed too. Just made me go "hmmm"
Anyways at lunch. Just called the garage that has my Lady GeGe. They are releasing it to the auto body shop that my insurance company is paying so probably by tomorrow I'll know the estimate of damage or if I have to replace her with Lady GeGe 2. Hmm if I get a new car it'd probably be a new name tho. Lemme think on this.
the one about my Halloween weekend
So first I went to Boston on Saturday to get my oil changed and hang with Kelly for Pizza night. Well my oil changed turned into a $353 debacle. I ended only paying $60 cuz the guy lied and said it would only be $353 for new brake pads and rotars. After that I went to Kelly's and the storm got bad. I freaked out when my mom said there was no power. I remembered not being there when Brett died so I left in the middle of the blizzard. It was fine. I was 30 mins from home when I went head first into a tree occupying my side of the highway. My windshield wipers pushed into my windshield, it spidered, my car ended up ON a guard rail. Immediately two hot drivers jumped out of their car to see if I was okay. The staties showed up in 5 minutes. I was soooooo shaken but physically fine. I sat in the hot statie's car and called Alice. I called Kelly whom didn't berate me for leaving but made me laugh so hard I was crying.
The tow truck towed me to the next exit and I rented a hotel room for the night. This place reminded me of the hotel from The Shining. But I had been there for three weddings. The staff was amazing. And when I woke up the next morning the power was out throughout the hotel. I was annoyed but the staff brought out food for us there and I found a remote wall in the back of the hotel to get service and charge my dead phone. I called my insurance company and they are having a garage tow my car from Sturbridge to Springfield, fixing it, and paying them from my policy. Next up was getting home. They arranged for me to have a rental car. The clerk called his husband to drive me home. I was shocked! Who does that?
When I got home it was worse than the tornado. HORRIBLE! Lines down due to trees falling. Houses ruined by tree damage. Power on odd streets with no rhyme or reason. Lines backed up at every working gas station and Dunkin Donuts. AND I called the car rental company that was closed. I had to call out of work. UGH! My trainer was very understanding but I feel like the problem child.
On the plus side I have FINALLY started reading Harry Potter that I borrowed from Mandee. It's really good. This woman created this entire world of amazing! How she did it I will never know. It's beyond my own creativeness I will give her that!
And I finally had it with my phone. I walked into AT&T and no dice on an upgrade. I'd have to pay. Walked into Apple. The hot salesperson Dan got me to resign with a new iPhone 3GS (which I already have) for $0 down. He was so awesome too. Did I mention hot? And of course my former work crush Mike walks into Apple when I'm looking like death. GD he's gorg too. UGH why are all the str8 guys hot and the gay men cray cray. Le Sigh
5% more and I'm headed home to probably finish Harry Potter. Now I gotta wrestle the second book from Mandee's friend hehe
The tow truck towed me to the next exit and I rented a hotel room for the night. This place reminded me of the hotel from The Shining. But I had been there for three weddings. The staff was amazing. And when I woke up the next morning the power was out throughout the hotel. I was annoyed but the staff brought out food for us there and I found a remote wall in the back of the hotel to get service and charge my dead phone. I called my insurance company and they are having a garage tow my car from Sturbridge to Springfield, fixing it, and paying them from my policy. Next up was getting home. They arranged for me to have a rental car. The clerk called his husband to drive me home. I was shocked! Who does that?
When I got home it was worse than the tornado. HORRIBLE! Lines down due to trees falling. Houses ruined by tree damage. Power on odd streets with no rhyme or reason. Lines backed up at every working gas station and Dunkin Donuts. AND I called the car rental company that was closed. I had to call out of work. UGH! My trainer was very understanding but I feel like the problem child.
On the plus side I have FINALLY started reading Harry Potter that I borrowed from Mandee. It's really good. This woman created this entire world of amazing! How she did it I will never know. It's beyond my own creativeness I will give her that!
And I finally had it with my phone. I walked into AT&T and no dice on an upgrade. I'd have to pay. Walked into Apple. The hot salesperson Dan got me to resign with a new iPhone 3GS (which I already have) for $0 down. He was so awesome too. Did I mention hot? And of course my former work crush Mike walks into Apple when I'm looking like death. GD he's gorg too. UGH why are all the str8 guys hot and the gay men cray cray. Le Sigh
5% more and I'm headed home to probably finish Harry Potter. Now I gotta wrestle the second book from Mandee's friend hehe
the one about staying positive
So I took matters into my own hands and secured myself a job interview with a manager at the department across the hall. Turns out they are hiring a class that starts MONDAY! Guess who got a new job haha AND Super Bass came on the radio driving to work. I swear the power of positive thinking.
I think it's true that sometimes in life you get what you need not what you want. And the positive attitude I've had as of the last year or so has helped too. One thing I try most often to do is even when things looks 3D (DEEP DARK AND DEPRESSING) to remain focused that this situation is temporary. I've come too far in life to just quit or throw in the towel. And it's worked.
The thing that upsets me is hearing these horror stories about people whom have it just a tiny bit worse than me and kill themselves. Either I'm REALLY strong or they are really weak. I am pretty grateful to also have some of the most amazing people alive around me. They support and encourage me to be the best person I can be. That helps an ISH ton.
I think it's true that sometimes in life you get what you need not what you want. And the positive attitude I've had as of the last year or so has helped too. One thing I try most often to do is even when things looks 3D (DEEP DARK AND DEPRESSING) to remain focused that this situation is temporary. I've come too far in life to just quit or throw in the towel. And it's worked.
The thing that upsets me is hearing these horror stories about people whom have it just a tiny bit worse than me and kill themselves. Either I'm REALLY strong or they are really weak. I am pretty grateful to also have some of the most amazing people alive around me. They support and encourage me to be the best person I can be. That helps an ISH ton.
the one about failing
So I didn't pass my test AGAIN! Third time wasn't a charm. As I was walking out I was like "I know this stuff why can't I pass?" And I realized maybe this just isn't my path. Maybe I am suppose to simply do other things in life and this was my stepping stone. I have another test tomorrow but in all honesty I'm not confident. And that's not me being Negative Nancy. To a point I've kinda thrown in the towel. I've read the book cover to cover and taken every test known to man. I KNOW THIS MATERIAL!
My stance is this: how you treat your failures is indicative of how you treat your successes. I have put SO much pressure on myself. And you know if I passed I would've simply moved on. Why am I so quick to beat myself up? Yes it's important for me to maintain this job, but people in other parts of the world are dealing with far greater things. I have a few options to fall back on, but the past has proven I will be ok. I need to stop with the pressure and scolding myself. In fact I am taking some very long overdue necessary steps as we speak ;)
I will fill you in when they become more secure. Just remember you never really fail if you are giving it the best try you got!
"A courage strains after the corpse."
My stance is this: how you treat your failures is indicative of how you treat your successes. I have put SO much pressure on myself. And you know if I passed I would've simply moved on. Why am I so quick to beat myself up? Yes it's important for me to maintain this job, but people in other parts of the world are dealing with far greater things. I have a few options to fall back on, but the past has proven I will be ok. I need to stop with the pressure and scolding myself. In fact I am taking some very long overdue necessary steps as we speak ;)
I will fill you in when they become more secure. Just remember you never really fail if you are giving it the best try you got!
"A courage strains after the corpse."
the one about making lemonade...
So last night a bill came out of my checking account unexpectedly. When I called the creditor they said they sent me mail in June to my wrong address, but then updated my address a month later without sending new notification and decided to debit my account. My paycheck was absorbed. And my reaction? (Shrugged)
After spending two hours with them on the phone you know what I did? I got dressed and went to an 80s birthday party for my kid sister Mandee. Why's this huge? Have we met? LOL Ok probably not. A year ago I would've stayed home and wallowed in my own self-pity. Since I've moved back I've made a conscience effort to make lemonade out of lemons.
Even that phrase. Makes no real sense right? But when you think about it. Take a sour piece of food and turn it into a sweet refreshing drink. That's what it means! And I had a KICKASS time at Mandee's party. I hung out with her friends and her sister Jamie. We laughed so much. No drama. And the best part is towards the end of the night Mandee goes "Mikey I love hanging out with you." HUGE! I just really felt amazing.
Since I've moved back I've hung with family and reconnected with old friends. Hanging with Jamie and her family (two sisters and their families) has been amazing. Each time I've been to Jamie, Mandee, or Ashley's house not only have I had fun (and they feed me) but I end up having so much fun playing with their kids. I feel like the child whisperer seriously. It's amazing!
And then to top of my positive outlook one of my oldest (in years of friendship) and best friends and I had this "catching up" convo and it was just nice. It just proves my point that time and distance may stretch, but bonds don't change.
There is so much to be said about having a positive attitude. I'm so glad I have one :)
the one about money vs. family
So recently I got into a situation where I had to choose whether to figure out a money situation or go to a birthday party for my kid sister...I went to the birthday party. Here's the surprising thing: I didn't regret my decision.
I was sitting at the birthday party having fun, laughing, making memories, and realized if I didn't go to her party I would've missed out on the memories and the bond! That's the most important part. I looked RIDICULOUS, but you know sometimes it's about that very thing. Putting yourself in a situation you aren't comfortable with to get comfortable with someone. I knew like two people and I still went. I would've NEVER done that seven years ago when I lived here.
Living in Boston taught me alot. One thing is that nothing is fluid like money. NO one is ever flat broke. There's always a way to get or make money. My lesson: memories are far higher in value than the almighty dollar :)
I was sitting at the birthday party having fun, laughing, making memories, and realized if I didn't go to her party I would've missed out on the memories and the bond! That's the most important part. I looked RIDICULOUS, but you know sometimes it's about that very thing. Putting yourself in a situation you aren't comfortable with to get comfortable with someone. I knew like two people and I still went. I would've NEVER done that seven years ago when I lived here.
Living in Boston taught me alot. One thing is that nothing is fluid like money. NO one is ever flat broke. There's always a way to get or make money. My lesson: memories are far higher in value than the almighty dollar :)
the one about "It Gets Better"
So I finally decided to make an "It Gets Better" video. I know long time coming. The whole experience of having my book come to fortition and ANOTHER gay teen in UK killed himself. 15! This time he did reach out to his family. Was on anti-depressants, and going to therapy. It just angers me that they are being teased but also that they couldn't just wait.
When I was younger I was called racist names, homophobic names. And I literally wanted to kill myself. Something inside me said NO it can't be like this the rest of my life. Granted my life isn't PERFECT, but I WROTE A EFFIN BOOK! I've appeared in a Kevin James movie AND a Mark Wahlberg movie. Even if it's background WOW! That's HUGE for me.
I use to dream about having a boyfriend, husband, kids and all that. And I still believe I can, but it will take time. I know there are alot of gay teens they want what their best girlfriends have, dating the quarterback and going to prom. But you know what you can't focus on what you DON'T have, but you can focus on what you CAN ACHIEVE!
PLEASE just hold on. Going through the crap you're going through WILL make you stronger. It'll take you places you never thought you could go, but mostly it will help you realize you can survive through ANYTHING! You are not the only one in the world being teased, bullied, or picked on. But if you wait just a little longer trust me you'll accomplish more for being strong in the end.
It does indeed get better!
When I was younger I was called racist names, homophobic names. And I literally wanted to kill myself. Something inside me said NO it can't be like this the rest of my life. Granted my life isn't PERFECT, but I WROTE A EFFIN BOOK! I've appeared in a Kevin James movie AND a Mark Wahlberg movie. Even if it's background WOW! That's HUGE for me.
I use to dream about having a boyfriend, husband, kids and all that. And I still believe I can, but it will take time. I know there are alot of gay teens they want what their best girlfriends have, dating the quarterback and going to prom. But you know what you can't focus on what you DON'T have, but you can focus on what you CAN ACHIEVE!
PLEASE just hold on. Going through the crap you're going through WILL make you stronger. It'll take you places you never thought you could go, but mostly it will help you realize you can survive through ANYTHING! You are not the only one in the world being teased, bullied, or picked on. But if you wait just a little longer trust me you'll accomplish more for being strong in the end.
It does indeed get better!
the one about Reichen Lehmkuhl
So I've decided when I become famous I'm going to date Reichen. My friends aren't happy with this decision cuz they think he's a player and mediawhore. But I will defend him...Rodiney was NOT famous when they dated. I think it's perfectly ok with me having mixed race babies with him. He seems nice.
It's either him or Stephen Amell. But Stephen lives in LA. sigh.
Reichen...
or Stephen...
It's either him or Stephen Amell. But Stephen lives in LA. sigh.
Reichen...
the one where I applied for the Real World 27 Boston
So I just totes applied for The Real World 27 Boston. The age range? 20-24 HAHA but you know what cry two tears in a bucket. Fcuk it. I get told I look young all the time. And quite honestly I wanna be a role model.
I know how conceited that sounds, but I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs. I would rather you laugh at me then cry about your life. And I will listen to whatever you say. I think I'd be a great role model to these kids struggling in high school. AND I LIVED THROUGH IT!
It's been well documented on Facebook notes my two years of hell in high school. I've been called a fag, nigger, jungle bunny, spear chucker, and much much more just for being black and openly gay. I never hid anything. And looking back being black and openly gay in a white straight town at the age of 10 was pretty effin brave of me. But I didn't care. No one EVER touched me and I used that to my advantage. Who'd beat up the gay version of Steve Urkel? Boy did I have a mouth on me! HAHA I'm shocked I never got beat up. But more importantly I loved the people that stood up for me.
But this isn't about my past. It's about my present. I not only applied via the website but emailed them a video submission :) I really hope I get picked. I will be a role model but I'll also get to move back to Boston for a few months. I do miss city living if I'm being honest. Maybe I will step outta my comfort zone and actually go out? Although partying with 20 somethings at 35 might be a stretch. Maybe I can be the gay non drinking version of Pauly D. Funny, easy going, and approachable. YEAH BUDDY! Oh I'll need catchphrases.
the one about updating my blog
So I decided to update this blog instead of keeping two. The reason why it's called "my C average life" is because right now I'm studying for my MA property & casualty license. I need to get a C or better in order to pass haha I feel like Dubya. How I figure is he can get C's and become president TWICE of the Home of the Brave. I can get two C's and pass my damn licenses UGH! STRESSSSSSSSSSSSSSED!
Bridesmaids
If you take a female version of the Hangover and the 40 year old virgin and put them together you get this movie.
I purposely did not see a trailer for this movie. Walking into a movie not knowing anything but it's stars is kind of refreshing.
This was without a doubt one of the funniest movies I've ever seen! I snort laughed at how ridiculous or how inappropriately funny it was. This will be the movie I buy the minute it comes on DVD.
Water for Elephants
Having never read the book I really wanted to see this movie because I heart Reese. RPats is ok to me I don't swoon over him.
In my opinion this movie was a 4 out of 5 stars. LOVED it! There wasn't anything wrong with it other than I wanted more development as to why Christopher Waltz's character was such an ass. They explained both RPats and Reese's.
Anyways if you love romantic dramas see this movie. You will like it alot.
Scre4m
For me Scream 3 was the final one. Having watched them so much I dunno if it's me but I just saw a tiredness in Neve Campbell's eyes. Like "I need to get out of this movie franchise." It was sorta present in Scream 2 when she was at the sorority mixer and people were saying how CeCe died. Just look at her face. I dunno maybe she's just an awesome actress, but Scream 3 with her speech at the end she was just like ENOUGH! And then she dropped off Hollywood.
Scream 4 lived up to my expectations as a Scream buff. LOVED IT! Was a good horror movie. Very self aware and funny. Courtney Cox looked better in this than she did in the first LOL I mean I didn't feel movement downstairs but DAMN she's one hot mama. TONS of red herrings. The killer is someone I NEVER would've suspected at all. I was thoroughly shocked but also not disappointed...oh wait or was there more than one killer? Hmmm (raised eyebrow).
I felt like I got my monies worth and highly recommend. Neve is back. She didn't have that "UGH" look it was more like "OK I'ma end this." What I love about Sidney is clearly we know she's gonna live, but you're like HOW?! They write her street smart and confident. I love that. But I just pray the next cast of characters aren't twenty somethings but rather older. I cannot wait. I'm taking the day off for the next two hehe
the one about Brett Andrew Taylor
So June 1986 I met this girl Jamie. I was 11 and she was 7. That first day I went to her apartment down the street and met her mom Brenda, sisters 2 yr old Ashley (Ash) and 4 yr old Mandee (not Mandy) and brother 3 yr old Brett (Brettski). We made those plates where the kids draw on it and then you laminate them. Well I started going to Jamie's apartment alot.
I was a pretty responsible kid even that young so a few years later when I got to Junior High Brenda decided with Jamie there I could babysit sometimes. So Jamie and I would babysit her siblings. Brett was always a funny smart ass. He would say the funniest most random things but we ALWAYS laughed. And OMG MY GOD was he messy haha I would half the time help him clean his room and no joke he had one of those captain beds. We cleaned his room and I found literally a dried up piece of pizza in his drawer. I wish I were kidding.
It got to the point where I became part of their family and Brett was my kid brother. He brought out my geeky side. He'd get pissed when he'd be home and I'd be playing his video games LOL They were fun! We would also watch Chip N Dale Rescue Ranger together. When I got a car I took him and Ash to the movies.
And he was a GREAT guy. Extremely good with kids. He wasn't into drugs. Smoked cigarettes. And when he had a girlfriend he treated her like gold (although I hated his girlfriend cuz she was ruining my kid brother LOL). I think the happiest time in his life was when he lived with Ash and her husband Nick in Agawam. It was awesome to see him in his own.
After I moved to Boston area he and I would talked about him moving to Cape Cod. I was pumped about that cuz I missed him and would've loved to have him over here.
I'm sad he wouldn't get to live in Cape Cod. Sad I won't get to see him marry or have kids like his sisters. And mostly sad I won't get to hug him or to hear him tell me he loves his big brother Michael. But I am glad that I have the memories of his life and how much fun we had. He will be missed!
If you are reading this and know Brett PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE share a funny story about him. I rarely saw him cry in the 25 years I knew him. I know for a fact he would not want us to cry over him. In fact he would make a joke of himself if it got us to laugh. So please share. I wanna laugh and I think it would help everyone else too :)
On Saturday March 5 I paid my respects to Brett Andrew Taylor. It was harder than I thought. I didn't bawl but I definitely got emotional. Part of me wants to listen to what people say and just let it out. Cry till my eyes go dry. But most of me feels like..."I didn't see his body so he's not gone to me." I know doesn't make sense right?! I know I won't hear him say something funny. I know I won't hug him again. I know be a total bitch to his new girlfriend cuz I'm too protective. I know I won't pick him up and drive him to my apt, then take him around Boston like I've wanted to. But he's just not gone to me. He's too alive in my heart and in my head.
His sister Mandee did a PHENOMENAL job arranging his service. I kept thinking "Note to self: In my will stipulate that Mandee handle my funeral arrangements when I die." She even made a dvd of all his childhood pictures. I was watching her read his eulogy and kept thinking what a parent must feel like. To see a kid grow up into adulthood. And seeing Brett progress in age knowing I was there for alot of those PIX! That's what got me. He wasn't a friend or a brother he was a part of me. All of them are. Jamie. Mandee. Brett. Ashley. Brenda. All of them. Everytime they sang at the church I wouldn't sing. I would just listen to the words and think of how that particular song FIT Brett perfectly.
The absolute best part is that my friendship with Jamie is right where we left off. I have some catching up to do obviously, but I can't even express how much I love these people. I hadn't laughed like today in awhile. It's funny cuz when we have that sit down talk (we will) to catch up she will see I haven't changed haha I still wear my heart on my sleeve but I'm more apt to working things out than running away. And words can't express how much I missed her husband Dan. No one ever understood why I loved Dan so much. So I'll tell you. Because he tries. Anything he does he tries. He just tries to be a good person and to have someone in your life with that much effort in TRYING just makes you wanna try to.
I do have to give a special thanks to Joe, Mandee's husband. I don't think I woulda kept a stiff upper lip had he not had me laughing all day. He's one of the top 5 funniest people I've ever met. SERIOUSLY! He cracked me up so much today. So Joe thank you! I definitely woulda probably found it hard not to cry if you weren't there.
The biggest shock though was that one of my other childhood friends Monique showed up. I was just so happy. By the end of the night my face hurt from smiling.
My straight-husband (he's earned that privilege) Alex called me on my drive home. Have you ever noticed with every friend you have you have that moment in your friendship where you bond over something? It's like the turning point in your friendship and it solidifies it as legit? That was my conversation with Alex. He said exactly what I needed to hear at that exact moment and better still it was the truth. We bonded big time. It was awesome. THEN my bestie Kelly texted me to make sure I was ok. I mean I'm almost embarrassed at how amazing my friends are.
Well this is WAY longer than I intended but I just wanna thank everyone whom have reached out to me over the past week. I love you so much and feel privileged and honored you are in my life. And I also wanna say to those whom haven't PLEASE don't feel bad. I don't deal with death hardly ever so I understand it's uncomfortable and awkward to give your condolences. I love you too BUT I would like to hear from you and know how you are doing :)
That's that. XOXO
the one where about full disclosure
So I have been dealing with alot of strife lately. I haven't been blogging like I should.
One I found out my kid brother Brett died. Then I started talking to Jamie again (which is awesome!). Then I forgave my aunt whom I've been upset with for over 15 years. I can't find a better paying job. And finally my roommate is a tool LOL
All this at once has taken a toll on me. Especially the roommate part. Chris was one of my best friends but slowly he's just slipped. Disrespecting my landlord and threatening to take legal action against him shoulda raised that red flag higher (the landlord to Chris' credit was dragging his feet on an issue but Chris SHOULDN'T have used threats to intimidate). Then he would do little things around the apt like not flush the toilet, taking out trash but not putting in another bag, running dishwasher not emptying, whenever his guests (aka hookups) come over they take precedent over me (example I was standing outside in the cold ringing the doorbell and he was too busy screwing to let me in and when I came in he said he didn't "hear" the doorbell right by his bedroom door). The final straw was his bf of two months putting his toothbrush in our toothbrush holder. I know it sounds little but I have personal space issues. We have plenty of counter space in our bathroom do NOT put your new beau's toothbrush in my personal space. He is not a renter nor does he live here. ALTHOUGH he brings him here every weekend which is annoying. I don't want Chris here why would I want his new beau? And yes it's two months not FOUR like he claims. The doorbell incident happened in Dec they made it "official" in Feb. It's MARCH! He was hooking up with more guys in January even.
The thing that most bugs me about Chris is not that he has a bf but whom he is with one. He turns into the person my friends and I make fun of. The person who spends every free moment they have with their bf. The one who puts them above EVERYONE else. And the one who doesn't listen when you tell them the truth. I flat out told Chris what he's clingy and how he acts when his hookups or bfs are around and if he doesn't want to lose more friends to stop it. He didn't listen and has lost his other best friend AND me. It's unfortunate because when/if they break up he literally will be down two friends in his life.
I feel I didn't lose much. I know that sounds harsh but after listing just a FEW things he doesn't do so great when I was dealing with Brett's death I asked if he could be around that Sunday for brunch and movies with me. He agreed and then blew me off till returning Tuesday. He sent me a LAME IM from his bedroom saying he forgot and spent the weekend in a hotel to think about things. I was born AT night not LAST night. He went to see his bf in NY and THATS where he spent the weekend. He lied to save face. That was when he lost my friendship. And he's been a dick ever since.
In the interest of full disclosure I let him know. I didn't name call or talk down to him I was honest about what he does and how that upsets me...but I even removed most emotion and just said "be a good roommate. Clean up after yourself and your guests..." Basic stuff. Do you think he has? He moved my dvds/shelves into the living room where his flat screen TV was. AWESOME I love my new living room to be honest. But he left a mess in the living room that I had to clean up. Even putting his utensils (since he's mad at me he's going to use his own utensils and dishes) he disrupted MY flow in my cabinetry LOL I'm not trying to be OCD but at least make it a noninconvenience. The only reason he ran the dishwasher was to wash HIS stuff and then he didnt even put them away.
I've basically had it and am screening new roommates for June 1. Already talked to my landlord who said its MY apartment and I brought Chris in the loop so if I want him out I need to get him out myself. When the landlord sends me the rental agreement I will let him know he's not invited to stay and has to leave June 1. He will NOT be surprised at all. I just can't have him here anymore. He stresses me out when I come home and I need to relax. Too bad too.
One of my friends said I should get dirt on him to force him to leave...I already have plenty but I'm not that person. What does that solve? Me threatening him with the things I know about him will only make me like him and how he attacked my landlord. That's not whom I am or want to be.
One I found out my kid brother Brett died. Then I started talking to Jamie again (which is awesome!). Then I forgave my aunt whom I've been upset with for over 15 years. I can't find a better paying job. And finally my roommate is a tool LOL
All this at once has taken a toll on me. Especially the roommate part. Chris was one of my best friends but slowly he's just slipped. Disrespecting my landlord and threatening to take legal action against him shoulda raised that red flag higher (the landlord to Chris' credit was dragging his feet on an issue but Chris SHOULDN'T have used threats to intimidate). Then he would do little things around the apt like not flush the toilet, taking out trash but not putting in another bag, running dishwasher not emptying, whenever his guests (aka hookups) come over they take precedent over me (example I was standing outside in the cold ringing the doorbell and he was too busy screwing to let me in and when I came in he said he didn't "hear" the doorbell right by his bedroom door). The final straw was his bf of two months putting his toothbrush in our toothbrush holder. I know it sounds little but I have personal space issues. We have plenty of counter space in our bathroom do NOT put your new beau's toothbrush in my personal space. He is not a renter nor does he live here. ALTHOUGH he brings him here every weekend which is annoying. I don't want Chris here why would I want his new beau? And yes it's two months not FOUR like he claims. The doorbell incident happened in Dec they made it "official" in Feb. It's MARCH! He was hooking up with more guys in January even.
The thing that most bugs me about Chris is not that he has a bf but whom he is with one. He turns into the person my friends and I make fun of. The person who spends every free moment they have with their bf. The one who puts them above EVERYONE else. And the one who doesn't listen when you tell them the truth. I flat out told Chris what he's clingy and how he acts when his hookups or bfs are around and if he doesn't want to lose more friends to stop it. He didn't listen and has lost his other best friend AND me. It's unfortunate because when/if they break up he literally will be down two friends in his life.
I feel I didn't lose much. I know that sounds harsh but after listing just a FEW things he doesn't do so great when I was dealing with Brett's death I asked if he could be around that Sunday for brunch and movies with me. He agreed and then blew me off till returning Tuesday. He sent me a LAME IM from his bedroom saying he forgot and spent the weekend in a hotel to think about things. I was born AT night not LAST night. He went to see his bf in NY and THATS where he spent the weekend. He lied to save face. That was when he lost my friendship. And he's been a dick ever since.
In the interest of full disclosure I let him know. I didn't name call or talk down to him I was honest about what he does and how that upsets me...but I even removed most emotion and just said "be a good roommate. Clean up after yourself and your guests..." Basic stuff. Do you think he has? He moved my dvds/shelves into the living room where his flat screen TV was. AWESOME I love my new living room to be honest. But he left a mess in the living room that I had to clean up. Even putting his utensils (since he's mad at me he's going to use his own utensils and dishes) he disrupted MY flow in my cabinetry LOL I'm not trying to be OCD but at least make it a noninconvenience. The only reason he ran the dishwasher was to wash HIS stuff and then he didnt even put them away.
I've basically had it and am screening new roommates for June 1. Already talked to my landlord who said its MY apartment and I brought Chris in the loop so if I want him out I need to get him out myself. When the landlord sends me the rental agreement I will let him know he's not invited to stay and has to leave June 1. He will NOT be surprised at all. I just can't have him here anymore. He stresses me out when I come home and I need to relax. Too bad too.
One of my friends said I should get dirt on him to force him to leave...I already have plenty but I'm not that person. What does that solve? Me threatening him with the things I know about him will only make me like him and how he attacked my landlord. That's not whom I am or want to be.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)