This film is amazing...Keep reading!
Friends
the one where I explain why I have no feelings at all for my half-brother
So all my life I’ve never really talked publicly about my half-brother or given a complete full story. Mostly because I didn’t think ppl would believe me, but also because it’s embarrassing.
Anyone related to abusive or toxic ppl know this. It’s almost like I feel shame for being related. Well that ends today…keep reading.
It started as a kid. I was always the cute one everywhere we went, but he wasn’t. In church, I remember people would call me a cutie but said nothing to him. I think that’s when he started resenting me. As a kid, I couldn’t understand why he was mean to me cuz I loved him. But he kept on. He would hit me then lie and say he never did. One time he slammed me on the ground, and I had a seizure. My mother comforted HIM while I was trying to recover from my seizure. That’s when I realized he was the favorite.
All growing up he never helped me, protected me, or stuck up for me. If ppl picked on me, he’d join in. In fact I found out when, HE outed me to his friends in the presence of ppl in my school. I was very flamboyant, but for them to hear my own sibling make fun of me. Ppl in school told me I was shocked. I told my mother, and she literally did not care. I was teased and contemplated suicide but still she didn’t care.
Then at 15, I had enough of his abuse and told him if he touched me again I’d slit his throat in his sleep. He cried and told my mother. She punished me. She’s always been his gatekeeper.
Fast forward to Saturday February 5, 2022. He’s never apologized for the past, still never defended me to anyone, never tried to even make up for it. I even learned when I wasn’t living at my mother’s house, he picked my bedroom lock where ALL my stuff was, stole some stuff, and used my bedroom as his second closet putting his clothing on my bed. I bought a Halloween costume in 2002 that he decided to wear in 2017 without my permission.
I was insulted. He never apologized. When I moved back to my mother’s during the pandemic after transitioning, he deadnamed me and misgendered me on purpose. My mother never corrected him. She actually joined in util I finally told her that “David is dead.”
This past Saturday after my mother threw out my mail a few days prior, I saw she opened mail addressed to me. I let her know not to, and my half brother jumped in. Thankfully my friend was on the phone w me at the time to hear it. I got off the phone with him to record this:
What this fool doesn’t realize is he threatened a legal LGBTQ+ woman. That means he committed a hate crime and threatened a woman. Two very serious charges. I forwarded it to our local police department. Whatever happens next is up to karma. When I told my mother she did not even care.
As a kid, my mother would tell me if anyone ever bullied me to speak up. When my half brother was my bully she ignored me and even tried gaslighting me to thinking I was the cause. Videotaping him finally proved to everyone that I wasn’t the dramatic liar they tried painting me out to be.
Now here’s the thing: threatening him at 15 was a child telling a 21 year old to stop abusing me. Jumping into a conversation at 51 when you’re not asked to, jumbling the facts, then threatening someone ain’t the same. Both are wrong; I’m not trying to normalize my trauma over his. But you’d think he’d learned throughout the years. I have. I don’t threaten ppl’s lives.I was talking to my cousin about this. Both my mother and half-brother have trauma they haven’t dealt with. At 4 my mother was there when her dad died after he was shot; she is also the youngest of 11 and spoiled all her life. Some said she was a spoiled brat even. It’s been hinted at that she didn’t want me originally 🤷🏾♀️ I would’ve been better off.My half-brother for the first six years of his life my half brother was shuffled from living with my grandmother to my aunts and snatched from both after I was born. He’s got abandonment issues and secretly hates my mother for it but because he depends on her to literally survive takes his hate on me. And why not? I’m the one my mother chose to raise along w him. When given solutions to make his life better, he ignores it. Stayed back in high school 4 times, never got his high school GED even, works deadens jobs with no benefits or retirement plan or even unemployment. Offered him a chance to help but rescinded my offer.
There’s this old saying of baby raising babies; my mother had my brother at 16, didn’t know how to be a mother, then at 22 felt she had to. But instead of my mother creating a house of love and acceptance, she loved pitting my half brother and I against each other. Even recently telling me stuff about him. I actually defended him before Saturday. She still is a spoiled brat too. Demands respect but doesn’t give it. Makes big demands but doesn’t offer help in return. She’s the 2nd most selfish person next to him. He will throw her or anyone under the bus. He loves no one, is loyal to no one, and is not genuinely nice to anyone. After I came out as trans, I asked her if she ever wanted a daughter. She said no that she always wanted two boys. I believe it’s cuz she thinks in her selfish mind that boys will take care of her when she’s old and gray. Trust me I get them. “Hurt ppl hurt ppl.” We need to normalize hurt ppl seeking help so they end the cycle of abuse.
At this point, I don’t want or need an apology from either of them. It won’t be sincere. They don’t know how to love or show love. What I need is to be left da fcuk alone. Until I move out don’t bother me. I will not take back my message to the police department. Nor will I ever downplay what he’s done.
As a 52 year old, unemployed, uneducated man he lies about everything still, comes into my room when I’m not there and steals my stuff, eats my food, lets the air out of my tires (I’ve never had flat tires ever till I moved back w my mother and him), turns on the hot water in the kitchen when I’m taking a shower. And what’s strange is he thinks he’s better than ppl! He uses racial stereotypes towards Asians, Hispanics, and even calls women whores & sluts. And he’s the biggest Uncle Tom (for those that don’t know what that is; it’s a Black man who hates other Black ppl; Aunt Jemima is the woman version). If this was Antebellum, he’d be a field slave telling Master when other field slaves were escaping.
What’s so funny about him is that he is a stereotypical Black man himself. No real job, living off of his mother, even his entire physical makeup is a stereotype. So why then judge others? Why shame others? I know that I'm a better person than him because I don’t do half the crap he does. And my mother is exactly like him. She was trash talking the color of some woman’s hair on TV to me. I was horrified. She doesn’t know this person, but she ain’t got a lick of hair. They both need to be humbled. I’m so glad I’m not like them. Damn. And it’s funny hearing them complain that bad stuff happens to them, but they don’t know why. Ummm how about take stock in how awful you are! When you put good stuff out into the universe, good stuff happens back. Same thing happens for bad stuff.
I’m writing this now for cathartic purposes. But also to show people you aren’t alone. I’ve also learned a lesson I’d like to pass on. You cannot choose your blood relatives, but you can choose your family. Family is the collection of people that love you, support you, and stand for you unconditionally. You can always rely on family. Some blood relatives CAN be family, but it’s not necessary. If blood relatives don’t treat you how you deserve to be treated, then let them go. I have 👍🏾
Another reason I’m posting is to stop gatekeeping abusive ppl. I understand it may be upsetting to find out someone you admire even love is abusive, but what if that person(s) was abusing your child or sibling? Normalize walking away after they are called out or exposed. What if your support could literally save a life?
the one about my absence
So first I would like to apologize...I have been absent for almost a year. But when I say alot has happened, I am not even joking.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)