So if you know me you know I like to post about my crushes at the moment. Not because they pay me or to get their attention. But because for more than half my life I was told the things I would never have: a boyfriend, a fiance, a husband, a chance at anything resembling normality. Well I post about guys I will prob never meet, but it's fun. Sometimes they notice and respond back. Other times their fans notice and thank me. Either way it's fun like I said.
Cody Deal was someone I stumbled on the summer of 2014. I had just come off being unemployed for 8 months (ties in later), and I was happy to post about him. He started liking my posts and responding back. It was pretty awesome. A friend of mine suggested he had no depth of character. Just a selfiewhore. I defended him. Then I came up with this idea for a movie. I told Cody about it via email, but I'm pretty positive he thought I was trying to pitch him. This began the misunderstanding. Then I made an impulse purchase: I bought his pre-ordered calendar. Now at the time I had a new job, living with my mother, behind on every bill, and just couldn't handle $40 for a calendar. So I decided to cancel my order. Cody emailed me a pretty nasty email (I won't go into detail; this post isn't mean to shame him). I finally let him have it as well. When the dust settled I told myself "my friends are right. He is a jerk and conceited ass."
Fast forward to my bday May 1st. Since moving to Boston, getting a great job (within the same company), getting back on track financially, and making the decision to transition I've let a lot go. I'm almost 100% positive Cody doesn't remember or care about me. But I decided to reach out anyways. He never answered my IG direct message (or even read it). Today is my first day off in awhile so I for some odd reason thought of him. Of course I facestalked his fanpage and saw he posted this amazing tribute to his ex-girlfriends. This is the Cody Deal I've wanted to see. He opened up awhile ago about being homeless on his blog, but since then it's been a series of vapid, one-note posts about how ppl are against him and selfies. This was something different. I was shocked in a good way. I was going to email him, but what's the point? Again he doesn't know or even care to know about me right? I guess the main reason I thought about him is there are few ppl in the "straight" community that offer support and guidance about LGBT issues (Narcissistic or not he gives amazing advice). Cody is a huge supporter of the LGBT community so having his words of wisdom and support would be awesome right now.
I decided to write this post because I needed a cathartic way to express myself. And also it's showed me a lesson. Sometimes when I think I have an impression of people I really don't know them at all. I can't blame this on him or me, but getting to know someone better is never a bad idea. Maybe one day he and I will have a chat and finally settle things. I do miss his posts and how he encourages his fans.
Cody, if you are reading this. I'm sorry for any misunderstanding we had. Hopefully we can move past this and I can go back to supporting and being supported by someone I admire.