So recently I was talking to a long-time friend who discovered I had given him limited view on FB. This was someone I was friends with for 13 years. He asked me why I did it (in a not so positive but joking way). I was honest with him and told him how he leaves not so positive comments on my wall and people like my aunt email me asking me "Who is this person?" (One time he said "What's up my nigga?" and my aunt took major offense; I did too since I've always been vocal that I don't like ANY variation of the n word)
It got to the point where not only my aunt but others would email me. "That guy is so bitchy to you. I check your wall and he's never leaves any NICE comments." "OH he's just kidding, but I did notice that too." "Well it's getting old to keep reading. You're my friend and I just get so uncomfortable reading it." "Well I've said to him 'You never leave any nice comments.' And I posted that I will delete comments on my wall that aren't positive. I even put up a note about the difference between an email and a comment." After awhile it got worse to the point where I literally had to limit his access. I didn't unfriend him because I knew he'd FREAK!
When I told him the reason I limited his access his response was..."I'd respond to your response was as pathetic as your life. I see why everyone talks about you. truly sad. Sigh you will never grow up and stop living in la la land. Wow. So sad." I was shocked! Oddly enough not at his words. You see when he and I first met in my 20s this is how he'd react to any and every argument or disagree we'd have. He'd say things that were so hurtful and rude just to be hurtful and rude. Every argument or disagreement was a friendship ending event. So I was shocked after 13 years he hadn't changed, but I had. Me today would not/cannot allow someone especially someone I've known for 13 years to talk to me like this. So I responded with the truth again "I'm not in my 20s not everything has to be a major fight where you say stuff you cannot take back. I have friends that I talk to on FB and it's cool. I have friends that I just can't talk with on FB. Just the way it is. I don't dislike them any less." And for the person who did not want to respond a few hours later he did. "Seek help David. Serious help. There is a reason many of your long time friends want nothing to do with you. don't be mad or hurt about it. self reflect and realize what in you is causing all this. Not everything operates by the book of David. And having had a chance to reflect on this, you should be ashamed, not I. And downplay what you want, but those who know you, know all to well this constant struggle we face when dealing with you." My immediate response was laughter. Not at him but his words. Because he is on limited view he had no idea all summer I've had conversations with my two friends Kelly and Brandon about life and the meaning of and how every time I'd talk to them I kept finding out more about more about myself and them. PLUS this summer I was hanging out with most of my long-term friends a few from high school even. He's referring to one person I was friends with named Charlie whom I no longer talk to. In fact this summer has been about reconnecting with ALOT of people I lost touch with because I was so depressed (not because I'm hard to deal with). If anyone has a right to say I'm hard to deal with it'd be my friend Jamie whom I've known since I was 11 years old; and it's funny she yelled at me this summer because I told her how I pushed away this guy I wasn't interested in. She let me have it and it was tough to hear, but it didn't END our friendship. I listened to her and even though I don't agree with everything she said I can see her points. My friend Alice wouldn't let me get away with anything either. She's taken me to the mat a few times about things and guess what it doesn't change our friendship since January 2007. I was laughing at the fact that someone not only is wrong, but more than likely projecting his own issues on me.
I decided to not respond but to just walk away. He blocked me on FB, but I probably would've blocked him anyways. Not because "Oh you said mean things I hate you" but I just don't want any contact with someone like that. He hasn't changed; I've changed, so the situation needs to change. Yesteryear I may have forgiven something like this and months from now contacted him. Today I need to walk away from a 13 year friendship that by all accounts was not strong enough to sustain the evolution of time. He's right self-reflection is good; it's how I've decided to walk away. None of my other friends would ever talk this way to me.
As I said to him I don't hate him, I do wish him well. But I've moved on and need to hope he does too. My one wish is I hope he does more reflecting on this. Maybe he has a Jamie or Alice in his life that will be honest with him and tell him "Hey how you talk to people sometimes isn't right. It doesn't have to be so vicious." In a parallel situation my ex Steve is going through a breakup. He and I are friends and he was telling me how his ex lashed out at him publicly and even physically attacked him. Steve was saying to me "The way he talked to me and how vicious it was. It's something I cannot forgive." And I told him any form of abuse is unacceptable. This came days prior to my incident. I told Steve he deserves better than to be abused. And so do I.
As I reflect on saying goodbye to my friendship I begin to realize it really hasn't been a friendship at all for many years. So I say goodbye to what was a friendship. Sad things couldn't have been worked out, but in the words of Merrit Weaver accepting her Emmy this year "Um I gotta go. Bye."