the one about about family

So this is a picture of my mom's parents Samuel and Ida O'Quinn. They had 11 children together, and he had 1 from a prior marriage. My mother is the youngest. And like most of America I have a complicated family filled with lies, betrayal, and abuse. For many years I focused on that. All the anger and hurt my family caused me.

Then oddly enough my cousin Bea friend requested me on Facebook. Then another cousin Phalba. Slowly it was like all these people in my family that I have no anger towards and that I love reentered my life. It was like that line Julia Roberts said in Pretty Woman "The bad stuff is easier to believe." I believed I had a horrible family when I don't. I have a great family; there are just a few bad apples in the bunch.

Unfortunately my anger towards these few made me shut them all out. I missed moments like my cousin Bea having her baby. My cousin Tony (her brother) and his kids. Weddings. Births. Weddings. Graduations. Family parties. And how do I get that back? I can't. It's gone forever. But here's the truly bizarre thing: these people think the world of me.

One day I was having SUCH a bad day at my old job. Just not having a good time. Lost my direction in life. Wanted to quit. And I went online and was reading a status about my cousin Bea upset over the loss of her beloved cat. Of course I immediately reached out to her, and it was like we were talking back and forth right next to each other. Of course talking online cannot replace being in person, but for that moment it did.

I talk to my mom daily and told her that. She was so sad being a cat lover herself. And then I realized something profound. Ok so you see someone walking down the street and think to yourself "He looks like such a mess." Or you have that hated enemy. But here's the reality check they have family that love them. There is a group of people in their lives that think the world of them. No matter WHAT you or I think about this person has parents that light up when they are in the room. Grandparents whom beg to get even five minutes of their time. And kid cousins that jump up and down pulling on their arm to get their attention. I'm sure whatever they did to make you despise them is still valid, but just something that crossed my mind.

A-List: New York

I completely have to eat my words I love The A-List: New York. I know it's wrong, but I can't stop. It's Melrose Place for gays. There's a ton of drama, but that's indicative of gay life. The part I'm shocked about is Reichen Lehmkuhl. 

I completely pegged him as a celebwhore. Jumping from celebrity relationship to celebrity relationship. I was watching the first episode and he said "Rodiney, I just can't be the breadwinner I want you to contribute." That's when I was like OK he's not into just money. I have been surprised at how much I like his "character." Tonight he and Rodiney did this thing where form a human ball and roll over each other. Reichen was laughing so hard. But not fake laugh more like a high pitch unexpected laugh that you have when it's you and your friends ONLY. It's weird but that laugh was almost like watching them have sex. It was a private real moment, and I was just shocked in a good way to witness it. 


You know Austin is a hot damn mess. He starts drama and crashes parties, but GOOD GOD is he hot. They keep saying how fat he is. He isn't fat though. Maybe he's fat by a model's standard, but he's not fat by the average man. I have a feeling he's NOT like how he's portraying himself. Odd part I friend requested everyone on the show via Facebook, and he's the only one to decline my friend request...BASTARDO LOL


Oh well. I have a hot straight boyfriend so :-P

Dancing with the Stars!

I have the most brilliant idea. Me and Perez Hilton do dancing with the stars as partners...when I get more famous. OMG how awesome would that be?

Ps. Brandy showed WAY too much underwear tonight. I mean I know Max is hot but GURL! Oh wait don't tell my Chris I like Maksim Chmerkovskiy. Look at this man:

Chris or Maksim? Chris or Maksim? UGH! I dunno who to choose. And yes he looks horrible in the last pic but I don't even care. I'll ta....UGH Don't tell Chris.

the one about Soap Operas - Dumbing down of women

I'm not a feminist. I swear. I don't even know how to be one. But there seems to be an increasingly huge turn that women are portrayed as dumb. I watch two soaps right now. "The Young & The Restless" and "One Life to Live." 

On Y&R Sharon was married to Adam. Turns out Adam stole her baby and gave it to Ashley because he scared Ashley into falling down the stairs and miscarrying her own. She hated Adam for what he did for all of...thirty seconds. Ever since divorcing him she spends more time with him saying how she hates him. HELLO! (I know confusing plot aside). Then Sharon's mother-in-law Nikki realistically forgives Deacon who's a recovering alcoholic like her (backstory he nearly ruined her daughter's marriage). They bonded over AA meetings then of course Deacon fell for Nikki. Then Deacon plotted to get Nikki drunk and have her husband find them in bed together. Nikki was shipped to rehab where SHOCKER Deacon was. Instead of telling him to go away she invites him into her room and they talk like old buddies. She has no clue he's been working with someone to break her and her husband up but common sense. HELLO!

"One Life to Live" is even worse. This teen mom (NO NOT JAMIE LYNN SPEARS) named Starr was kidnapped by this guy Eli. Eli also kidnaps Starr's half sister Dani. Between the two of them they can't take this one guy WHO'S BEEN SHOT IN THE ARM? One scene Starr finally runs from Eli. Eli goes inside still with gimp arm and manages to tie Dani in knots AND gag her. WTF? This is not entertainment. THEN Dani is about to escape and finds her supposedly dead mom tied up. Together they are about to leave when Eli shows up and AGAIN he ties TWO women up having lost blood and still shot in the untreated arm. Now I know its fiction but come on! What really burned my bread was when Starr gets kidnapped by another WOMAN who wants her dead so she can have Starr's boyfriend. Hannah holds Starr captive with her daughter Hope in an attic and then holds her at gunpoint. At no point did adrenaline rush through Starr and she lunge at Hannah for threatening the life of her baby...oh yes Hannah pointed a gun at Hope. After James Ford (who is the dumbest guy in the history of soaps) is BURIED ALIVE by Starr while Hannah points a gun at her, struggles with Hannah, Starr finally hits Hannah with a shovel in the back of the head...this was weeks of missed opportunities to get away and get the upper hand.

My anger stems from how women are portrayed. I understand not everyone will fight. But at the point that a woman's child is threatened all reason goes out the window. That crosses a line and it was in poor taste of the soap...which is being executive produced and headwritten by two men. GUYS COME ON! STOP!

Le sigh. Ok I'm done ranting...for now ;)

90210 - The Gay Guy

Trevor Donovan plays Teddy the newest teen gay on 90210. OH EM GEE! I love him! But so far he's struggling with being gay like any other teen boy...by punching his one night stand in the stomach and getting detention. DUH! I mean I remember the first time I got punched in the gut. I knew it was love. WTF?! 

Ok writers I understand you are straight. You have no idea what it's like to be gay. But seriously punching your lover in the gut isn't the way most guys handle coming out. Fix this story pronto. It's sending the wrong damn message. Don't get me started on the latinos whom are buy purses full of coke! OY!!!!

the one about the Star Wackers

I am not trying to be mean, but I'm PISSED!!!!! Randy Quaid! He was the funniest part of "Independence Day" forget Will Smith. Remember him as Heath Ledger's boss in "Brokeback Mountain?" Most famous role "Hey Clark, your shitter's full!" Cousin Eddie from "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation" anyone? He's basically cult legend material. So why is he making up this Star Wackers plot?

If you haven't heard Randy Quaid and his wife of 11 yrs Evi have been leaving a trail of unpaid for hotel rooms because they are scared of the Star Wackers. Star Wackers they say are Producers/Writers that have killed such people as Heath Ledger, Chris Penn, and David Carradine. And Lindsay Lohan is next.

Why am I pissed? Because these two believe this to the point they are ruining Randy's career.  Anyone who knows me knows I want nothing more than to be an A-List celeb and have an amazing career, marry either  Chris Nogiec and live in Hollywood. So how does Randy have it all and giving it away? He's on drugs. That's the only explanation. 

It reminds me of people like Julia Roberts. She was pulling in $25m per pic before she became a mom and left Hollywood for 5 years. My question is didn't these people have a plan? Like I plan on working for about 5 years full-time three or four movies a year, but then cutting back to two once Chris and I get married and start adopting kids (boy and a girl). Can't have the nanny raise our kids since Chris is a huge male model.

I personally don't think the Star Wackers are Hollywood Producers/Writers. I think it's the actors themselves. Moral of the story: always have a plan folks.

Conviction

The best movie of 2010. Set in Ayer MA int he 80's the premise is a woman puts herself through law school to defend her brother whom she feels is wrongfully accused at the cost of her own family. This woman has no formal education and is a housewife. 

If you haven't seen it see it. Think girl version of Good Will Hunting meets Mystic River. I even thought Clint Eastwood directed this. 

My 2011 Academy Award predictions:

Best Director - Tony Goldwyn

Best Actress in a Leading Role - Hilary Swank 

Best Actor in a Leading Role - Sam Rockwell

Best Actor in a Supporting Role - Peter Gallagher

Best Actress in Supporting Role - Minnie Driver and Juliette Lewis

Best Original Screenplay - Andrew Sugerman

Why? Because like Hilary's other Oscar winning movies it's about a down on your luck person who does EVERYTHING she can for someone she loves...her brother...her big brother. Who wouldn't want that role and Hilary did a bang up job! I think they are all shoe-ins but the big one will be between Minnie and Juliette. Why? Minnie is basically Karen Walker from Will & Grace with less booze. She tells Hilary's character the truth even when she doesn't wanna hear it. And Juliette goes BEYOND anything she's ever done before. Her role is a standout. Hmm think white trash times a hundred and fifty...but make no mistake she is NOT stupid. 

Again go see it if you haven't. You will not regret it.

the one about my new neighbors

So there are 4 apartments in my building. I'm at my own favorite number 3. Across from me is a grad student. This girl is a hermit. Goes back and forth to her apartment. Then there's the apartment 2. If I was my landlord I would NEVER sell that apartment. When I moved here in 2008 there was a guy named Frank that lived there. He was so weird. Had a cat and drilled peep holes into his front and back door. UM Frank. Theres NO WAY anyone outside can even come into the building without a key. No idea why he did that. Since he moved two couples moved in. Each one broke up and moved out. Couple number three is a doozy. So I'm friendly right? I struck up a conversation with a guy on the T named Chris. Yes Chris is tall and dumb looking so clearly I was attracted but he was also CLEARLY straight. I simply chatted about mundane things whenever I saw him. Then one day I was walking down the street to CVS and Chris was standing with his girlfriend and gave me the death stare. Even mumbled something under his breath. I was like WTF?! Well GUESS who's my new neighbor in apartment 2? LOL No I don't hope they break up, but suddenly he's buddy buddy again. "Oh hey. How's it going?" I mostly roll my eyes and do something I have NEVER been able to do before...I act fake. The eye roll is a reflex. The fakeness is to mask my inner resentment towards him for being a toolbag. Which brings me to apartment 1. Prior to the new tenants this weekend was a woman named Sheila. Occasionally her TV or music was loud but she was a decent neighbor. The guy after her Kenny was a MESS! He was 33 going on 13. It was like this was his first apartment. He would blare Bon Jovi so loud I had to go downstairs to knock on his door to which he'd ignore. UGH! Now it's these new people. Ok I understand you make alot of noise moving. THESE PEOPLE HAVE BEEN MOVING FOR THREE DAYS! It's a three room apartment. How much ish are they moving in? Banging on walls. Moving furniture. Did they clean out Ikea? For goodness sake! And it's ALL DAY! It was so bad I got 6 hours sleep in three days AND I had to take today off as a sick day so I could sleep late and nap all day.

What sucks I miss work. I love love love my job! It's such a good fit for me. And the people are amazing. No they aren't perfect, but they make me laugh and there is such a good synergy between all of us.

the one where I catch-up

So since my vacation alot has happened. I am actually going on dates with Ben now. He's changed so much but not 180. The things that annoyed me before are gone. It's almost like he took notes and worked on it. I know it sounds like I'm this perfect person and he was a royal eff up. He wasn't a royal eff-up but I have worked VERY hard to be the type of person that I was during when we were dating and I cannot say I was at fault for anything. I'm not trying to place blame either, but if I had a concern I would voice it. If I had an annoyance I'd let him know in a tactful way. Now I really can't say I have anything to complain about. He's alot more calm. Alot more thoughtful as far as thinking before reacting. And he has always been but I guess I didn't notice, he REALLY is considerate.

The one thing I went wrong I think was I didn't truly know whom he was prior to us dating the first time. We didn't go on dates. Get to really know the ins and outs of each other. And focus on what we want and don't want in a relationship prior to dating. One day I decided we should date and we did. We had to figure all that stuff out while we were dating. Sometimes that works for people. Didn't work for us. I think we've been going on dates since April and it's been great. No pressure. Not exclusive yet. He really came through though last Thursday I have to admit. I was so impressed. I needed help and he was there. That has really put him over. And I get constant correspondence from him on a daily basis. I can honestly say aside from my family and friends the feeling of having someone want me is so...cool. Not just want me for sex or to say they have someone. But truly genuinely want me. I look at him totally different now than I did the first time around.

So that's going on. And I am proactively looking to change my work situation. It's not horrible at work it's just not me anymore. I have a couple avenues that I won't talk about yet for fear I'll jinx it, but I am definitely putting my nose to the grindstone. Very excited for some of the prospects. Again we shall see.

Lastly I am ever so slowly digging myself out of financial ruin LOL This will be HUGE because I can now enjoy life a lil. FINALLY! Get back to fun me :)

the one about Avatar

So lately I've become obsessed with Avatar. It's just such a good movie...but let's be clear I'm not obsessed with Pandora. I am an adult that knows the difference between real-life and make-believe. But my Pandora is much more simple.

I spent a week long vacation at home relaxing. OH EM GEE amazing. I do NOT wanna go back to work. I slept an extra half-hour from depression going back. I've never in my life been like this. I've had week long vacations for my birthday since 2001 and this has been awful. EVERY SINGLE DAY I did something so awesome that I was happy about doing. Now I gotta go back and I'm full of dread.

Either that tells me I need to marry rich and be a stay-at-home husband OR get a new job LOL Either way I'm not happy about going back to work.