So I have never talked about this before, but I want to discuss how and why I became celibate. Keep reading...
I began dating a guy June 25, 2011. He actually helped me move from Jamaica Plains, MA to Springfield, MA as I couldn't take my then roommate situation. Earlier that year in May 2011 I moved from the place I loved in Quincy, MA to Jamaica Plains, but the roommate situation was volatile. He threatened to burn my room for whatever reason. I moved that weekend.
Then on August 7th I released my book. I was excited, but my then boyfriend said "you really don't think you're going anywhere with that book do you? I mean it's not gonna do anything for you?" I was hurt because the one person closest to me at the time did not support me.
I waited till the day after his birthday on August 21, 2011 to break up with him.
For months I went back and forth about my own internal transsexuality. I tried getting him back and tried going on dates. I thought "he was my last shot at being in a relationship." I contemplated getting back with my previous two exes. I really was at a low in my social life.
Then in May of 2012 I decided to stop all that nonsense. I made the decision that I would never have sex outside of a committed relationship. I was going to wait until I was a) fully me b) fully in love before I ever had sex again. Tying into my last boyfriend I felt like guys got what they wanted out of me sexually, but I never was stimulated mentally or felt secure in a relationship. I was always the person who "gave in" when it came to sex on the first or second date, but I never got the emotional commitment I ever wanted. And I asked myself "Why do you do that?" And I answered back "Because I wanted them to like me." Then something inside me changed. "Nah bitch, fuck that! Like yourself first. If you have sex with this guy you've been on two dates with you STILL sleep alone. He ain't coming to your bed for a cuddle and sleep over." And so began me taking control of my body.
It's August 6, 2019 and I am STILL sex-free, patiently waiting for my next monogamous relationship. And for me I NEED THE LABEL! I've waited my whole life to be someone's girlfriend, so the next guy I date we need to make it official...not just Facebook and Instagram official...before I have sex. I will not feel guilty saying no beforehand, and I am going to do what I want and need for me. If he doesn't like it, lemme hold that door open for ya.