the one where I think long and hard about moving

So I have been thinking about my faults. If I am talking to my mother and half-brother about theirs I need to look in the mirror first. One thing of my many I realize is that I run when I get scared/upset/not trying to deal with something.

Fight HUGE blowout with Chris I ran from Boston to Springfield. Now that I have severed ties with my mother and half-brother I wanna run back to Boston. This is not only immature, but would be expensive.

Part of me also wants my life and independence back and everyone has said just move into a place in Springfield. No no no I want Boston. I haven't felt like my life is back to normal in Springfield because I haven't done the things necessary. I haven't gone to the movies on the reg. Out to dinner. Hung out with my friends here. Jetting back to Boston when things aren't perfect here will only prolong my agony from dealing.

The reason I moved back was not just to save money living at home, but to get closer to Jamie and her family after Brett died. To reconnect with the old me. I had just started dating someone in the area too around that time. I have gotten so close to Jamie's family...it's odd I grew up with them and figured I couldn't get any closer but with every death in their family or random dinner hangout I get closer and closer. And it's amazing cuz as kids I was JAMIE'S bestie, but now it's like I spend time with ALL of them. I got SUPER close to Mandee. She's like that though I blame her. Everyone in her life LOVES her to the point where we are obsessed with her hehe that's totes her fault. But Jamie and I have the same view on a lot of things. Ashley and I are tweens together. Each one of them brings out a different side of me. I ACHE that Brett isn't here. It just feels super weird.

The funniest part is there is a house across the street where my neighbor is renting his home. I've known him for 10 years I was thinking "awesome or awkward?" The scene of me leaving them and telling them to never talk to me again only to move across the street is both funny and disturbing...oddly enough I might consider it. It's a 3 bedroom home with 1 bath and garage. As long as I don't have to do manual labor lol But I do want an apt in a building. Part of me misses that alot. I dunno. Now that I'm staying my options are bountiful. I think this is the best decision.