So a few months ago I was on twitter and a soap star (I won't name) was commenting on another actor he said "(actor's name) looked great in the episode. No homo." LOL You know I saw red. That phrase has so much bad energy for me. Guess what I did?...
I replied to the tweet "Hey in 2013 with all we have going on in the gay world you don't need to CLARIFY you're str8. we get it" I paraphrased for the 140 characters. No response. I figured "He got read because he's a homophobe." He was taken OUT of my crush binder and I was done with him. What sucked was he is on one of my favorite soaps so I had to see him every day, BUT I said to myself "Self, HE is not HIS CHARACTER! on the show" In a bit of irony I really really liked his character on the show.
Months pass and I'm still fuming. Today I'm on twitter talking about my soap and his character name comes up. I in a moment of cattiness say how I can't stand the actor cuz he's a homophobe but I didn't divulge why. THAT'S when I knew I messed up. One of the persons in the chat tried to convince me otherwise and to not think ill of him while OTHERS wanted the full story deets. Knowing I messed up I admitted "I messed up; I shouldn't have said what I said and I will not go into details." I resigned to move on. HOURS go by and I get a tweet from the actor telling me not to spread rumors about him. I stood my ground and said "What you said was offensive and I'm not spreading rumors." He did something that SHOCKED THE CRAP OUTTA ME. He asked if we could Direct Message.
Inside of our direct messages he stood his ground that he was not a homophobe and I took his words outta context and was attacking his character (character of person) NOT his character on the show. I stood my ground that what he said could be perceived as homophobic not just by me but by others. YES I'm speaking for me, but others could draw the same conclusion. Then I told him a story about how my friend said someone was "mulatto" I informed my friend. "You cannot say that. It's offensive." My friend said "It is? Oh I didn't know. Well what do I say about someone who's half one race and half another." I said "Mixed race." He said "OH I didn't know. God I don't want ppl to think I'm racist." I said "Well I know things constantly change, but now you know. I know you aren't racist, but I can see your point." And I think that's EXACTLY what happened here. He said something that he had NO IDEA was offensive.
I'm not an overly sensitive person. In fact I am one of the most INAPPROPRIATE, non-PC people you've ever met. My threshold for offensive is high, but when it's reached we need to talk, boo boo. And you know what? The actor and I talked for about 30 minutes. Again I will NOT divulge his name, the DMs, or anything like that; that's not the point of this blog. The point is in the end he saw my side, and you know I saw his. And him coming to me the way he did really did make me have MUCH more respect for him. Not gonna lie at first I flat out said "Well this is what happened. I dunno why you're DMing me" LOL Diva D came out a lil, but I honestly didn't think he'd get where I was coming from. I think the story of my friend showed us BOTH where the other was really coming from.
I also told him "Listen I didn't say what I said to get a reaction. I was a brat for a split second and I regret that, but I appreciate you coming to me." Again I feel like he's gone up a couple rungs in my book; I mean in this day in age I was prepared for him to try battling me via tweets, but that's not what he did. Now that's how the Ron Carlivati/John Stamos twitter war SHOULDA been handled. Two parties saw something differently, came together privately, and settled things.
The reason I am blogging this (with the actor's permission) is because I want others to take our approach. Maybe not take as long as we did, but going to someone with your "grievances" is much better than letting things linger. Another person in my shoes COULDA moved from bratty/catty to bitchy/witchy and blown ish up. Thankfully I didn't do that. But the end result is he's back in my crush binder...good thing too cuz he is FINE AS HELL! (fans self) He's one of those guys that is so beautiful a STRAIGHT guy would say "Yeah he's an attractive dude." But I actually am glad cuz it takes ENERGY to dislike someone. Generally speaking I give everyone a chance until they prove me wrong. So for me NOT to have this person in my crush binder and not to tweet positivity like I usually do, but to just shut it all off took effort on my part. It's much easier to smile than to frown, folks.
I want to thank that actor publicly for taking the time to contact me (I thanked him a couple times privately). I appreciate it, and I apologize for opening my catty/bratty mouth but also I shoulda reached out to you first. Thank you for forgiving my moment, but also for being receptive enough to hear my side of things. :)