Epic

Visually this movie is beautiful. Storywise OY VEY!

I "think" it's "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids" meets "A Bug's Life." I get the attempt but wow this was a bad one.

A ton of big name stars lend their voices....but it was a waste. I don't get WHY the importance of the story. I actually fell asleep twice and had to rewatch. There is an unresolved love story. The villan isn't really scary. 

Think of this like watching a baby being born; you think it's going to be a wonderful experience until it happens. It's not as wonderful as you think. It's actually pretty painful for everyone involved, and you just can't wait till it's over. Granted at the end is a beautiful baby; at the end of this is well the chance to start a new movie lol It doesn't answer any questions or make you fascinated about anything. Plus it's already been done.

Honestly if you want your kids to be entertained for two hours take them to this. If you are an adult into animated films pass on this or wait for cable/Netflix.

"Another Gay" movies

This is suppose to be the gay version of "American Pie" four gay high school best friends vow to lose their virginity before graduating high school in "Another Gay Movie." For whatever reasons all but one of the main actors is back in the sequel (probably because the first sucked and they didn't wanna be associated with a sequel) that sees the four gay best friends in college and going on Spring Break in Ft. Lauderdale, FL in "Another Gay Sequel."

What makes this movie annoying is not the bad acting or the production values, but the fact that each movie was given a budget of $500,000. YES the budget was that big AND wasted on cheap gay stereotype storytelling and overacting. There's nothing remotely charming about either movie. In fact I am surprised I sat through both fully. 

The only saving grace was seeing the heavenly body of Jimmy Clabots in the sequel (he was on "Gigolos" on Showtime).

 

If Matt Damon didn't exist Jimmy would be my dream guy! He's perfection head to toe (although I think he may be insane as he was charged with domestic violence). 

Working with  my friend Mark to get his movie up and running really ticks me off knowing this movie is in production....TWICE!

I shouldn't rain on anyone's success. The first movie did make $700k, but the second made $100k. I'm assuming there won't be a third.

My honest opinion...both movies were not good. I wish I could say one was better than the other but I really really can't.

 

After Earth

For some reason everytime I see my bestie Brandon (friends since Feb 2000 itches!) we go to a movie...and it's always a movie with a black cast. It's probably just a coincidence but this has been going on since 2005 haha I suggested "After Earth" as I really wanted to see it.

The premise is Earth becomes unlivable (after all the natural disasters) so we are shipped to another planet. Will Smith is the stern General who is the head of a mission to bring a very dangerous creature back to its planet. This specific creature attacks using human's sense of fear. In order to kill the creature you have to be fearless which will render you invisible.

During the transport Jaden Smith, playing Will's son, tags along. The ship is then on course with an electrical storm in outer space. It damages the ship BADLY and is forced to land back on Earth, which has now become humanphobic. All animals now are grown to fear humans. Per the trailer Will and Jaden become the ONLY humans on Earth now. Because the plane has separated and the tail is now far away from where they are Jaden must travel to the tail, send the rescue beacon up, and come back as Will's legs are broken in the crash.

With me so far? Well I will not ruin anything with spoilers, but I liked the movie. It was basically the opposite of "The Pursuit of Happyness" which they starred in together. This time Jaden must rescue/protect Will. I loved the switch (and it didn't go unnoticed). Special effects were ON POINT! Nothing looked fake or blue screened.

NOW for my only two bones of contention. In the beginning Jaden shows willfulness (giggles Willfulness and he's Will's son...sorry) as he doesn't do what he's told. This keeps him from being a Ranger (which is today's Armed Forces). When they crash on Earth Will says "You have to do EXACTLY what I say to survive DO YOU UNDERSTAND?" Jaden says "Yes." Now do you think he does? UGH so annoying. And if you are trying to prove you deserve to be a Ranger why would you be a bonehead? UGH so annoying. I may have yelled at the screen like Brenda from "Scary Movie." There was one moment I may have teared up.

My other irk was Will's BORING ass speech about how he shows no fear. UGH shut up. I rolled my eyes and clapped. Yes I was ratched up in the movies. 

Anyways overall not a bad movie. Don't expect Oscar nominations for acting. Effects maybe. Cinematography too. Sound and lighting basically anything technical. SO AH-MAH-ZING!

After it was done the biggest surprise..."Directed by M. Night Shymalan." I was stunned. There was no big twist or anything. I had no clue he directed it. After seeing that credit not gonna lie loved it a bit more.

Worth the price of admission...ps. I keep wanting to say "After Birth" lol sorry I'm juvenile.

Shear Madness

 

My friend Mark from high school tells me "Hey I have free tickets to see a play with me on Wednesday night from my acting class. You wanna go see Shear Madness? It's this murder mystery whodunit." I go "Shear Madness? What the hell is that?" I half googled it. 

So we get there (it's playing around the country currently at Charles Playhouse in Boston).  Been playing for 30 years in other parts of the country. THE FUNNIEST PLAY I'VE EVER BEEN TO! It was like a comedy show with a murder mystery.

I'm not giving away ANY spoilers, but the whole premise is a hasbeen pianist is murdered above the posh hair shop Shear Madness between 4-430pm. At that exact moment all 4 of the main cast members are unaccounted for so it could be either Barbara (the stylist trying to hide something), Ed (the older gent that has a strange past with Barbara), Tony (the flamboyantly gay but hilarious owner), or Mrs. Shubert (the older rich woman hiding something). 

The best part is when the fourth wall is broken. They actually include the audience in trying to solve the mystery. The improv the actors do is AH-MAH-ZING! I loved everything about this play.  And when I say funny I MEAN funny. Funnier than "The Hangover," "Bridesmaids," "Wedding Crashers," and "Stepbrothers." 

If you have time to check this out definitely go see it. You will not regret it!

Behind the Candelabra

Matt Damon portrays Scott Thorson the live-in boyfriend of Liberace played by Michael Douglas. 

Growing up in different foster homes Scott found a stable mentor in Liberace. Scott and Liberace lived together for 5 years at which time Scott became uncomfortable having sex with Liberace (like most relationships sex dwindles after awhile right?). Scott became addicted to drugs while Liberace became addicted to finding affection where he wasn't getting it. He didn't cheat on Scott ONCE during their relationship, but when they were broken up Liberace got his fill which led to him contracting the AIDS virus and his death.

Very linear story. No special effects or frills. Directed by Steven Soderbergh this was basically on the same budget at "Magic Mike," and you couldn't tell. Liberace's lavish life full on display, and I hear it was on a tight budget as no one wanted to finance something "so gay." The thing that I loved about this movie though was not just that my husband Matt Damon was in it, but the brilliance of the story.

There was no bad guy. Scott became addicted to drugs after he had some elective surgery; Liberace just wanted to feel loved. He wasn't bad for that. He knew he wasn't the BEST looking guy, but he had long deprived himself of such physical joys he wanted to experience that. He approached Scott several times, but Scott wasn't willing.

The brilliance of this story comes from Scott's own account. The movie is based on his book of the same name. Scott paints himself in a bad of light just as much as he paints Liberace so again there's no clear bad person in it. I love stories like that. Unbiased.

I predict Michael Douglas will win a Primetime Emmy for Lead Actor in a Miniseries, Made for TV movie and Matt Damon will win supporting. Michael didn't imitate Liberace but he embodied him much like Jamie Foxx did Ray Charles. And Matt...my Matt (swoon) sorry his acting was amazing. The script will be nominated as well as the directing and movie itself. Oh and Debbie Reynolds as Supporting Actress; she played his mother perfectly.

One thing I was upset about...Michael Douglas is the ONLY MAN to ever kiss Matt Damon full on the lips. UGH I'm muy jealous! 

Added bonus: Please go to OnDemand and watch "Making of Behind the Candelabra" it made the whole movie come together.

the one about the 47 year old gay dad that tried to date me

So I was talking to this guy online. We exchanged a few emails, and I let him know I haven't been on a date since February 2012. I told him dating for me is more about finding a soulmate rather than trying to hookup. 

He immediately asked me on a date. I felt okay about it but then had a panic attack. I was immediately honest with him and told him "being 37, on unemployment, and living with my mother I don't feel so great about myself. Not the best time to date." He reassured me no no he will pay for our date and he likes me. I went against myself and said ok. 

Then the day of (today) instead of not showing up or being rude 4 hours before our date I let him know "Listen I really really can't do this. I had another panic attack. How about we get together at another time after knowing each other longer." At 47 with 3 adopted kids and owning his own business he says to me via text "being 35, on unemployment, and living with your mother I gave you some slack but I'm pissed. I am a good guy. Your loss." EXCUSE ME?! WHO THE EFF ARE YOU? I said to him "I feel sorry for your children that if they disappoint dad or go against dad he berates them and throws their insecurities at them. At 47 shouldn't you be a little more mature than that? In any event please lose my number and do not contact me ever again." (I can block his number from calling me but not from texting me ugh) 

THIS is why I do not date. THIS is why I avoid guys. Everytime I think maybe I'm giving all guys a bad rap I encounter morons like him.

The Hangover Part III

Not even gonna lie this was funny...not as funny as the first but funnier than the second. 

The main plot is that Chow (played by Ken Jeong) escapes from a Bangkok prison after being arrested in the second and The Wolfpack (Stu played by Ed Helms, Phil played by Bradley Cooper, and Allen played by Zach Galifianakis - wow how I spelled that correctly is beyond me) must find Chow for Marshall (played by the hilarious John Goodman) will kill Doug (played by Justin Bartha). Who the hell is Marshall? Do you remember in the first one when Black Doug (Mike Epps) said "I gave you roofie? Oh man I musta mixed up the drugs. Marshall is gonna be pissed"? Marshall was his boss. And what did Chow do? He found out Marshall had $21 million in gold bars due to an overseas drug trade and stole half of the bars from Marshall. Still with me? So Marshall holds (just regular) Doug hostage till he gets Chow and his gold back.

Sounds easy right? Of course it's not that simple for The Wolfpack. There isn't a waking up and not remembering what happened part (thank Jeebus), but it's still original and hilarious. Melissa McCarthy joins in; I won't share her role because if I have to suffer you have to suffer. Let's just say I covered my eyes at one part lol 

Unfortunately it is not without its flaws. The Wolfpack get together because something happens with Allen in the beginning that forces them to stage an intervention and drive him to Arizona into New Horizons which is basically a mental health facility. (why they just didn't fly is beyond me) This plot device is virtually unanswered and dropped by the end of the film; it's never resolved or talked about ever again. Given the scene sets up the ENTIRE movie I was disappointed by that.

It was one of the funniest movies I've seen all year definitely the funniest in the franchise. Alot of familiar faces; alot of "OH MY GOD THEY AREN'T DOING THIS!" And for some weird reason every movie I keep looking at Ed Helms being hotter than Bradley Cooper. (shakes head) I KNOW! But this movie Ed Helms was def hotter than Bradley Cooper; sorry BC fans.

There is a slight scene after the names credits at the end. Not as funny as the rest of the movie, but definitely a lil wink/nod to their franchise.

Ps. no Mike Tyson isn't in it. But Carlos is :)

Grey's Anatomy

I was going to wait till I was done, but my friends have told me for years to watch this show. I started on season 1 episode 1 two weeks ago. I'm at season 5 episode 10 (each season has 17-24 episodes). 

For those of you whom don't know the show is a primetime soap version of ER. It centers around intern Dr. Meredith Grey (Ellen Pompeo) and her friends (Dr. George O'Malley played by TR Knight, Dr. Izzie Stevens played by Katherine Heigl, Dr. Alex Karev played by hot Justin Chambers, Dr. Christina Yang played by Sandra Oh) in the Surgical Intern Program at Seattle Grace Hospital. Attending Physicians Dr. Mark Shepard (Patrick Dempsey) and Dr. Preston Burke (Isaiah Washington) plus Chief of Surgery Dr. Richard Webber (James Pickens Jr.)

Immediately off the bat I didn't like Meredith. She was annoying off the bat. And in 4 seasons after that I still don't like her. I liked Christina off the bat and loathed Head of Interns Dr. Miranda Bailey aka The Nazi played by Chandra Wilson. I will say being the feminist I love love love the relationship between Christina and Meredith. They would and have done any and everything for each other. Over relationships and everything else. 

Now to one of my main grievances: I do not like the way the interns get talked to by their bosses or talk to their bosses. Example: Dr. Bailey in the first scene talks to the interns and tells them they are less than nothing and not important. WHAT?! Pretty sure that's NOT how they are talked to. If they weren't important they wouldn't be in the program TO BE DOCTORS! And then in another scene (of many) Meredith confronts Dr. Webber about a personal issue and YELLS at him. Legit yells. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! The best part is when the hospital is published as 12th best place to learn. This was the writers' attempt to soften the place, but it didn't work. And don't get me started on how the interns talk to their patients. Dr. Karev has punched and yelled at patients. And didn't get fired or reprimanded. This same guy even called his coworker Izzie a "bitch" when she told him about a patient whom had a hysterical pregnancy (in some cases women can believe their pregnant and their bodies react by expanding their bellies and showing pregnancy symptoms). AND HE DIDN'T APOLOGIZE!!!! I'm not going to ruin it but I was very upset at this storyline. Let's just say a verbal Chris Brown/Rihanna relationship. Dr. Bailey said the reason she talks to people this way is because this is a life-death place and you need thick skin. I don't buy it. The way they yell and scream grates my nerves. And don't get me started on one scene where Christina is upset a doctor hates her and talks down to her for no reason then later in seasons when she has her own interns she talks down to them the exact same way. She never acknowledges how she is doing the exact same thing she just does it. Grrrrrr

The one thing that irritates me more than ANYTHING is how the interns bitch and moan to Dr. Bailey when she assigns them surgeries to watch. They complain and whine (this is an adult show) and then when they are in surgery and told they can do something THEY FREEZE or RUN OUT OF THE ROOM! Not once or twice EVERY TIME! And they kill more patients than they save. If one character did this okay. But EVERY character? Every single intern? It gets annoying.

And the bedhopping is sooooooooooo annoying. Whenever there's a new doctor or intern be sure they will sleep with someone. Most hospitals I'm sure are less slutty. But I get that it's a drama. When the sex begins to affect the job is when I get aggravated. One scene an Attending Physician "punishes" an intern he's mad at because of a relationship fight and denies her in surgery even though she's MORE than capable. And they fight in front of patients. Dr. Webber held this HUGE meeting about new rules and how he wants no more gossip, disclosure of bedhopping, and favoritism. And the same scene it went out the window.

I've almost stopped watching the show. It's just too much, but they will have ONE storyline or character that I end up liking. I just wish there was more likeability to characters and consistency. I still like Christina the best overall, but she is HUGE for whining and demanding to be in surgeries then freezing.

Not gonna lie once I get to season 9 I think I'm gonna pray for it to be done LOL I don't know how many more seasons past 10 I can take. Hopefully it gets better.

The Girl

Based on the book Spellbound by Beauty: Alfred Hitchcock and His Leading Ladies by Donald Spoto this made for HBO movie explores the relationship between Hitch aka Alfred Hitchcock and "The Girl" aka Tippi Hedren.

Siena Miller plays Tippi Hedren to American accented perfection. And Toby Jones is the same with Alfred Hitchcock. At first the movie shows how great of a filmmaker Hitch is, but he soon descends into a full-blown obsession with Hedren. 

Hedren is called simply "The Girl" after her repeated rebuffs of Hitch's sexual advances and when he releases her from her contract. He was so disgusted with her refusal to sleep with him he quit calling her by her name.

The costumes, the acting, the production values were STUNNING! I felt transported to that time. Why this didn't get more marketing is beyond me.

Personally I think it's 100% true. Here's why: Hitch always cast blond beauties as leads and never worked with them in more than 3. The culture back then was to NOT talk about things that were deemed "inappropriate." Tippi was brave enough to step forward. She contributed alot of the dialogue for the movie. Everyone associated with Hitchcock disputes Tippi's claims. Eva Marie Saint says "Hitchcock was a gentleman, he was funny, he was so attentive to me, with the character, and he cared about everything my character Eve Kendall wore. He had an eye for the specifics of the character." Well guess what maybe you weren't his type. Same with Kim Novak. The more they deny it the more I think they are lying to protect him.

In any event like "Mommie Dearest" true or not I loved the movie!

The Undead

Hey guys,

My friend Mark is the co-writer/co-producer of a new zombie movie being made called The Undead.

Two yuppies venture out to the country to explore an opportunity away from their stressful city life. After driving several hours with no communication to the civilized world they find themselves isolated in a small and abandoned rural town. After being attacked by a disfigured man the two seek refuge in a house occupied by a young women with a questionable past. It is there that they learn what has happened to the townspeople and workers of the Russeltown Nuclear Plant. They are left with no alternative but to defend themselves and fight off "THE UNDEAD.

Please like the facebook page!!!!

The Great Gatsby

(Jaw wide open) WOW!

A review of this movie CANNOT start with anything but. In the words of Penny from "Happy Endings" AH-MAH-ZING! 

The production values were eye popping. The acting was OFF THE CHARTS! The story....welllll ok that's the thing. 

Set in 1920s New York, Tobey Maguire played Nick Carraway poor cousin of Daisy Buchanan (Carey Mulligan) whom was married to the wealthy Tom Buchanan (Joel Edgerton). Nick lived in a cottage next door to the insanely wealthy Jay Gatsby (Leonardo DiCaprio) who was so in love with Daisy, whom he met 5 years earlier, he bought the house directly across the water from hers. The story is told in a reflective point of view from Nick.
 
I loved the love story and chemistry between actors Carey Mulligan and Leonardo DiCaprio. Joel Edgerton's character had ZERO redeeming qualities. But then at the end the love story fizzled without a proper explanation. I was positively disappointed. I was also confused on the placement of Tobey Maguire's character and how he evolved.

I do DEFINITELY do not recommend 3D, but I would see this on a bargain matinee. Not worth the full price of admission because of the two major plot holes. Definitely worth seeing on the big screen though. The cinematography is amazeballs USA.
 
David
http://www.facebook.com/whoiambook

Iron Man 3

Robert Downey Jr aka RDJ is back as "Tony Stark" aka "Iron Man."

After the events in "The Avengers" Tony Stark moves back to his LA home with Pepper. They DEEPLY affect him as he starts having panic attacks and change his personality completely as he's now (dare I say) a homebody who loves being romantically committed to just Pepper. In this incarnation he helps take down the villainous "Mandarin" whom is basically terrorizing America ala Osama Bin Laden. There is a huge, original twist in this I won't tell you about but I absolutely loved this film.

At first I was upset that Tony Stark wasn't as snarky as he was in "The Avengers." I was ticked off to be honest. After the movie I thought about it. DUH of course that would affect his snark. 

After I got over this I loved this movie more than "The Avengers." Why? Because everyone did something. Everyone in this movie had an important role and it was amazing! The script was TIGHT! Shane Black did an amazing job writing/directing this one.

If you want a summer blockbuster the size of "The Avengers" this is it folks. Fans of the first two Iron Man films would love this one.

David
http://www.facebook.com/whoiambook 

Scary Movie 5

This movie reminded me of that scene from "America's Next Top Model" where Tyra yells to the girl "What you think this is funny? You don't think we were all rooting for you? WE WERE ALL ROOTING FOR YOU! HOW DARE YOU!"

Well that's what I say to the producers. This was NOT funny at all. There was a few laughs and when I mean a few I mean A FEW! The only saving grace was Simon Rex (who's sat at number 6 in my Crush Binder for years). The premise is boring (not even sure what it even was). The acting is uninspired. And the laughs are far and few between. 

Do not waste your money even through RedBox. Wait for cable. 

21 & Over

 

Starring Skylar Astin (aka younger Dane Cook) and Miles Teller (from "Rabbit Hole") this is your standard kids reuniting to hang out for Spring Break, end up getting wasted while helping a friend, and coming of age at the end.

The logline is pretty standard. I must say I was impressed by it's heart and laughed ALOT! There were so many "they aren't gonna...oh my God they did that" moments. I loved it. My favorite was the guy-guy kiss. Not because of the obvious, but I love a movie that makes fun of the genre AND itself. These guys clearly are str8 so why they had to kiss and the scene was hilarious! Even me being gay was uncomfortable/laughing at it.

If you want a good chuckle check out this movie.