So I had training all week in Dorchester with Stephanie and Alex. We learned Small Business sales pitches. Oh and Carson was there. Hanging out with Alex reaffirmed that he and I are friends. But it also deflated my crush on him. A) He's 100% the most heterosexual man I've met like ever. B) he's a friend. I don't crush on friends. It got me thinking about the difference between crushing and liking and how like drama and disagreements people often confuse the two.
Crushes are meant to be harmless and a fantasized reality of a person. They are also meant to be on people you KNOW you do not have a chance with. Matt Damon. He's been my crush since the shower scene in "School Ties." He's straight married with four kids and living in FL...oh AND a movie star. Clearly this will never happen.
Liking is when you see yourself dating someone or going on a date with them. There is a general interest and you feel there is a "chance" at least. I like Ben for instance and he likes me. Now I don't LIKE too many people but I crush alot. No harm.
I wish to GOD people would stop confusing the two. If they wanna confuse the two with themselves that's fine, but not with me. Recently this guy tried calling me out telling me I need to stop living in a fantasy world blah blah blah. Relationship advice from someone striking out in love is the worst. I wanna tell him to eff off cuz he's not a subject matter, but at the same time it's his opinion. I just finally politely told him it's his opinion.
Fact of the matter Alex knows my stance on crushes and liking. My other crushes do too. The only problem was this guy. It just irks me when people try telling you their opinions. I never understood why. Do they think we will just say "OH MY GOD you're right. Thanks!" Like what do they gain out of the deal?
Anyways recently I'm being crushed on by either 18 year olds or 50-60 year olds. I WISH I were joking.
Complicated by Rihanna
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jOfpUrvpdug
This song perfectly describes my relationship with Bruce! Wow Rihanna Wow!
This song perfectly describes my relationship with Bruce! Wow Rihanna Wow!
the one about being a hypocrite
So I emailed Ben yesterday about the whereabouts of my laptop which turned into his apology. My gut reaction oddly enough is to forgive him. Here's why. I've said and done some nasty horrible things to other people in the past. People like my best friend Larry. He and I have gone toe to toe and you know what years later we are closer than ever. My mom is another perfect example. Unforgivable things that have been forgiven. How can I not forgive Ben especially when I know WHY he said it...he misunderstood. He even admitted he misunderstood and that it was a "low blow" to bring up things I told him in confidence and use it against me.
I still think he has room to grow. He does have a problem telling the whole truth, but I think he feels because he has very few friends he needs to "fib" in order to have someone in his corner. I remember the other day staring at him. In his eyes. And I didn't see evil. I didn't see blackness. I saw brown eyes. For the longest time I thought his eyes were dark brown/black. But they are brown. That image of the other day still is embedded in my brain. I wish I could explain why I'm so drawn to him. I just feel like if I don't give him the chances my mom and friend Larry have given me I will be a hypocrite.
I still think he has room to grow. He does have a problem telling the whole truth, but I think he feels because he has very few friends he needs to "fib" in order to have someone in his corner. I remember the other day staring at him. In his eyes. And I didn't see evil. I didn't see blackness. I saw brown eyes. For the longest time I thought his eyes were dark brown/black. But they are brown. That image of the other day still is embedded in my brain. I wish I could explain why I'm so drawn to him. I just feel like if I don't give him the chances my mom and friend Larry have given me I will be a hypocrite.
The Fighter
Wow. What a great movie. It was great cuz of the story and the cast...except Mark Wahlberg. I'm sorry but this story was too juicy and real to put in his hands.
The story is about two brothers Dicky (Christian Bale) and Micky. Dicky is a former boxer who KO'd Sugar Ray Leonard but his life went downhill when he couldn't get any more fights and turned to drugs. He has been trying to coach his younger brother Dicky (Mark Wahlberg). Of course it's a Cinderella story and you know how it's gonna end, but why Mark Wahlberg? Christian Bale WILL win an Academy Award if not for shedding MASSIVE pounds for his fast talking portrayal of a crack addict former boxer. When Bale was delivering his lines it was like he was speaking...compared to Wahlberg whom was clearly ACTING! Therein lies the difference.
And lemme tell you Amy Adams and Melissa Leo KICKED BUTT TOO! Amy could very well beat Hilary Swank in the Best Actress category...why? Hilary is an odds on fave. But Amy portrayed a tough talking, lil clothing wearing, girl from the streets. She broke a girl's nose who called her a whore. I was STUNNED! WOW! I did feel there were times she was acting but mostly it was her in character. Melissa Leo ROCKED it. She never once acted. She was the female version of Christian Bale. I BELIEVED this woman was his mother. Was an enabler. And really did smoke cigarettes with that awful hairdo. If she doesn't get nominated I will boycott the Oscars!
I do know if it's a feel good enough movie though for Oscar consideration. It didn't make me well up like "Conviction" but it did wow me! Christian and Melissa...good luck!!!!!!!
the one about the best date of my life
So last night I went on an impromptu date. This guy's name is Joe. Joe and I met last minute when I got tickets to see "The Fighter" at literally 2pm (for a 7pm show). So we met at the movie after talking for a couple days. WOW! Clicked right away.
Then after the movie we ate at McCormick & Schmick's for Social Hour menu! Seriously! I couldn't believe how well we clicked considering how unwell Ben and I and Bruce and I faired. Even Josh and I.
Of course there's a hitch to the best date of my life...he's moving to London end of the month. Some people would say stop don't fall too deep. And I'm not, but I deserve to be doted on. To be treated good. So I'm gonna continue hanging out with him till he leaves. It's not like anyone else is beating down my door anyways. But yeah. In the words of my friend Kerry...F*ck my tits. SIGH
Then after the movie we ate at McCormick & Schmick's for Social Hour menu! Seriously! I couldn't believe how well we clicked considering how unwell Ben and I and Bruce and I faired. Even Josh and I.
Of course there's a hitch to the best date of my life...he's moving to London end of the month. Some people would say stop don't fall too deep. And I'm not, but I deserve to be doted on. To be treated good. So I'm gonna continue hanging out with him till he leaves. It's not like anyone else is beating down my door anyways. But yeah. In the words of my friend Kerry...F*ck my tits. SIGH
the one about my hothead roommate
So my roommate is hilarious. Aside from his sayings "Well if the pot fits the kettle." Whenever he relaxes his folds his hands like he's praying even sleep, and my absolute favorite is his fits of rage. Usually by the end he's like "Wow I probably shouldn't have said that huh?" Tonight was my landlord.
My roommate was right though. My landlord tries to eek things by us or force us into last minute meetings. And I do not like when he comes into our apt when we aren't there yet I get an email "hey David and Chris, we need to access your apt." UGH! Call, text. Oh Chris wasn't having it. He got on the phone, yelled at our landlord's voicemail, and threatened to get a lawyer involved. "Um Chris, I think our landlord is gonna raise our rent to include heat/gas and electricity" Chris "Oh you're probably right. Hmm I probably shouldn't have yelled and insinuated I wanted to get a lawyer involved huh?" Me "I mean I don't think that was at the best idea. But I see where you were coming from." HILARIOUS! And I love how he gives me this look like a kid gives when they broke mom and dad's favorite vase. He cracks me up seriously!
My roommate was right though. My landlord tries to eek things by us or force us into last minute meetings. And I do not like when he comes into our apt when we aren't there yet I get an email "hey David and Chris, we need to access your apt." UGH! Call, text. Oh Chris wasn't having it. He got on the phone, yelled at our landlord's voicemail, and threatened to get a lawyer involved. "Um Chris, I think our landlord is gonna raise our rent to include heat/gas and electricity" Chris "Oh you're probably right. Hmm I probably shouldn't have yelled and insinuated I wanted to get a lawyer involved huh?" Me "I mean I don't think that was at the best idea. But I see where you were coming from." HILARIOUS! And I love how he gives me this look like a kid gives when they broke mom and dad's favorite vase. He cracks me up seriously!
the one about bullying
So what really burns my cookies are bullies. Bullies are people that go out of their way to make people uncomfortable and say malicious things.
I was talking to someone about this as this guy who was online just ripped into this kid for no apparent reason. He's CONSTANTLY doing this to people too. I had a side convo and this person after seeing me at CC ONCE for a total of about 16 mins says "What's the difference between you talking about someone at a club and this guy supposedly bullying this kid?" EXCUSE ME? Are you kidding me? I like everyone else in that establishment mock others AS MUCH as I mock myself. I am the first to say "Girl look at my gut I feel like I'm pregnant" as easily as I say "Does that one have a reflective surface at home." Bullying is telling someone they are worthless stupid and you want them to "enjoy their demise." I was offended and insulted anyone much less someone I don't even know to try and lump me in with those jerks to oversimplify a point. What's worse? This person laughed along with everyone else at every joke/jab I told.
Why on earth do I try to branch out from my circle? Chuck, JB, Kelly, Tara, Ken. These people know and love me unconditionally. They get me and my humor. Most importantly they are just like me. Why do I try and befriend anyone else outside of them? Acquaintances is different from befriending. I need to learn this lesson.
I was talking to someone about this as this guy who was online just ripped into this kid for no apparent reason. He's CONSTANTLY doing this to people too. I had a side convo and this person after seeing me at CC ONCE for a total of about 16 mins says "What's the difference between you talking about someone at a club and this guy supposedly bullying this kid?" EXCUSE ME? Are you kidding me? I like everyone else in that establishment mock others AS MUCH as I mock myself. I am the first to say "Girl look at my gut I feel like I'm pregnant" as easily as I say "Does that one have a reflective surface at home." Bullying is telling someone they are worthless stupid and you want them to "enjoy their demise." I was offended and insulted anyone much less someone I don't even know to try and lump me in with those jerks to oversimplify a point. What's worse? This person laughed along with everyone else at every joke/jab I told.
Why on earth do I try to branch out from my circle? Chuck, JB, Kelly, Tara, Ken. These people know and love me unconditionally. They get me and my humor. Most importantly they are just like me. Why do I try and befriend anyone else outside of them? Acquaintances is different from befriending. I need to learn this lesson.
the one where I was differently wrong
So he's back at it. Ben turned batshit crazy again.
I was wavering wondering if we could date again. So I asked him a question. He responded with an answer. The conversation was done...then he went OFF! Like not just off but OOOOOOOOOOFF! I went from being the love of his life on Thursday to a complete loser today for no reason. I dunno what switch went off in that boy's brain but wow. I was having such a good day too. haha
Not sure how I feel. I mean I'm not sad cuz this isn't the first time he's done this I'm just kinda annoyed. Like really? After all this? This is how it's gonna end? Two years of knowing this guy and he ruins it YET again?! Ugh I'm very disappointed. I was starting to actually like him all over again too. Sigh.
The hard part now is admitting I was wrong. To my friends. To my mom. But mostly to myself.
My horoscope today in the Boston Metro: "It isn't likely anything you've done that makes people so unfriendly; its just the mood of the day. Don't compound it by sticking your nose up at the jerks. Live and let live."
Amen sistah! Been talking to my friend Reno. Usually when Ben and I talk again it's cuz I initiate it. Like Kelly said I keep giving him chances cuz I'm a good person and wanna see the good in him. I know there is. I looked in his eyes the other day and they were brown. For the longest time I thought they were black. Well I told him if he apologizes now I could try to forgive him and eventually I would, but if he doesn't then I can't and I wouldn't be contacting him again. And this time I mean it. I will walk away not hating him, but definitely he's used up his last chance with me. Some of the things he texted and said on the phone were beyond...wow! His response? "tell your mom I said hi." Like literally he's insane.
I was wavering wondering if we could date again. So I asked him a question. He responded with an answer. The conversation was done...then he went OFF! Like not just off but OOOOOOOOOOFF! I went from being the love of his life on Thursday to a complete loser today for no reason. I dunno what switch went off in that boy's brain but wow. I was having such a good day too. haha
Not sure how I feel. I mean I'm not sad cuz this isn't the first time he's done this I'm just kinda annoyed. Like really? After all this? This is how it's gonna end? Two years of knowing this guy and he ruins it YET again?! Ugh I'm very disappointed. I was starting to actually like him all over again too. Sigh.
The hard part now is admitting I was wrong. To my friends. To my mom. But mostly to myself.
My horoscope today in the Boston Metro: "It isn't likely anything you've done that makes people so unfriendly; its just the mood of the day. Don't compound it by sticking your nose up at the jerks. Live and let live."
Amen sistah! Been talking to my friend Reno. Usually when Ben and I talk again it's cuz I initiate it. Like Kelly said I keep giving him chances cuz I'm a good person and wanna see the good in him. I know there is. I looked in his eyes the other day and they were brown. For the longest time I thought they were black. Well I told him if he apologizes now I could try to forgive him and eventually I would, but if he doesn't then I can't and I wouldn't be contacting him again. And this time I mean it. I will walk away not hating him, but definitely he's used up his last chance with me. Some of the things he texted and said on the phone were beyond...wow! His response? "tell your mom I said hi." Like literally he's insane.
the one about Thanksgiving weekend
So thanksgiving day was fun. Chuck invited a small group over. I was happy to be around my friends. Kelly, Tara, Ken, JB, and Chuck. I walked right up to Jesse and hugged him.
Let me back up. I slept over Ben's Thanksgiving Eve. Again we had SUCH a good time and honest conversations. It was sooooooo nice to feel like we are both adults now haha it's given me perspective about when people mess up, do a mea culpa. So as far as I'm concerned after Jesse's apolotext he was forgiven. He's one of my best friends boyfriend. And Jesse isn't a bad person.
Then Saturday I helped Chuck move from Somerville to Dorchester. I felt good karma sweep over me doing that. I mean he's one of my besties but I spent all day with him and his dad. Chuck kept thanking me and took me to Olive Garden to officially thank me. NUM NUMS!!!
Before going with Chuck to the OG I went to see "Burlesque" with this guy Chris whom I met on Okcupid (Burlesque rocked see my entertainment blog). Seeing as Ben is my main dating focus I let Chris know we were friends. His declarations that he'd lick the butter off my fingers (we had popcorn) and that he wanted to come to my apt to pick me up wasn't flying with me. In fact it downright grossed me the eff out. Of course I fully intend to be friends with him but nothing sexual will ever happen. Why can't gay men get the concept of friends?
The best part of the weekend was sitting with Chuck at dinner and having my ex Bruce text me he wants to date his ex...a girl. Chuck looked at me after I told him and goes "Geesh David you know how to pick em." I'm reading Chelsea Handler's book Are You There Vodka? It's Me Chelsea and I'm reading laughing because we have so much in common: the weirdest ish happen to both of us and none of our friends can believe it.
So that's my weekend. I'm back to work tomorrow and taking Ben to meet my mom this coming weekend. Can you believe Ben and I have been going on dates on and off for two years January 3, 2011?!?! Chuck summed it up best "What the hell are you waiting for? Just marry him."
Let me back up. I slept over Ben's Thanksgiving Eve. Again we had SUCH a good time and honest conversations. It was sooooooo nice to feel like we are both adults now haha it's given me perspective about when people mess up, do a mea culpa. So as far as I'm concerned after Jesse's apolotext he was forgiven. He's one of my best friends boyfriend. And Jesse isn't a bad person.
Then Saturday I helped Chuck move from Somerville to Dorchester. I felt good karma sweep over me doing that. I mean he's one of my besties but I spent all day with him and his dad. Chuck kept thanking me and took me to Olive Garden to officially thank me. NUM NUMS!!!
Before going with Chuck to the OG I went to see "Burlesque" with this guy Chris whom I met on Okcupid (Burlesque rocked see my entertainment blog). Seeing as Ben is my main dating focus I let Chris know we were friends. His declarations that he'd lick the butter off my fingers (we had popcorn) and that he wanted to come to my apt to pick me up wasn't flying with me. In fact it downright grossed me the eff out. Of course I fully intend to be friends with him but nothing sexual will ever happen. Why can't gay men get the concept of friends?
The best part of the weekend was sitting with Chuck at dinner and having my ex Bruce text me he wants to date his ex...a girl. Chuck looked at me after I told him and goes "Geesh David you know how to pick em." I'm reading Chelsea Handler's book Are You There Vodka? It's Me Chelsea and I'm reading laughing because we have so much in common: the weirdest ish happen to both of us and none of our friends can believe it.
So that's my weekend. I'm back to work tomorrow and taking Ben to meet my mom this coming weekend. Can you believe Ben and I have been going on dates on and off for two years January 3, 2011?!?! Chuck summed it up best "What the hell are you waiting for? Just marry him."
Burlesque
I will be the first to admit when I'm wrong. Just like how I made fun of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" the movie (which is a classic and one of my faves of all time) I was way wrong about this movie. Burlesque is "Chicago" meets "Showgirls" with "The Devil Wears Prada" mixed it. I loved lil Xtina aka blond Snooki's chutzpah in the movie. Cher's character Tess is NOT to be looked at sideways or you WILL get bitch slapped. So when Ally says to Tess "Hey I'm talking to you" the entire audience literally did a "Oh no she didn't" gasp LOL Sorry but LOVED IT!
The worse part of the movie was the increasingly either stoned or giddy gay sitting behind me laughing at the wrong damn parts. Other than that I LOVE LOVE LOVE Burlesque. There I said it. Will either win an award? No. But hey Christina did a better job in her debut film than this other Mouseketeer...she was in a dreadful movie called Crossroads? (That's cuz her life went downhill after that) And it was NOT her "Glitter" as Michael Cantin loudly proclaimed.
the one about getting back on track
So things with Ben went well. He made me dinner then we watched LOSERS which shoulda been named Stinkers. But seriously we didn't miss a beat. I see him now romantically than I did before. I think my apprehension before was I have this ideal perfect guy in my head and he doesn't fit it...but he does. I mean I dunno if he's EXACTLY 100% my ideal perfect guy but then again who is besides FINN from "GLEE?"
I hung out with my str8 bf last night too. That went awesome. It's funny when you have a remembered image of someone and see them again. Alex is someone I clicked with IMMEDIATELY. We have so much in common yet we are different. We walked around Copley/Pru and ate at Legal. He's quite honestly one of the funniest people I've ever met. I was laughing till my face hurt. I thank God I have people like him in my life. No drama. No problems just fun. It was nice also talking to someone not in my circle or biased. I hope we hang out again and more. He's a great part of my life that I love.
That's it for now. Going to watch "The Event!"
I hung out with my str8 bf last night too. That went awesome. It's funny when you have a remembered image of someone and see them again. Alex is someone I clicked with IMMEDIATELY. We have so much in common yet we are different. We walked around Copley/Pru and ate at Legal. He's quite honestly one of the funniest people I've ever met. I was laughing till my face hurt. I thank God I have people like him in my life. No drama. No problems just fun. It was nice also talking to someone not in my circle or biased. I hope we hang out again and more. He's a great part of my life that I love.
That's it for now. Going to watch "The Event!"
the one about last night
So I was suppose to meet Christopher at CC but he never showed (I'm sure there's a perfectly logical explanation so of course I'm not gonna be upset...he was up here with his friends and they went to CC Friday night anyways). The amount of STUFF that happened at CC last night was profound.
First I'm talking with Ben via text and he tells me he and his parents are doing Thanksgiving Sunday instead of Thursday cuz they will be away...and invites me to meet them. I have to say yes of course because it's been close to two years since they've first started hearing about me. Sadly I let my straight boyfriend know cuz he and I were suppose to hang out. Anyways so that's happening today at around 5ish. Me and the str8 bf are hanging out after that though thankfully. I haven't seen him since August I need my friend facetime.
Then GUESS WHO WALKS UP TO ME?! Oh Ed of course. Walks up to me, flicks my hand to say hi. I look at him then back at my phone. "What you are gonna pretend you don't know me?" I instantly flash to him telling me "We should be acquaintances then" after I tell him friends hang out. I look back at him and go "YUP!" And go back to texting. RUDE! Don't be a complete ass to me what three days prior and expect to be all forgiven cuz you are in a place and don't know people and wanna look like you do. HELL NO! You apologize first then we can chat. His momma didn't raise him right.
Next up my friend/love/heart/boo John walks in and it's like the clouds have parted. I haven't seen John in MONTHS! He's one of my besties. He my gay husband. I was farklempt. OH and Caitlin was there too! Ugh I was just so happy to see them both! John stayed with me till the end of the night but Caitlin looked so beautiful of course awwwwwww Also my friend Vlad from Western MA! The best part about Boston is being surrounded by people from back home. Vlad is so much fun. After Ed passed by me and Caitlin left with Steve literally I felt seeing Vlad was how Miss Sofia felt when seeing Celie when she was locked up in jail in "The Color Purple!" He makes me laugh cuz we have this fake bitchery we do. My face was hurting from laughing. Love that boy.
When John arrived things got so much better. Bumped into Greg and Jeff (this guy I'd befriended online but never met). Ok Jeff totally freaked me out. You ever meet people that remind you of other people. He is the exact carbon copy of my current friend Mike. The ONLY difference is Jeff is 27 (Mike is 23). Jeff has a cute butt Mike's is like a half moon bubble hahaha And Jeff has lighter hair. The way they talk, dance, disposition, EVERYTHING is exact. Freaked me out. Even their damn smile. Facewise they look similar but not identical. I kept staring at him hahaha it was crazy! I was so tired I reintroduced him to my friend John hahaha John's like "Honey we met thirty minutes ago." OY!
And it happened again. My adorable friend Andy has a twin too. This time he and the guy look identical. His name is Rob and he's MY friend Rob's friend. At first I looked him and thought oh he's cute. Then I looked past his glasses and go "OH MY GOD you look like my friend Andy." I showed him the pic and he goes "Jesus that kid DOES look like me. I have pix when I was younger that's identical to that." And Rob and I totes clicked. We were both judging and just kept gabbing away like we've known each other for years. He goes "What are your hobbies?" I go "Reading writing--" "What do you write?" "Oh screenplays and stories." "Honey you shoulda led with writing screenplays." I fell in love a lil bit RIGHT there hahaha I need people like that in my life. Make me laugh and similar interests. He too is obsessed with movies so it was nice to talk to someone and feel comfortable.
The main theme of the night though was seeing people online in person. SO CREEPY! It's hilarious to me cuz they are so much nicer in person, but I've already got my first impression made up. I know that's probably an opportunity for me not to judge people based on their persona online. But it really burns my brownies that I'm me online and I have to give leeway to others. Why? Well I gave a lot of stank eyes and cold shoulders. One guy my friend Brian introduced me to "Oh do you know Ryan" I was like "I know her...so anyways." Hahaha Sorry he's a cold block of ice bitch EVERY time I say hi. Donzo. Of course he kept staring at me the whole night smiling. Hell no hooka you had yo chance to impress me.
Ok so I'm off to clean and start my day before dinner with the in-laws hahaha
First I'm talking with Ben via text and he tells me he and his parents are doing Thanksgiving Sunday instead of Thursday cuz they will be away...and invites me to meet them. I have to say yes of course because it's been close to two years since they've first started hearing about me. Sadly I let my straight boyfriend know cuz he and I were suppose to hang out. Anyways so that's happening today at around 5ish. Me and the str8 bf are hanging out after that though thankfully. I haven't seen him since August I need my friend facetime.
Then GUESS WHO WALKS UP TO ME?! Oh Ed of course. Walks up to me, flicks my hand to say hi. I look at him then back at my phone. "What you are gonna pretend you don't know me?" I instantly flash to him telling me "We should be acquaintances then" after I tell him friends hang out. I look back at him and go "YUP!" And go back to texting. RUDE! Don't be a complete ass to me what three days prior and expect to be all forgiven cuz you are in a place and don't know people and wanna look like you do. HELL NO! You apologize first then we can chat. His momma didn't raise him right.
Next up my friend/love/heart/boo John walks in and it's like the clouds have parted. I haven't seen John in MONTHS! He's one of my besties. He my gay husband. I was farklempt. OH and Caitlin was there too! Ugh I was just so happy to see them both! John stayed with me till the end of the night but Caitlin looked so beautiful of course awwwwwww Also my friend Vlad from Western MA! The best part about Boston is being surrounded by people from back home. Vlad is so much fun. After Ed passed by me and Caitlin left with Steve literally I felt seeing Vlad was how Miss Sofia felt when seeing Celie when she was locked up in jail in "The Color Purple!" He makes me laugh cuz we have this fake bitchery we do. My face was hurting from laughing. Love that boy.
When John arrived things got so much better. Bumped into Greg and Jeff (this guy I'd befriended online but never met). Ok Jeff totally freaked me out. You ever meet people that remind you of other people. He is the exact carbon copy of my current friend Mike. The ONLY difference is Jeff is 27 (Mike is 23). Jeff has a cute butt Mike's is like a half moon bubble hahaha And Jeff has lighter hair. The way they talk, dance, disposition, EVERYTHING is exact. Freaked me out. Even their damn smile. Facewise they look similar but not identical. I kept staring at him hahaha it was crazy! I was so tired I reintroduced him to my friend John hahaha John's like "Honey we met thirty minutes ago." OY!
And it happened again. My adorable friend Andy has a twin too. This time he and the guy look identical. His name is Rob and he's MY friend Rob's friend. At first I looked him and thought oh he's cute. Then I looked past his glasses and go "OH MY GOD you look like my friend Andy." I showed him the pic and he goes "Jesus that kid DOES look like me. I have pix when I was younger that's identical to that." And Rob and I totes clicked. We were both judging and just kept gabbing away like we've known each other for years. He goes "What are your hobbies?" I go "Reading writing--" "What do you write?" "Oh screenplays and stories." "Honey you shoulda led with writing screenplays." I fell in love a lil bit RIGHT there hahaha I need people like that in my life. Make me laugh and similar interests. He too is obsessed with movies so it was nice to talk to someone and feel comfortable.
The main theme of the night though was seeing people online in person. SO CREEPY! It's hilarious to me cuz they are so much nicer in person, but I've already got my first impression made up. I know that's probably an opportunity for me not to judge people based on their persona online. But it really burns my brownies that I'm me online and I have to give leeway to others. Why? Well I gave a lot of stank eyes and cold shoulders. One guy my friend Brian introduced me to "Oh do you know Ryan" I was like "I know her...so anyways." Hahaha Sorry he's a cold block of ice bitch EVERY time I say hi. Donzo. Of course he kept staring at me the whole night smiling. Hell no hooka you had yo chance to impress me.
Ok so I'm off to clean and start my day before dinner with the in-laws hahaha
the one about loyalty
So I think it's ingrained in us that we do not trust anyone ESPECIALLY gays. I hate that. I hate that gays don't know how to keep secrets but more importantly don't understand secrets can be kept too.
Recently I had a conversation where one of my friends wasn't present. Now a friend and I whom are mutual friends with this person didn't say anything bad about this person, but he just wasn't present. In fact some of the "other stuff" was private flirtation towards that person. So I'm laughing and told my friend "Hey ___ is funny. I was explaining how I have a crush on person B and he asked me about you." That's where the conversation ended. So what did this person in chat do? "BIG MOUTH! YOU TELLING EVERYTHING!" DRAMA! Why? Everything would be EVERYTHING! He didn't get it. It was pissing me off. I had to just end the conversation or I woulda said stuff that woulda hurt feelings.
But back to my why? Why would people start drama when there isn't any? Because they are not use to people actually NOT being loyal that's why. They are use to people stabbing them in the back and giving away secrets. Just because it's the norm doesn't make it right. And just because others do it, doesn't mean I will.
Everyday I realize more and more I slowly have nothing in common with people I thought I did. And its not even about just secrets...loyalty also has to do with boundaries and not crossing them. I think today no one trusts anyone but themselves and friendships are dispensable. It's pretty rare nowadays for people to be friends with kids they have grown up with me. I met Megan on September 1, 1985 and we're still friends. I have high school and college friends from 1989 and 1994 respectively. Its almost like what I lack in long lasting relationships I make up for in long lasting friendships.
Loyalty my friends.
Recently I had a conversation where one of my friends wasn't present. Now a friend and I whom are mutual friends with this person didn't say anything bad about this person, but he just wasn't present. In fact some of the "other stuff" was private flirtation towards that person. So I'm laughing and told my friend "Hey ___ is funny. I was explaining how I have a crush on person B and he asked me about you." That's where the conversation ended. So what did this person in chat do? "BIG MOUTH! YOU TELLING EVERYTHING!" DRAMA! Why? Everything would be EVERYTHING! He didn't get it. It was pissing me off. I had to just end the conversation or I woulda said stuff that woulda hurt feelings.
But back to my why? Why would people start drama when there isn't any? Because they are not use to people actually NOT being loyal that's why. They are use to people stabbing them in the back and giving away secrets. Just because it's the norm doesn't make it right. And just because others do it, doesn't mean I will.
Everyday I realize more and more I slowly have nothing in common with people I thought I did. And its not even about just secrets...loyalty also has to do with boundaries and not crossing them. I think today no one trusts anyone but themselves and friendships are dispensable. It's pretty rare nowadays for people to be friends with kids they have grown up with me. I met Megan on September 1, 1985 and we're still friends. I have high school and college friends from 1989 and 1994 respectively. Its almost like what I lack in long lasting relationships I make up for in long lasting friendships.
Loyalty my friends.
the one that even I'm at a loss over
So guess who contacted me last night while I was hanging out at Tony's?! BEN! I had sent him an email Thursday before I went on vacation. It was me being serious NOT passive aggressive:
Not looking for a response back. Leaving for vacation today and have an odd week so happy birthday and hope you get better soon.
That's it. Nothing else. No "Talk to you later" I literally wanted to say my piece and that's it. He leaves me a voicemail (I have shoddy service at Tony's condo) that's basically everything I've wanted someone I dated to apologize for, say they missed me and why, and ask to hear back from me. Me the advice giver extraordinaire was stunned.
One motto I have is never forgive someone not asking to be forgiven. And if you can't admit you're wrong I don't trust your advice. So we've been texting back and forth all morning and he is about 95% where he needs to be for me to fully forgive him. He still doesn't comprehend why you can't date your friends' dates. Baby steps I guess.
One thing he did say was "You keep coming back David. Obviously there is something you too feel isn't over between us." Do I? If I'm being honest with myself seeing him with his friend (that wasn't his date at the movies) made me a touch jealous....and there you have it. He just apologized for the Ed debacle of 2010. AND he understands why it's wrong. UGH! So confused.
What's worse is my mom wants to meet him bad...and his mom wants to meet me! I think part of me is freaked out that he knows with 100% certainty I'm the one for him. Yet he never allowed me the chance to discover if he's the one for me. He got weird too quick. I dunno. UGH!!!!!!! Why can't life be easier to figure out?
Not looking for a response back. Leaving for vacation today and have an odd week so happy birthday and hope you get better soon.
That's it. Nothing else. No "Talk to you later" I literally wanted to say my piece and that's it. He leaves me a voicemail (I have shoddy service at Tony's condo) that's basically everything I've wanted someone I dated to apologize for, say they missed me and why, and ask to hear back from me. Me the advice giver extraordinaire was stunned.
One motto I have is never forgive someone not asking to be forgiven. And if you can't admit you're wrong I don't trust your advice. So we've been texting back and forth all morning and he is about 95% where he needs to be for me to fully forgive him. He still doesn't comprehend why you can't date your friends' dates. Baby steps I guess.
One thing he did say was "You keep coming back David. Obviously there is something you too feel isn't over between us." Do I? If I'm being honest with myself seeing him with his friend (that wasn't his date at the movies) made me a touch jealous....and there you have it. He just apologized for the Ed debacle of 2010. AND he understands why it's wrong. UGH! So confused.
What's worse is my mom wants to meet him bad...and his mom wants to meet me! I think part of me is freaked out that he knows with 100% certainty I'm the one for him. Yet he never allowed me the chance to discover if he's the one for me. He got weird too quick. I dunno. UGH!!!!!!! Why can't life be easier to figure out?
the one about remaining friends within a fractured group
I love tackling topics that people are afraid to talk about or it's taboo. Why? Because we are all thinking the same thing and it's just better to get it out and discuss.
One of the most uncomfortable situations for me use to be when I was friends with someone that everyone else USE to adore but now hates. So I had to divide my time between this group and this person. And when the group would talk about this person behind their back I either defended the person or sat uncomfortably. THEN I became an adult. Not agewise (cuz there are still 40 year olds whom are incapable of being adults). I realized some things.
First is most of my friendships are fragmented anyways. I have about two handfuls of people I call best friends. My best friend Brandon lives in Georgia. My best friend Megan lives in Agawam, MA. My best friend Tony lives down the street from me. My other best friend Larry lives in Enfield, CT. Another best friend Devonna lives in Hartford, CT. Another Matt lives in Orlando, FL. Alice lives in New Hampshire. Another JP lives in DC. My friendship with these people and the distance away from me in which they live have no determination on how close of a bond we have. I don't talk to some of them daily but when I do it's like we just talked last night. That bond is still there in spades. So I'm CONSTANTLY separating my time for friends. It's just my uncomfortableness came from me separating my time for my friends whom use to hang out together and now don't. SO! It's life. I decided to get over it.
And I also realized I hang out with people like me. If they can talk behind your back they can say the same damn thing to your face. The group I hang out with is very honest and loving towards each other. We hug say the L word and are just there for each other. The one thing I LOVE is that if we don't talk or hang out in months and suddenly a crisis comes up and we need advice or just venting we call each other and there's no "Well you ditched me for x amount of time...." Anyways I digress.
But yeah for me I think it's important to also remind myself WHY this person is no longer in the group. The WHY is important. I never want to hold someone accountable for something they did with someone else obviously but I want to be mindful "ok my friends didn't like this particular action of this person. I better keep my wits about me and make sure if it happens I bring it up as an area of opportunity for them if I'm gonna continue being friends with them." I'm pretty vocal about my concerns and in turn if someone has something to bring up with me I encourage it. It may not be comfortable to hear when I eff up, but I'd rather know than not.
I guess the morale of the story is think long and hard of the different scenarios that could play out by remaining friends with someone no longer in your "circle." Clearly it can go two ways either your bond with them is totally different or your friends were right. Either way if you feel that its worth it try it. The worse that can happen is your friends were right and you'd have to admit that with your tail between your legs LOL
One of the most uncomfortable situations for me use to be when I was friends with someone that everyone else USE to adore but now hates. So I had to divide my time between this group and this person. And when the group would talk about this person behind their back I either defended the person or sat uncomfortably. THEN I became an adult. Not agewise (cuz there are still 40 year olds whom are incapable of being adults). I realized some things.
First is most of my friendships are fragmented anyways. I have about two handfuls of people I call best friends. My best friend Brandon lives in Georgia. My best friend Megan lives in Agawam, MA. My best friend Tony lives down the street from me. My other best friend Larry lives in Enfield, CT. Another best friend Devonna lives in Hartford, CT. Another Matt lives in Orlando, FL. Alice lives in New Hampshire. Another JP lives in DC. My friendship with these people and the distance away from me in which they live have no determination on how close of a bond we have. I don't talk to some of them daily but when I do it's like we just talked last night. That bond is still there in spades. So I'm CONSTANTLY separating my time for friends. It's just my uncomfortableness came from me separating my time for my friends whom use to hang out together and now don't. SO! It's life. I decided to get over it.
And I also realized I hang out with people like me. If they can talk behind your back they can say the same damn thing to your face. The group I hang out with is very honest and loving towards each other. We hug say the L word and are just there for each other. The one thing I LOVE is that if we don't talk or hang out in months and suddenly a crisis comes up and we need advice or just venting we call each other and there's no "Well you ditched me for x amount of time...." Anyways I digress.
But yeah for me I think it's important to also remind myself WHY this person is no longer in the group. The WHY is important. I never want to hold someone accountable for something they did with someone else obviously but I want to be mindful "ok my friends didn't like this particular action of this person. I better keep my wits about me and make sure if it happens I bring it up as an area of opportunity for them if I'm gonna continue being friends with them." I'm pretty vocal about my concerns and in turn if someone has something to bring up with me I encourage it. It may not be comfortable to hear when I eff up, but I'd rather know than not.
I guess the morale of the story is think long and hard of the different scenarios that could play out by remaining friends with someone no longer in your "circle." Clearly it can go two ways either your bond with them is totally different or your friends were right. Either way if you feel that its worth it try it. The worse that can happen is your friends were right and you'd have to admit that with your tail between your legs LOL
the one about drama vs. disagreements
So I have this friend that my core group of friends considers toxic. To the point when we hang out we spend at least 30 mins venting about how crazy he is. Now they are venting because he has caused such strife in their lives. It's a safe environment. But one thing they keep telling me is "David, you need to be done with him. He's toxic, self-destructive, and will drag you down." "No no he's changed I promise I wouldn't give him a second chance if he didn't." I'm lying to myself. I give people too many second chances and they don't deserve it.
On that note I realized most people today use the term drama incorrectly. Partly because it adds spice to a conversation to say "Oh this person is causing drama." So what's the difference between drama and a disagreement? Honesty. My roommate and I get into disagreements all the time. He's messy and leaves his dishes in the sink when we have a perfectly running dishwasher. I tell him to put it in there so I can run it. He doesn't. I let it go. Disagreement. Drama is creating a HUGE argument. Posting a facebook status about it. Texting him constantly how he's horrible. And ignoring him cuz of it. DRAMA!
And you get over disagreements. Generally in a disagreement it doesn't matter who's right or wrong. They are petty and you move on. I'm not looking for an apology from my roommate about damn dishes. He eventually puts the dishes in the dishwasher so I let it go and run the damn dishwasher when it's full. So this toxic person. Le sigh. He is KNOWN to cause drama. And I just wonder why? We had a disagreement. I let it go THINKING it was a disagreement but still a tiny bit annoyed. What does he do? Creates drama. Storms off. Texts our mutual friend how he's mad at me. Comes back. Then gets mad cuz I didn't apologize to HIM and then proceeds to text ME saying he doesn't know why I'M mad at him. One thing I feel is a point of no return though is when you swear at me.
I know it's completely childish, but when my friends swear at me joking I accept it. "Dude eff you" or I have a friend who jokingly flips me off. It's hilarious in a Ouisier Boudreaux way. When in the heat of your anger you tell me to "eff off" at that point I check out and you're done. I do not accept that. Sorry. He has done that to my circle of friends in the past too. DO NOT CREATE DRAMA OVER A DISAGREEMENT!
I have this saying "Get out of your own way." Immediately if one of my friends says something hurtful to me I will repeat that to myself. What I do is immediately take an assessment "Do they really mean it hurtfully to me? Have they said the same stuff in the past? Have I brought it up to them how I dislike being talked to/treated like that before? Would I be ok if they are no longer in my life?" If I answer no in my head to one or more of these questions I let it go. I maybe mention it to them "Hey what you said kinda hurt (insert sad face)" and we talk about it. But I do not end a friendship over a disagreement. With HIM every disagreement is a friendship ending moment. I cannot take that. And more importantly I do not have to.
I've driven him to the hospital, visited him in the hospital, stood up for him when people actually were trashing him, been his taxi MANY times, and my favorite opened my wallet when I knew I didn't have the cash. To be talked down to or mistreated by this person is in my mind completely unacceptable.
Folks the moral of the story is we are human. We are not perfect. Know that we will get into arguments with our best friends and it's not going to be pretty. The thing you need to remember is again there are Disagreements and there is Drama. Don't mix the two. A disagreement should NEVER lead into drama. If I were Hermione Granger I would perform the obliteration charm to erase the sense of urgency people turn disagreements into drama from people's brain.
On that note I realized most people today use the term drama incorrectly. Partly because it adds spice to a conversation to say "Oh this person is causing drama." So what's the difference between drama and a disagreement? Honesty. My roommate and I get into disagreements all the time. He's messy and leaves his dishes in the sink when we have a perfectly running dishwasher. I tell him to put it in there so I can run it. He doesn't. I let it go. Disagreement. Drama is creating a HUGE argument. Posting a facebook status about it. Texting him constantly how he's horrible. And ignoring him cuz of it. DRAMA!
And you get over disagreements. Generally in a disagreement it doesn't matter who's right or wrong. They are petty and you move on. I'm not looking for an apology from my roommate about damn dishes. He eventually puts the dishes in the dishwasher so I let it go and run the damn dishwasher when it's full. So this toxic person. Le sigh. He is KNOWN to cause drama. And I just wonder why? We had a disagreement. I let it go THINKING it was a disagreement but still a tiny bit annoyed. What does he do? Creates drama. Storms off. Texts our mutual friend how he's mad at me. Comes back. Then gets mad cuz I didn't apologize to HIM and then proceeds to text ME saying he doesn't know why I'M mad at him. One thing I feel is a point of no return though is when you swear at me.
I know it's completely childish, but when my friends swear at me joking I accept it. "Dude eff you" or I have a friend who jokingly flips me off. It's hilarious in a Ouisier Boudreaux way. When in the heat of your anger you tell me to "eff off" at that point I check out and you're done. I do not accept that. Sorry. He has done that to my circle of friends in the past too. DO NOT CREATE DRAMA OVER A DISAGREEMENT!
I have this saying "Get out of your own way." Immediately if one of my friends says something hurtful to me I will repeat that to myself. What I do is immediately take an assessment "Do they really mean it hurtfully to me? Have they said the same stuff in the past? Have I brought it up to them how I dislike being talked to/treated like that before? Would I be ok if they are no longer in my life?" If I answer no in my head to one or more of these questions I let it go. I maybe mention it to them "Hey what you said kinda hurt (insert sad face)" and we talk about it. But I do not end a friendship over a disagreement. With HIM every disagreement is a friendship ending moment. I cannot take that. And more importantly I do not have to.
I've driven him to the hospital, visited him in the hospital, stood up for him when people actually were trashing him, been his taxi MANY times, and my favorite opened my wallet when I knew I didn't have the cash. To be talked down to or mistreated by this person is in my mind completely unacceptable.
Folks the moral of the story is we are human. We are not perfect. Know that we will get into arguments with our best friends and it's not going to be pretty. The thing you need to remember is again there are Disagreements and there is Drama. Don't mix the two. A disagreement should NEVER lead into drama. If I were Hermione Granger I would perform the obliteration charm to erase the sense of urgency people turn disagreements into drama from people's brain.
The Next Three Days
My friend Tom and I got to see a free screening of Russell Crowe's "The Next Three Days" co-starring Elizabeth Banks. She plays a woman accused of murder. He is her teacher husband and father to her son. With no other option since the case against her is air-tight he decides to break her out of prison and take her and their son on the run. He has formed a plan to do so in...."The Next Three Days" hence the title.
Some parts of it were unbelieveable, but it was a good popcorn movie. The fact that it was written and directed by Paul Haggis (the genius writer/director behind "Crash" and writer of Million Dollar Baby") made me wanna see it. The ending was one of those "WTF" moments. I won't spoil it but overall I'd give it a B. Being a writer and movie fanatic I love movies that are detail oriented. Upon first viewing I saw they left no stone unturned. Now this doesn't mean should I see it again I am like COME ON. (although one moment was a COME ON moment. It was just a lil too much. My friend and I turned to each other and was like SERIOUSLY?! And I guarantee you will know what I mean when you see it). The weirdest part was I was like "ok how are they gonna end it." And among all the chaos and subpar unbelievability they ended it so smartly! It was like Paul Haggis wrapped up the ending himself.
Anyways go see it. You won't regret :)
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows Part 1
My first midnight premiere movie. I got home at 4am!
The movie was entertaining. Being that I never read the books I only follow the movies I can appreciate it. The only thing over-the-top was the audience. Ok seriously when a funny part presented itself people were laughing like it was "Wedding Crashers 2" and when it was sad people were crying like it was "Titanic: the sequel." But I must say my favorite was the "dark" scenes. People were SCREAMING and JUMPING like we were viewing "Halloween" for the first time. I WISH I WERE KIDDING! It was a mess. I wish I went with a less animated crowd.
But the story itself was good. I got a tiny bit confused and had to ask my squirrelfriend after a plot point, but overall good. I'm strangely attracted to the tall ginger twins. RIGHT?! They are goofy and have always had the best lines in the movies. But I must say my favorite is Luna Lovegood. She reminds me of Anna Faris from "Scary Movie" franchise.
Luna: Come on dad. Harry wants us to leave he's just too polite to tell us.
She delivers this with a smile on her face and dippy look. LOVE IT! LOVE IT! LOVE IT! I want to be her. I found her to be my fave. I wish to meet someone like that in my personal life or maybe I will become that. I swear loved it.
But I will def see the next one...just not at midnight hahaha
JEM
It has finally happened. I submitted my idea! HAHA Seems like this year is the year of listening to my friends! When they suggested I create a blog I did. And they've always suggested I submit my movie ideas to a studio...and I did!
Amazon.com has partnered up with Warner Brothers Studio to create Amazon Studios. Amazon Studios is a production company that will take submitted scripts to Warner Brothers, produce them, and distribute them as "First Look" through Warner Brothers. Should Warner Brothers pass the writer and Amazon may go to another studio. I submitted my first of three screenplays for JEM. Why? Many reasons.
- Jem is exactly what the public needs. A female-driven movie about two battling girl rock bands set against Hollywood, fashion, and music. GOLD MINE!!!!!!!!
- No sex. Very little violence. HUGE cult following.
- There were three seasons so there should be three movies.
- Cheap to produce. The most expensive part will be very little special effects and wardrobe.
- The fans of Jem want movies made.
So cross your fingers and wish me luck. And when you have a chance go read my first submission!
Cont'd...here's the kicker. You know that in life we need signs to know something might happen? Well in September I won second place in a JEM fan fiction writing contest. One of the writers from the series was a judge and said it was tough deciding if mine and another's was the winner. Well today I got a package from JemCon! I registered with Amazon Studios last night and today I get my winner's package. Come on that's a clear sign! Just thought I'd share.
Rihanna
What the hell is this chi doing? Lemme say first that I love love love RiRi's music. "Rude Boy" started it then "Only Girl (In the World)" now "What's My Name?" featuring yummy Drake. This chick has got me hooked on songs I listen to OVER and OVER and OVER! And she is the chorus girl of choice in the rap industry. FOR CEREAL!
But it wasn't so long ago she was in dire straits. Lemme rewind. A lot of people do not recall this. Remember Britney Spears MTV Music Awards debacle performing "Gimme More?" Well as Brit-Brit was performing the camera panned to Rihanna and she was LAUGHING! Yup go on YouTube you will see a clip of Rihanna LAUGHING at Britney. No someone didn't tell a joke. The camera came up to Rihanna. Held a pause and Rihanna looked at Britney and laughed. It was in that moment her fate was sealed.
I'm by no means saying Rihanna got what she deserved. NO ONE should EVER hit another human being. But when you mock someone else when they are down and do it publicly Karma has a way of making you appreciate rock bottom. What's even worse? Some people I've talked to have said "Oh Rihanna probably provoked Chris. I mean girls know how to make men mad till they snap." HOMO SAY WHAT? We are taught as children to fight with your words and not take what's yours. Chris CLEARLY didn't learn anything from childhood now his career is in the toy toy and she's on top...for her music.
For me when I saw her laughing I was disgusted with Rihanna as a person and an artist. I screamed at my TV "That could be you! Don't laugh!" I was really upset with Rihanna. Stopped listening to "Good Girl Gone Bad" for awhile even. I didn't even listen to "Rude Boy" till it was out for a good six months. And even then I love the song, wrong artist. I asked myself "Why is she singing about a rude boy when she had one and got rid of him?" Didn't fit the artist.
Now I dunno what the hell she's doing. She looks like an Olsen twin with her hobo chic...but it's the bad version. I don't get it. I want her to go back to Glamorous RiRi. Good Girl Gone Bad RiRi. That girl was beautiful. And is it me or does her voice SOAR in "Only Girl (In the World)?" It sounds like she took singing lessons or something. At first listen I kinda thought it was Beyonce. But it's like part two of "Don't Stop the Music"...like a club remix released as an original. LOVE LOVE IT! And "What's My Name?" sounds like part two of "Rude Boy" Just amazing.
Well I will have a listen to the entire album. I just hope she finds herself and soon!
WBut it wasn't so long ago she was in dire straits. Lemme rewind. A lot of people do not recall this. Remember Britney Spears MTV Music Awards debacle performing "Gimme More?" Well as Brit-Brit was performing the camera panned to Rihanna and she was LAUGHING! Yup go on YouTube you will see a clip of Rihanna LAUGHING at Britney. No someone didn't tell a joke. The camera came up to Rihanna. Held a pause and Rihanna looked at Britney and laughed. It was in that moment her fate was sealed.
I'm by no means saying Rihanna got what she deserved. NO ONE should EVER hit another human being. But when you mock someone else when they are down and do it publicly Karma has a way of making you appreciate rock bottom. What's even worse? Some people I've talked to have said "Oh Rihanna probably provoked Chris. I mean girls know how to make men mad till they snap." HOMO SAY WHAT? We are taught as children to fight with your words and not take what's yours. Chris CLEARLY didn't learn anything from childhood now his career is in the toy toy and she's on top...for her music.
For me when I saw her laughing I was disgusted with Rihanna as a person and an artist. I screamed at my TV "That could be you! Don't laugh!" I was really upset with Rihanna. Stopped listening to "Good Girl Gone Bad" for awhile even. I didn't even listen to "Rude Boy" till it was out for a good six months. And even then I love the song, wrong artist. I asked myself "Why is she singing about a rude boy when she had one and got rid of him?" Didn't fit the artist.
Now I dunno what the hell she's doing. She looks like an Olsen twin with her hobo chic...but it's the bad version. I don't get it. I want her to go back to Glamorous RiRi. Good Girl Gone Bad RiRi. That girl was beautiful. And is it me or does her voice SOAR in "Only Girl (In the World)?" It sounds like she took singing lessons or something. At first listen I kinda thought it was Beyonce. But it's like part two of "Don't Stop the Music"...like a club remix released as an original. LOVE LOVE IT! And "What's My Name?" sounds like part two of "Rude Boy" Just amazing.
Well I will have a listen to the entire album. I just hope she finds herself and soon!
the one about Tom
So I am so annoyed right now. There's this guy Tom I've been online friends with for over ten years. We've even chatted on the phone. He's besties with my friend JP. Tom and I flirt hardcore. Sure there's naughty stuff involved but it's always been flirtatious.
This week he tells me he's in Boston area. I say great and he says he wants to meet. I say great and proceed our normal flirting and he just changes his tune. I literally thought someone got ahold of his phone and texted me. Well me being me I let it go. Today I ripped him a new one. I told him he's pulling a str8 guy move where something is fine and good till reality hits. Basically it was okay for us to flirt from a distance. The minute he was close enough he freaked out. I told him he needs to apologize. He didn't. So I gave him one word answers. THEN he has the chutzpah (I'm no longer Christian I'm Jewish by language) to say "Well we should still meet up." Why? He's moving to Boston area and needs a friend.
H to the E to the double hockey sticks no! If I don't get an apology I'm not moving forward. And if we meet he will get the cold shoulder. I don't do well with wishy-washy Ed type of people anymore. I got no tolerance. And I have people in my life (Kelly, Chuck, and Jen B to name a few) that love me the way I am and would love to fill up my free time chatting than to hang out with schmucks!
We shall see. (folds arms)
This week he tells me he's in Boston area. I say great and he says he wants to meet. I say great and proceed our normal flirting and he just changes his tune. I literally thought someone got ahold of his phone and texted me. Well me being me I let it go. Today I ripped him a new one. I told him he's pulling a str8 guy move where something is fine and good till reality hits. Basically it was okay for us to flirt from a distance. The minute he was close enough he freaked out. I told him he needs to apologize. He didn't. So I gave him one word answers. THEN he has the chutzpah (I'm no longer Christian I'm Jewish by language) to say "Well we should still meet up." Why? He's moving to Boston area and needs a friend.
H to the E to the double hockey sticks no! If I don't get an apology I'm not moving forward. And if we meet he will get the cold shoulder. I don't do well with wishy-washy Ed type of people anymore. I got no tolerance. And I have people in my life (Kelly, Chuck, and Jen B to name a few) that love me the way I am and would love to fill up my free time chatting than to hang out with schmucks!
We shall see. (folds arms)
the one about exes...again
So Ed is NOT the same Ed I went on dates with. He was all "Oh well I don't want stress or pressure in my life" when I told him if he wants to be friends in the true sense of the word then we should hang out as friends. So his rebuttal "then maybe we should be acquaintances." I was like "You know what I didn't realize hanging out as friends was strenuous, but if you wanna chat you can contact me on facebook" I'm done playing games with guys old enough to know better. He's a 33 year old lawyer. Why the games? Maybe him and Ben ARE suited for each other!!!! Ugh got no time.
I'm not discussing Ben at depth. He's manipulative and just not a nice person deep down to his core. He's pompous egotistical and I've given him WAY too many chances only to be burned as a friend AND dating. I was in the shower the other day thinking why I have given him so many chances. The best I could come up with is I had hope. Hope he was a good person. Hope he took what feedback I gave him previously and used it. But more importantly hope that I made a difference in his life. But no. He reminds me alot of Josh. Very much thinks he's right about everything and he cannot be wrong.
Speaking of Josh haven't talked to him. The last time we hung out he was way too judgmental and just bitchy. I did not feel comfortable when he was making fun of me putting ketchup on the exact same sandwich he got, and I won't be calling him. He's definitely physically what I like, but personality wise not my type at all. And the thing is he doesn't get it. He never will. He thinks he's right about everything and there's no challenging him. Fine I won't challenge him...I'll just avoid him. And that's exactly what I've been doing. The best part was when he said "Geesh you're being so judgmental of other people." And right after he judges me. What I realized when I got home was a few things:
Then Bruce. He randomly contacted me a couple weeks ago and so we've been in minimal contact since. Part of me wants to get back with him and show him all that he missed out on and part of me wants nothing to do with him romantically. Not sure which part is stronger. Well right now actually the nothing to do with is stronger. I had a great date last sunday with Dave. He's one of those guys you meet in a crowded room and ask "Why are you single?" He's just sooooooo nice. Sooooo cute. And just boyfriend/husband material. SERIOUSLY! So we are going on our second date Sunday. I really like spending time with him. I kept yacking at the mouth and he didn't even mind haha That alone makes him a keeper hehe
Ugh why is Bruce creeping back into my head? I almost feel like things are unfinished with him. Ok if I'm thinking things out he was a jerk ONCE to me but it was a really big jerk move. He's apologized for it since but hasn't truly 100% made up for it in a sweeping gesture. I need that gesture to know he's truly sorry. If I see that gesture then I will know if he deserves a second chance even to be true friends or not. THERE I talked it out.
I'm not discussing Ben at depth. He's manipulative and just not a nice person deep down to his core. He's pompous egotistical and I've given him WAY too many chances only to be burned as a friend AND dating. I was in the shower the other day thinking why I have given him so many chances. The best I could come up with is I had hope. Hope he was a good person. Hope he took what feedback I gave him previously and used it. But more importantly hope that I made a difference in his life. But no. He reminds me alot of Josh. Very much thinks he's right about everything and he cannot be wrong.
Speaking of Josh haven't talked to him. The last time we hung out he was way too judgmental and just bitchy. I did not feel comfortable when he was making fun of me putting ketchup on the exact same sandwich he got, and I won't be calling him. He's definitely physically what I like, but personality wise not my type at all. And the thing is he doesn't get it. He never will. He thinks he's right about everything and there's no challenging him. Fine I won't challenge him...I'll just avoid him. And that's exactly what I've been doing. The best part was when he said "Geesh you're being so judgmental of other people." And right after he judges me. What I realized when I got home was a few things:
- When I judge people around him in particular it was deflecting because I knew he'd be judging me
- He could have judged me right after to try and "teach me" a lesson about judging
Then Bruce. He randomly contacted me a couple weeks ago and so we've been in minimal contact since. Part of me wants to get back with him and show him all that he missed out on and part of me wants nothing to do with him romantically. Not sure which part is stronger. Well right now actually the nothing to do with is stronger. I had a great date last sunday with Dave. He's one of those guys you meet in a crowded room and ask "Why are you single?" He's just sooooooo nice. Sooooo cute. And just boyfriend/husband material. SERIOUSLY! So we are going on our second date Sunday. I really like spending time with him. I kept yacking at the mouth and he didn't even mind haha That alone makes him a keeper hehe
Ugh why is Bruce creeping back into my head? I almost feel like things are unfinished with him. Ok if I'm thinking things out he was a jerk ONCE to me but it was a really big jerk move. He's apologized for it since but hasn't truly 100% made up for it in a sweeping gesture. I need that gesture to know he's truly sorry. If I see that gesture then I will know if he deserves a second chance even to be true friends or not. THERE I talked it out.
Marie Osmond on Oprah
At first I was thinking she was acting. The woman has been in show business for 48 years. She went in and out of laughter, tears, and normal conversation. Then I realized no. She isn't acting.
I have people that I know what have lost a child and you DO run that gambit of emotion. My heart broke like eighty times for this woman. What was the worse part?
People online were saying he was gay and that's why he killed himself. Marie lost it not for that rumor but when speaking about how the kids in September killed themselves over being bullied for being gay. She even said "I want to clear this rumor up because my daughter who is gay took offense to the fact that not all gay people commit suicide."
After this AND her operatic performance I have so much respect for Marie. I didn't realize how beaten up in the press she was. I never had an opinion on her either way. But she never said yes or no to Oprah when asked if she was in an abusive second marriage.
She's a single mom raising now 7 kids (BUT she has 8 total) and working in show business. I respect her so much more after this show.
the one about Ed
So I decided to contact Ed. I woke up today and watched Brothers & Sisters. Kevin and Scotty are fighting because Scotty cheated. Scotty said to Kevin "You know talking about a problem is better than icing it out." For some reason I thought only about Ed.
We clicked. He's a great guy. He's an ACTUAL nice guy. Not a nice guy pretending. He called when he said he would. He would show up when he said he would. But we are both very stubborn people. I need more of that in my life. Good people ya know?
Well I have no clue what he'll say or do. I should learn to expect the unexpected from people. Ok well off to finish B&S before work. Today's my Friday. Tomorrow I have off and I'm only working like 4 hours Friday. :D
We clicked. He's a great guy. He's an ACTUAL nice guy. Not a nice guy pretending. He called when he said he would. He would show up when he said he would. But we are both very stubborn people. I need more of that in my life. Good people ya know?
Well I have no clue what he'll say or do. I should learn to expect the unexpected from people. Ok well off to finish B&S before work. Today's my Friday. Tomorrow I have off and I'm only working like 4 hours Friday. :D
Glee: Never Been Kissed
I will be the first to admit (and you can ask ANY of my friends) I loathed and despised Glee. I dubbed it the white version of "Fame"...I refused to watch it the first season.
Then I heard Ryan Murphy (creator of my fave canceled show "Nip/Tuck") created/wrote/directed it. My curiosity piqued. When Jane Lynch won an Emmy for Best Supporting Actress I said "Ok I need to find out the big deal."
I began watching it episode 1 Season 2. The Britney episode was good. The "Grilled Cheesus" episode was my fave. I love when a show can literally talk to me. That episode let me know it was okay to be spiritual about God and believe it Him.
Tonight's episode is called "Never Been Kissed." It's about Kurt (he's the middle bottom guy) being the ONLY one in school openly gay and being picked on. He goes to a rival school where being gay isn't a stigma. CLEARLY this spoke to me. It was like Ryan Murphy KNEW my life.
Kurt was being picked on but more specifically the teachers weren't helping. And the one thing one openly gay kid at the rival school said that got me was "You have two options. Stand up for yourself or run." Did they read my damn blog about high school? LOL For real.
I am now a Gleek and proud of it. I eat my words and love love love this show.
Ps. One of the commercials the title was 'being tracked by your cell phone'...a guy with HUGE gauges in his ears goes "It's creepy." Ironic.
Then I heard Ryan Murphy (creator of my fave canceled show "Nip/Tuck") created/wrote/directed it. My curiosity piqued. When Jane Lynch won an Emmy for Best Supporting Actress I said "Ok I need to find out the big deal."
I began watching it episode 1 Season 2. The Britney episode was good. The "Grilled Cheesus" episode was my fave. I love when a show can literally talk to me. That episode let me know it was okay to be spiritual about God and believe it Him.
Tonight's episode is called "Never Been Kissed." It's about Kurt (he's the middle bottom guy) being the ONLY one in school openly gay and being picked on. He goes to a rival school where being gay isn't a stigma. CLEARLY this spoke to me. It was like Ryan Murphy KNEW my life.
Kurt was being picked on but more specifically the teachers weren't helping. And the one thing one openly gay kid at the rival school said that got me was "You have two options. Stand up for yourself or run." Did they read my damn blog about high school? LOL For real.
I am now a Gleek and proud of it. I eat my words and love love love this show.
Ps. One of the commercials the title was 'being tracked by your cell phone'...a guy with HUGE gauges in his ears goes "It's creepy." Ironic.
Morning Glory
Is the movie predictable? Yes you know how it's going to end and whom is going to end up with whom. But the fun part is how they arrive there. That's the atypical part.
I will buy this movie on DVD when it comes out. This was a smart movie where you aren't screaming at the screen "OH COME ON!" or "SAY SOMETHING!" Rachel does everything right.
Sideline...holy awkward sauce. I show up alone and content. GUESS who's there? Yup! Cray cray Ben. But he's not there with Ed whom was my date till he stalked him. No he's there with ANOTHER guy. So basically he ended anything with Ed (dating or friendship) for nothing because now he's dating some OTHER black guy. He won't be happy till he's dated all the black men in the greater Boston area I'm convinced.
Thankfully he didn't see me. I slipped out RULL RULL quick. I called my mom immediately she's like "You need to be done with him." And I am. Like Mariah said SHAKE IT OFF!
the one about my new straight boyfriend
Yup it's happened. Since my current straight boyfriend ignores me and never spends time with me I got a new one. His name is Alex. He doesn't know he's my straight boyfriend cuz it'll confuse him LOL If my friends met him they would say he's perfect for me. 6 ft. Brown hair. A cross between Keanu Reeves and Sean Penn. And yes he's dumb lol Ok not DUMB but airheaded. He's in my training class the next three days. Example you ask?
Instructor: We are going to break up into pairs.
Alex: Pears?
Me: Not the fruit, Alex. Teams of two.
Alex: Oh.
The best part about him he KNOWS he's funny. Like I'm not making fun of him. He truly knows he's this way. And one day and we bonded. I could see myself being friends with him.
Now Justin, don't get jealous. You are number one. But since you moved you are my VT straight boyfriend. Can't wait to see you in January my heart hehe xoxo
Well that's all for now. Hope all is well.
Instructor: We are going to break up into pairs.
Alex: Pears?
Me: Not the fruit, Alex. Teams of two.
Alex: Oh.
The best part about him he KNOWS he's funny. Like I'm not making fun of him. He truly knows he's this way. And one day and we bonded. I could see myself being friends with him.
Now Justin, don't get jealous. You are number one. But since you moved you are my VT straight boyfriend. Can't wait to see you in January my heart hehe xoxo
Well that's all for now. Hope all is well.
Due Date
I really enjoyed this movie. It was "The Hangover" meets "Road Trip." It almost felt like Zach is playing the same character. They dress the same. They have the same quirkness. Only difference is this guy has a dog. Overall not bad. Just won't be buying this one on dvd.
Oprah 200 men
Fortunately I was never molested. I was physically abused with hitting and verbally abused, but sexually thank god. I don't know how I could've handled that. But I do know I was very conscious of this from being physically and emotionally abused: DO NOT LET THEM WIN! How will they have won? By me being a failure. By me saying I can't have this or that because I was abused. For me being not achieving something and saying "Oh I was abused I can't do this or that." I am a SURVIVOR which means just like a cancer survivor or alcoholic I have to fight everyday to maintain normality.
Amazing show. Of course I was sad to know 1 out of 6 men are sexually molested and half of them by more than one abuser. Some of the women and girlfriends and boyfriends are there and OMG it's so sad. What would possess you to do that? Weren't we taught as kids to not take what isn't ours?
No one knows this but one day I was babysitting my nephew Dietrich. I'm a VERY strict babysitter anyone will tell you. You go to be at 800. Not 759 not 801. 800! Well he wasn't happy I put him to bed and cried. As I checked in on him and saw him sleeping. I stared at him thinking:
Whom would wanna hurt him?
Whom could even THINK he's sexually attractive?
Why would anyone wanna hurt him?
I didn't mean to but I kissed him on the forehead and hugged him. He woke up for a second and went back to sleep. I closed the door and cried. I just felt terrible that in the time it took me to hug and kiss him some little boy was being molested. That was the last time I babysat him before I moved in 2006. UGH I just wanna protect him. I don't want anyone to ever hurt him. He's such a trusting kid.
Today I look at guys in their 20s and I'm like ugh. I think guys younger than 25 or too young for me. I guess I wish I could understand the rationale for pedophiles. I understand they are sick and broken but they need help. They don't need my pity or sorrow they need HELP! There are few things in this world that are black and white right or wrong THIS is wrong!!!!!!!!!
For anyone who has ever been molested it's better to talk about it than hold it in. If you even need to shoot me an email please do so. I will not judge. And if you don't want to talk to me talk to someone! Someone will care. Please visit http://www.menthriving.org as well.
the one about gay teens and churches
I was talking to a coworker today and had a brilliant thought. Since most churches are more accepting of gays why don't they put together a program for gay teen counseling. Not conversion, but someone for gay teens to talk to whether it be other teens, adults, or preferably other gay teens or adults. With the bad connotation churches have gotten over the years I think this would be a wonderful way to "give back" especially like I said if the churches are accepting.
For me the one thing I miss about my friendship with Jamie is the honesty. We told each other ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING! There was no topic off limits, but there was also nothing that shocked each other. I know things about her I will take to my grave. But had I not had her I dunno whom I woulda talked to. That's why I think it's important for a teen who's gay with parents or a family not accepting to have someone to vent to. Jamie was a teen herself so to have her sit there and listen to me bitch day in and out was amazing. But she shouldn't have had to bear that burden. I shoulda felt comfortable enough going to an adult.
Anyways that's just my thought on the subject. Now off to hanging out with my bestie for Friday night Vampire Diaries and gorging.
ps. Even though Jamie and I aren't speaking I actually just sent her a Facebook message thanking her. I think this blog is helping me think about things ALOT that I never even thought about before :)
For me the one thing I miss about my friendship with Jamie is the honesty. We told each other ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING! There was no topic off limits, but there was also nothing that shocked each other. I know things about her I will take to my grave. But had I not had her I dunno whom I woulda talked to. That's why I think it's important for a teen who's gay with parents or a family not accepting to have someone to vent to. Jamie was a teen herself so to have her sit there and listen to me bitch day in and out was amazing. But she shouldn't have had to bear that burden. I shoulda felt comfortable enough going to an adult.
Anyways that's just my thought on the subject. Now off to hanging out with my bestie for Friday night Vampire Diaries and gorging.
ps. Even though Jamie and I aren't speaking I actually just sent her a Facebook message thanking her. I think this blog is helping me think about things ALOT that I never even thought about before :)
model Chris Nogiec
He and I have been online friends since like 1999 FRIENDSTER! Remember Friendster? LOL Yeah we met there, and he lived in Boston, moved to LA, then moved back to Boston. We've never met in person, but yes it has been really him. But I just wanted to highlight an actual positive gay role model. Oops hope I didn't out him. But he's just pretty consistently nice. One of these days we'll meet, fall in love instant, and have 10000 babies. hahaha
But yeah this is my crush and now you know the backstory. Click on his name to go to his website. He's also a personal trainer!
the one about Heather
So today woulda been her 27th birthday! I thought about her all day. UGH! I wonder where she woulda been in her life? It's funny I heard this song today "Fancy" by my other celeb hubby Drake (I have alot of celeb husbands don't judge me). And I kept thinking "Heather, would TOTALLY love this song." All day I was like "Oh Heather woulda laughed at this." Or Heather woulda liked this TV show or movie.
Ashley and I talked yesterday, and we both said how we are hiding from people. I'm trying not to, but she sounds like she definitely is. :( Part of me wishes I lived back home just to see her weekly like I use to. Me, her, and Nick bonded every week. Now I hang with my bestie Tony weekly.
I digress. I miss and love you Heather. Next time I go home I'm coming to visit. xoxo
Ashley and I talked yesterday, and we both said how we are hiding from people. I'm trying not to, but she sounds like she definitely is. :( Part of me wishes I lived back home just to see her weekly like I use to. Me, her, and Nick bonded every week. Now I hang with my bestie Tony weekly.
I digress. I miss and love you Heather. Next time I go home I'm coming to visit. xoxo
Oprah interviews Ricky Martin
It's Rrrrrrrrricky MartEEN to be honest LOL My friends and I use to say that.
But in all seriousness Oprah is the best screenwriter ever. Listen to this. Over the years she's had Ricky on. She was his first interview after he came out. This is how slick she is. She digs up an interview she did with him with Menudo when he was 13 for her show prior to Oprah. On the show he kisses a lil girl and hugs her. Pan back to present show the girl is 30 standing in the audience. WTF?!
the one about Robbie
So I had a crush on this guy Robbie. He was a waiter at Fritz a year ago. Tall. Boy next door. Completely gorgeous. Everyone who met Robbie whether tall boy next door was their type thought he was beautiful. He still is (sorry he ain't dead). I'd see him at Club Cafe. He started dating my friend Tyler. Just kinda the hot guy I will always have a crush on ya know?
Well we were online chatting back and forth on Tyler's fb wall and I felt he was being utterly bitchy. At the time I was realizing what Josh was to me which was not a good thing. I think I just thought every gay man was bitchy so I cut things off with Josh and for a period ANY guy I thought was being that way too. My friend Mike, Robbie, and there were others.
As you read previously for Lent I gave up grudges. It truly has changed my life. Really. I now try to say the things you aren't suppose to say to your friends in a tactful way to avoid grudges. Kinda like how I told Ben it was wrong to go on dates with Ed while I was going on dates with Ed. I gave him the chance. He just didn't like me telling him he shouldn't do something. Everything's a pissing contest with him but I digress. So I reached out to Robbie tonight.
"...we're very sarcastic, but it's all meant to be playful and funny. I never intended it to be bitchy! I'm sorry. i actually thought you were nice, never had an issue with you."
Like what a jerk I am. I just apologized. There's no way to defend myself when I didn't ask him. I shoulda said "are you being rude?" Always ask folks never assume. I hate loathe and despise when people I DON'T know say "oh you're in a pissy mood." How the hell would you know if we just met? But yeah I swallowed all pride and apologized. Now I feel bad. :( The "I actually thought you were nice" got me. I know Jen told me nice isn't really a description you wanna be described as, but I love it. Makes me melt when I hear someone call me nice.
So Robbie, I'm sorry. I misunderstood and feel like a complete ass. Forgive me :( schmoosh to make up?
Well we were online chatting back and forth on Tyler's fb wall and I felt he was being utterly bitchy. At the time I was realizing what Josh was to me which was not a good thing. I think I just thought every gay man was bitchy so I cut things off with Josh and for a period ANY guy I thought was being that way too. My friend Mike, Robbie, and there were others.
As you read previously for Lent I gave up grudges. It truly has changed my life. Really. I now try to say the things you aren't suppose to say to your friends in a tactful way to avoid grudges. Kinda like how I told Ben it was wrong to go on dates with Ed while I was going on dates with Ed. I gave him the chance. He just didn't like me telling him he shouldn't do something. Everything's a pissing contest with him but I digress. So I reached out to Robbie tonight.
"...we're very sarcastic, but it's all meant to be playful and funny. I never intended it to be bitchy! I'm sorry. i actually thought you were nice, never had an issue with you."
Like what a jerk I am. I just apologized. There's no way to defend myself when I didn't ask him. I shoulda said "are you being rude?" Always ask folks never assume. I hate loathe and despise when people I DON'T know say "oh you're in a pissy mood." How the hell would you know if we just met? But yeah I swallowed all pride and apologized. Now I feel bad. :( The "I actually thought you were nice" got me. I know Jen told me nice isn't really a description you wanna be described as, but I love it. Makes me melt when I hear someone call me nice.
So Robbie, I'm sorry. I misunderstood and feel like a complete ass. Forgive me :( schmoosh to make up?
the one about Facebook...FMT
So I have to say people are giving social networks like Facebook and Myspace WAY too much bad press. They talk about how it breaks up marriages and ends friendships. Well guess what THEY ARE WEBSITES! They cannot do any of those things. The people ON them can. Don't blame McDonald's for making you fat, folks. Stop buying the products. I mean WTF?
For me Facebook especially has given me the chance to reconnect with so many people I lost touch with. Family members, friends from HS (Aja!!! Love you), and keep in touch with my friends. I have a faction of friends I do not see for months or years at a time. Not cuz we hate each other but that's life. Doesn't mean our friendship isn't as strong as it first was. Just means we are busy. Facebook has given us a way to catch up. Posting pix. And messaging back and forth. AND truth be told I missed my work wife's wedding in September due to food poisoning (thank you Applebee's Dorchester), and she posted some of her wedding photos there. I mean HELLO that's huge. She gave me the other website but still. STOP BASHING A WEBSITE YOU SIGN INTO!
My favorite thing about Facebook are the acronyms. My friend Mike introduced me to FML which means F*ck My Life. But his cousin Kerry introduced me to her very own FMT lol It means F*ck My Tits Hahaha Is that not hilarious? And she has different variations. When I told her how my ex Ben went on a date with my date Ed (it wasn't an accident Ben SOUGHT Ed out after I was telling him about Ed) she responded "F*ck His Tits" (meaning Ben) then added "actually F*ck Both Their Tits!" hahaha I absolutely love it. For some reason I can't get use to saying it. But I love writing it hahaha FYT We are so trying to make this happen.
For me Facebook especially has given me the chance to reconnect with so many people I lost touch with. Family members, friends from HS (Aja!!! Love you), and keep in touch with my friends. I have a faction of friends I do not see for months or years at a time. Not cuz we hate each other but that's life. Doesn't mean our friendship isn't as strong as it first was. Just means we are busy. Facebook has given us a way to catch up. Posting pix. And messaging back and forth. AND truth be told I missed my work wife's wedding in September due to food poisoning (thank you Applebee's Dorchester), and she posted some of her wedding photos there. I mean HELLO that's huge. She gave me the other website but still. STOP BASHING A WEBSITE YOU SIGN INTO!
My favorite thing about Facebook are the acronyms. My friend Mike introduced me to FML which means F*ck My Life. But his cousin Kerry introduced me to her very own FMT lol It means F*ck My Tits Hahaha Is that not hilarious? And she has different variations. When I told her how my ex Ben went on a date with my date Ed (it wasn't an accident Ben SOUGHT Ed out after I was telling him about Ed) she responded "F*ck His Tits" (meaning Ben) then added "actually F*ck Both Their Tits!" hahaha I absolutely love it. For some reason I can't get use to saying it. But I love writing it hahaha FYT We are so trying to make this happen.
the one about about family
So this is a picture of my mom's parents Samuel and Ida O'Quinn. They had 11 children together, and he had 1 from a prior marriage. My mother is the youngest. And like most of America I have a complicated family filled with lies, betrayal, and abuse. For many years I focused on that. All the anger and hurt my family caused me.Then oddly enough my cousin Bea friend requested me on Facebook. Then another cousin Phalba. Slowly it was like all these people in my family that I have no anger towards and that I love reentered my life. It was like that line Julia Roberts said in Pretty Woman "The bad stuff is easier to believe." I believed I had a horrible family when I don't. I have a great family; there are just a few bad apples in the bunch.
Unfortunately my anger towards these few made me shut them all out. I missed moments like my cousin Bea having her baby. My cousin Tony (her brother) and his kids. Weddings. Births. Weddings. Graduations. Family parties. And how do I get that back? I can't. It's gone forever. But here's the truly bizarre thing: these people think the world of me.
One day I was having SUCH a bad day at my old job. Just not having a good time. Lost my direction in life. Wanted to quit. And I went online and was reading a status about my cousin Bea upset over the loss of her beloved cat. Of course I immediately reached out to her, and it was like we were talking back and forth right next to each other. Of course talking online cannot replace being in person, but for that moment it did.
I talk to my mom daily and told her that. She was so sad being a cat lover herself. And then I realized something profound. Ok so you see someone walking down the street and think to yourself "He looks like such a mess." Or you have that hated enemy. But here's the reality check they have family that love them. There is a group of people in their lives that think the world of them. No matter WHAT you or I think about this person has parents that light up when they are in the room. Grandparents whom beg to get even five minutes of their time. And kid cousins that jump up and down pulling on their arm to get their attention. I'm sure whatever they did to make you despise them is still valid, but just something that crossed my mind.
A-List: New York
I completely have to eat my words I love The A-List: New York. I know it's wrong, but I can't stop. It's Melrose Place for gays. There's a ton of drama, but that's indicative of gay life. The part I'm shocked about is Reichen Lehmkuhl.
I completely pegged him as a celebwhore. Jumping from celebrity relationship to celebrity relationship. I was watching the first episode and he said "Rodiney, I just can't be the breadwinner I want you to contribute." That's when I was like OK he's not into just money. I have been surprised at how much I like his "character." Tonight he and Rodiney did this thing where form a human ball and roll over each other. Reichen was laughing so hard. But not fake laugh more like a high pitch unexpected laugh that you have when it's you and your friends ONLY. It's weird but that laugh was almost like watching them have sex. It was a private real moment, and I was just shocked in a good way to witness it.
You know Austin is a hot damn mess. He starts drama and crashes parties, but GOOD GOD is he hot. They keep saying how fat he is. He isn't fat though. Maybe he's fat by a model's standard, but he's not fat by the average man. I have a feeling he's NOT like how he's portraying himself. Odd part I friend requested everyone on the show via Facebook, and he's the only one to decline my friend request...BASTARDO LOL
Oh well. I have a hot straight boyfriend so :-P
Dancing with the Stars!
I have the most brilliant idea. Me and Perez Hilton do dancing with the stars as partners...when I get more famous. OMG how awesome would that be?
Ps. Brandy showed WAY too much underwear tonight. I mean I know Max is hot but GURL! Oh wait don't tell my Chris I like Maksim Chmerkovskiy. Look at this man:
Chris or Maksim? Chris or Maksim? UGH! I dunno who to choose. And yes he looks horrible in the last pic but I don't even care. I'll ta....UGH Don't tell Chris.
the one about Soap Operas - Dumbing down of women
On Y&R Sharon was married to Adam. Turns out Adam stole her baby and gave it to Ashley because he scared Ashley into falling down the stairs and miscarrying her own. She hated Adam for what he did for all of...thirty seconds. Ever since divorcing him she spends more time with him saying how she hates him. HELLO! (I know confusing plot aside). Then Sharon's mother-in-law Nikki realistically forgives Deacon who's a recovering alcoholic like her (backstory he nearly ruined her daughter's marriage). They bonded over AA meetings then of course Deacon fell for Nikki. Then Deacon plotted to get Nikki drunk and have her husband find them in bed together. Nikki was shipped to rehab where SHOCKER Deacon was. Instead of telling him to go away she invites him into her room and they talk like old buddies. She has no clue he's been working with someone to break her and her husband up but common sense. HELLO!
"One Life to Live" is even worse. This teen mom (NO NOT JAMIE LYNN SPEARS) named Starr was kidnapped by this guy Eli. Eli also kidnaps Starr's half sister Dani. Between the two of them they can't take this one guy WHO'S BEEN SHOT IN THE ARM? One scene Starr finally runs from Eli. Eli goes inside still with gimp arm and manages to tie Dani in knots AND gag her. WTF? This is not entertainment. THEN Dani is about to escape and finds her supposedly dead mom tied up. Together they are about to leave when Eli shows up and AGAIN he ties TWO women up having lost blood and still shot in the untreated arm. Now I know its fiction but come on! What really burned my bread was when Starr gets kidnapped by another WOMAN who wants her dead so she can have Starr's boyfriend. Hannah holds Starr captive with her daughter Hope in an attic and then holds her at gunpoint. At no point did adrenaline rush through Starr and she lunge at Hannah for threatening the life of her baby...oh yes Hannah pointed a gun at Hope. After James Ford (who is the dumbest guy in the history of soaps) is BURIED ALIVE by Starr while Hannah points a gun at her, struggles with Hannah, Starr finally hits Hannah with a shovel in the back of the head...this was weeks of missed opportunities to get away and get the upper hand.
My anger stems from how women are portrayed. I understand not everyone will fight. But at the point that a woman's child is threatened all reason goes out the window. That crosses a line and it was in poor taste of the soap...which is being executive produced and headwritten by two men. GUYS COME ON! STOP!
90210 - The Gay Guy
Ok writers I understand you are straight. You have no idea what it's like to be gay. But seriously punching your lover in the gut isn't the way most guys handle coming out. Fix this story pronto. It's sending the wrong damn message. Don't get me started on the latinos whom are buy purses full of coke! OY!!!!
the one about the Star Wackers
If you haven't heard Randy Quaid and his wife of 11 yrs Evi have been leaving a trail of unpaid for hotel rooms because they are scared of the Star Wackers. Star Wackers they say are Producers/Writers that have killed such people as Heath Ledger, Chris Penn, and David Carradine. And Lindsay Lohan is next.
Why am I pissed? Because these two believe this to the point they are ruining Randy's career. Anyone who knows me knows I want nothing more than to be an A-List celeb and have an amazing career, marry either Chris Nogiec and live in Hollywood. So how does Randy have it all and giving it away? He's on drugs. That's the only explanation.
It reminds me of people like Julia Roberts. She was pulling in $25m per pic before she became a mom and left Hollywood for 5 years. My question is didn't these people have a plan? Like I plan on working for about 5 years full-time three or four movies a year, but then cutting back to two once Chris and I get married and start adopting kids (boy and a girl). Can't have the nanny raise our kids since Chris is a huge male model.
Conviction
The best movie of 2010. Set in Ayer MA int he 80's the premise is a woman puts herself through law school to defend her brother whom she feels is wrongfully accused at the cost of her own family. This woman has no formal education and is a housewife.
If you haven't seen it see it. Think girl version of Good Will Hunting meets Mystic River. I even thought Clint Eastwood directed this.
My 2011 Academy Award predictions:
Best Director - Tony Goldwyn
Best Actress in a Leading Role - Hilary Swank
Best Actor in a Leading Role - Sam Rockwell
Best Actor in a Supporting Role - Peter Gallagher
Best Actress in Supporting Role - Minnie Driver and Juliette Lewis
Best Original Screenplay - Andrew Sugerman
Why? Because like Hilary's other Oscar winning movies it's about a down on your luck person who does EVERYTHING she can for someone she loves...her brother...her big brother. Who wouldn't want that role and Hilary did a bang up job! I think they are all shoe-ins but the big one will be between Minnie and Juliette. Why? Minnie is basically Karen Walker from Will & Grace with less booze. She tells Hilary's character the truth even when she doesn't wanna hear it. And Juliette goes BEYOND anything she's ever done before. Her role is a standout. Hmm think white trash times a hundred and fifty...but make no mistake she is NOT stupid.
Again go see it if you haven't. You will not regret it.
the one about my new neighbors
So there are 4 apartments in my building. I'm at my own favorite number 3. Across from me is a grad student. This girl is a hermit. Goes back and forth to her apartment. Then there's the apartment 2. If I was my landlord I would NEVER sell that apartment. When I moved here in 2008 there was a guy named Frank that lived there. He was so weird. Had a cat and drilled peep holes into his front and back door. UM Frank. Theres NO WAY anyone outside can even come into the building without a key. No idea why he did that. Since he moved two couples moved in. Each one broke up and moved out. Couple number three is a doozy. So I'm friendly right? I struck up a conversation with a guy on the T named Chris. Yes Chris is tall and dumb looking so clearly I was attracted but he was also CLEARLY straight. I simply chatted about mundane things whenever I saw him. Then one day I was walking down the street to CVS and Chris was standing with his girlfriend and gave me the death stare. Even mumbled something under his breath. I was like WTF?! Well GUESS who's my new neighbor in apartment 2? LOL No I don't hope they break up, but suddenly he's buddy buddy again. "Oh hey. How's it going?" I mostly roll my eyes and do something I have NEVER been able to do before...I act fake. The eye roll is a reflex. The fakeness is to mask my inner resentment towards him for being a toolbag. Which brings me to apartment 1. Prior to the new tenants this weekend was a woman named Sheila. Occasionally her TV or music was loud but she was a decent neighbor. The guy after her Kenny was a MESS! He was 33 going on 13. It was like this was his first apartment. He would blare Bon Jovi so loud I had to go downstairs to knock on his door to which he'd ignore. UGH! Now it's these new people. Ok I understand you make alot of noise moving. THESE PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MOVING FOR THREE DAYS! It's a three room apartment. How much ish are they moving in? Banging on walls. Moving furniture. Did they clean out Ikea? For goodness sake! And it's ALL DAY! It was so bad I got 6 hours sleep in three days AND I had to take today off as a sick day so I could sleep late and nap all day.
What sucks I miss work. I love love love my job! It's such a good fit for me. And the people are amazing. No they aren't perfect, but they make me laugh and there is such a good synergy between all of us.
What sucks I miss work. I love love love my job! It's such a good fit for me. And the people are amazing. No they aren't perfect, but they make me laugh and there is such a good synergy between all of us.
the one where I catch-up
So since my vacation alot has happened. I am actually going on dates with Ben now. He's changed so much but not 180. The things that annoyed me before are gone. It's almost like he took notes and worked on it. I know it sounds like I'm this perfect person and he was a royal eff up. He wasn't a royal eff-up but I have worked VERY hard to be the type of person that I was during when we were dating and I cannot say I was at fault for anything. I'm not trying to place blame either, but if I had a concern I would voice it. If I had an annoyance I'd let him know in a tactful way. Now I really can't say I have anything to complain about. He's alot more calm. Alot more thoughtful as far as thinking before reacting. And he has always been but I guess I didn't notice, he REALLY is considerate.
The one thing I went wrong I think was I didn't truly know whom he was prior to us dating the first time. We didn't go on dates. Get to really know the ins and outs of each other. And focus on what we want and don't want in a relationship prior to dating. One day I decided we should date and we did. We had to figure all that stuff out while we were dating. Sometimes that works for people. Didn't work for us. I think we've been going on dates since April and it's been great. No pressure. Not exclusive yet. He really came through though last Thursday I have to admit. I was so impressed. I needed help and he was there. That has really put him over. And I get constant correspondence from him on a daily basis. I can honestly say aside from my family and friends the feeling of having someone want me is so...cool. Not just want me for sex or to say they have someone. But truly genuinely want me. I look at him totally different now than I did the first time around.
So that's going on. And I am proactively looking to change my work situation. It's not horrible at work it's just not me anymore. I have a couple avenues that I won't talk about yet for fear I'll jinx it, but I am definitely putting my nose to the grindstone. Very excited for some of the prospects. Again we shall see.
Lastly I am ever so slowly digging myself out of financial ruin LOL This will be HUGE because I can now enjoy life a lil. FINALLY! Get back to fun me :)
The one thing I went wrong I think was I didn't truly know whom he was prior to us dating the first time. We didn't go on dates. Get to really know the ins and outs of each other. And focus on what we want and don't want in a relationship prior to dating. One day I decided we should date and we did. We had to figure all that stuff out while we were dating. Sometimes that works for people. Didn't work for us. I think we've been going on dates since April and it's been great. No pressure. Not exclusive yet. He really came through though last Thursday I have to admit. I was so impressed. I needed help and he was there. That has really put him over. And I get constant correspondence from him on a daily basis. I can honestly say aside from my family and friends the feeling of having someone want me is so...cool. Not just want me for sex or to say they have someone. But truly genuinely want me. I look at him totally different now than I did the first time around.
So that's going on. And I am proactively looking to change my work situation. It's not horrible at work it's just not me anymore. I have a couple avenues that I won't talk about yet for fear I'll jinx it, but I am definitely putting my nose to the grindstone. Very excited for some of the prospects. Again we shall see.
Lastly I am ever so slowly digging myself out of financial ruin LOL This will be HUGE because I can now enjoy life a lil. FINALLY! Get back to fun me :)
the one about Avatar
So lately I've become obsessed with Avatar. It's just such a good movie...but let's be clear I'm not obsessed with Pandora. I am an adult that knows the difference between real-life and make-believe. But my Pandora is much more simple.
I spent a week long vacation at home relaxing. OH EM GEE amazing. I do NOT wanna go back to work. I slept an extra half-hour from depression going back. I've never in my life been like this. I've had week long vacations for my birthday since 2001 and this has been awful. EVERY SINGLE DAY I did something so awesome that I was happy about doing. Now I gotta go back and I'm full of dread.
Either that tells me I need to marry rich and be a stay-at-home husband OR get a new job LOL Either way I'm not happy about going back to work.
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