So my roommate is hilarious. Aside from his sayings "Well if the pot fits the kettle." Whenever he relaxes his folds his hands like he's praying even sleep, and my absolute favorite is his fits of rage. Usually by the end he's like "Wow I probably shouldn't have said that huh?" Tonight was my landlord.
My roommate was right though. My landlord tries to eek things by us or force us into last minute meetings. And I do not like when he comes into our apt when we aren't there yet I get an email "hey David and Chris, we need to access your apt." UGH! Call, text. Oh Chris wasn't having it. He got on the phone, yelled at our landlord's voicemail, and threatened to get a lawyer involved. "Um Chris, I think our landlord is gonna raise our rent to include heat/gas and electricity" Chris "Oh you're probably right. Hmm I probably shouldn't have yelled and insinuated I wanted to get a lawyer involved huh?" Me "I mean I don't think that was at the best idea. But I see where you were coming from." HILARIOUS! And I love how he gives me this look like a kid gives when they broke mom and dad's favorite vase. He cracks me up seriously!
the one about bullying
So what really burns my cookies are bullies. Bullies are people that go out of their way to make people uncomfortable and say malicious things.
I was talking to someone about this as this guy who was online just ripped into this kid for no apparent reason. He's CONSTANTLY doing this to people too. I had a side convo and this person after seeing me at CC ONCE for a total of about 16 mins says "What's the difference between you talking about someone at a club and this guy supposedly bullying this kid?" EXCUSE ME? Are you kidding me? I like everyone else in that establishment mock others AS MUCH as I mock myself. I am the first to say "Girl look at my gut I feel like I'm pregnant" as easily as I say "Does that one have a reflective surface at home." Bullying is telling someone they are worthless stupid and you want them to "enjoy their demise." I was offended and insulted anyone much less someone I don't even know to try and lump me in with those jerks to oversimplify a point. What's worse? This person laughed along with everyone else at every joke/jab I told.
Why on earth do I try to branch out from my circle? Chuck, JB, Kelly, Tara, Ken. These people know and love me unconditionally. They get me and my humor. Most importantly they are just like me. Why do I try and befriend anyone else outside of them? Acquaintances is different from befriending. I need to learn this lesson.
I was talking to someone about this as this guy who was online just ripped into this kid for no apparent reason. He's CONSTANTLY doing this to people too. I had a side convo and this person after seeing me at CC ONCE for a total of about 16 mins says "What's the difference between you talking about someone at a club and this guy supposedly bullying this kid?" EXCUSE ME? Are you kidding me? I like everyone else in that establishment mock others AS MUCH as I mock myself. I am the first to say "Girl look at my gut I feel like I'm pregnant" as easily as I say "Does that one have a reflective surface at home." Bullying is telling someone they are worthless stupid and you want them to "enjoy their demise." I was offended and insulted anyone much less someone I don't even know to try and lump me in with those jerks to oversimplify a point. What's worse? This person laughed along with everyone else at every joke/jab I told.
Why on earth do I try to branch out from my circle? Chuck, JB, Kelly, Tara, Ken. These people know and love me unconditionally. They get me and my humor. Most importantly they are just like me. Why do I try and befriend anyone else outside of them? Acquaintances is different from befriending. I need to learn this lesson.
the one where I was differently wrong
So he's back at it. Ben turned batshit crazy again.
I was wavering wondering if we could date again. So I asked him a question. He responded with an answer. The conversation was done...then he went OFF! Like not just off but OOOOOOOOOOFF! I went from being the love of his life on Thursday to a complete loser today for no reason. I dunno what switch went off in that boy's brain but wow. I was having such a good day too. haha
Not sure how I feel. I mean I'm not sad cuz this isn't the first time he's done this I'm just kinda annoyed. Like really? After all this? This is how it's gonna end? Two years of knowing this guy and he ruins it YET again?! Ugh I'm very disappointed. I was starting to actually like him all over again too. Sigh.
The hard part now is admitting I was wrong. To my friends. To my mom. But mostly to myself.
My horoscope today in the Boston Metro: "It isn't likely anything you've done that makes people so unfriendly; its just the mood of the day. Don't compound it by sticking your nose up at the jerks. Live and let live."
Amen sistah! Been talking to my friend Reno. Usually when Ben and I talk again it's cuz I initiate it. Like Kelly said I keep giving him chances cuz I'm a good person and wanna see the good in him. I know there is. I looked in his eyes the other day and they were brown. For the longest time I thought they were black. Well I told him if he apologizes now I could try to forgive him and eventually I would, but if he doesn't then I can't and I wouldn't be contacting him again. And this time I mean it. I will walk away not hating him, but definitely he's used up his last chance with me. Some of the things he texted and said on the phone were beyond...wow! His response? "tell your mom I said hi." Like literally he's insane.
I was wavering wondering if we could date again. So I asked him a question. He responded with an answer. The conversation was done...then he went OFF! Like not just off but OOOOOOOOOOFF! I went from being the love of his life on Thursday to a complete loser today for no reason. I dunno what switch went off in that boy's brain but wow. I was having such a good day too. haha
Not sure how I feel. I mean I'm not sad cuz this isn't the first time he's done this I'm just kinda annoyed. Like really? After all this? This is how it's gonna end? Two years of knowing this guy and he ruins it YET again?! Ugh I'm very disappointed. I was starting to actually like him all over again too. Sigh.
The hard part now is admitting I was wrong. To my friends. To my mom. But mostly to myself.
My horoscope today in the Boston Metro: "It isn't likely anything you've done that makes people so unfriendly; its just the mood of the day. Don't compound it by sticking your nose up at the jerks. Live and let live."
Amen sistah! Been talking to my friend Reno. Usually when Ben and I talk again it's cuz I initiate it. Like Kelly said I keep giving him chances cuz I'm a good person and wanna see the good in him. I know there is. I looked in his eyes the other day and they were brown. For the longest time I thought they were black. Well I told him if he apologizes now I could try to forgive him and eventually I would, but if he doesn't then I can't and I wouldn't be contacting him again. And this time I mean it. I will walk away not hating him, but definitely he's used up his last chance with me. Some of the things he texted and said on the phone were beyond...wow! His response? "tell your mom I said hi." Like literally he's insane.
the one about Thanksgiving weekend
So thanksgiving day was fun. Chuck invited a small group over. I was happy to be around my friends. Kelly, Tara, Ken, JB, and Chuck. I walked right up to Jesse and hugged him.
Let me back up. I slept over Ben's Thanksgiving Eve. Again we had SUCH a good time and honest conversations. It was sooooooo nice to feel like we are both adults now haha it's given me perspective about when people mess up, do a mea culpa. So as far as I'm concerned after Jesse's apolotext he was forgiven. He's one of my best friends boyfriend. And Jesse isn't a bad person.
Then Saturday I helped Chuck move from Somerville to Dorchester. I felt good karma sweep over me doing that. I mean he's one of my besties but I spent all day with him and his dad. Chuck kept thanking me and took me to Olive Garden to officially thank me. NUM NUMS!!!
Before going with Chuck to the OG I went to see "Burlesque" with this guy Chris whom I met on Okcupid (Burlesque rocked see my entertainment blog). Seeing as Ben is my main dating focus I let Chris know we were friends. His declarations that he'd lick the butter off my fingers (we had popcorn) and that he wanted to come to my apt to pick me up wasn't flying with me. In fact it downright grossed me the eff out. Of course I fully intend to be friends with him but nothing sexual will ever happen. Why can't gay men get the concept of friends?
The best part of the weekend was sitting with Chuck at dinner and having my ex Bruce text me he wants to date his ex...a girl. Chuck looked at me after I told him and goes "Geesh David you know how to pick em." I'm reading Chelsea Handler's book Are You There Vodka? It's Me Chelsea and I'm reading laughing because we have so much in common: the weirdest ish happen to both of us and none of our friends can believe it.
So that's my weekend. I'm back to work tomorrow and taking Ben to meet my mom this coming weekend. Can you believe Ben and I have been going on dates on and off for two years January 3, 2011?!?! Chuck summed it up best "What the hell are you waiting for? Just marry him."
Let me back up. I slept over Ben's Thanksgiving Eve. Again we had SUCH a good time and honest conversations. It was sooooooo nice to feel like we are both adults now haha it's given me perspective about when people mess up, do a mea culpa. So as far as I'm concerned after Jesse's apolotext he was forgiven. He's one of my best friends boyfriend. And Jesse isn't a bad person.
Then Saturday I helped Chuck move from Somerville to Dorchester. I felt good karma sweep over me doing that. I mean he's one of my besties but I spent all day with him and his dad. Chuck kept thanking me and took me to Olive Garden to officially thank me. NUM NUMS!!!
Before going with Chuck to the OG I went to see "Burlesque" with this guy Chris whom I met on Okcupid (Burlesque rocked see my entertainment blog). Seeing as Ben is my main dating focus I let Chris know we were friends. His declarations that he'd lick the butter off my fingers (we had popcorn) and that he wanted to come to my apt to pick me up wasn't flying with me. In fact it downright grossed me the eff out. Of course I fully intend to be friends with him but nothing sexual will ever happen. Why can't gay men get the concept of friends?
The best part of the weekend was sitting with Chuck at dinner and having my ex Bruce text me he wants to date his ex...a girl. Chuck looked at me after I told him and goes "Geesh David you know how to pick em." I'm reading Chelsea Handler's book Are You There Vodka? It's Me Chelsea and I'm reading laughing because we have so much in common: the weirdest ish happen to both of us and none of our friends can believe it.
So that's my weekend. I'm back to work tomorrow and taking Ben to meet my mom this coming weekend. Can you believe Ben and I have been going on dates on and off for two years January 3, 2011?!?! Chuck summed it up best "What the hell are you waiting for? Just marry him."
Burlesque
I will be the first to admit when I'm wrong. Just like how I made fun of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" the movie (which is a classic and one of my faves of all time) I was way wrong about this movie. Burlesque is "Chicago" meets "Showgirls" with "The Devil Wears Prada" mixed it. I loved lil Xtina aka blond Snooki's chutzpah in the movie. Cher's character Tess is NOT to be looked at sideways or you WILL get bitch slapped. So when Ally says to Tess "Hey I'm talking to you" the entire audience literally did a "Oh no she didn't" gasp LOL Sorry but LOVED IT!
The worse part of the movie was the increasingly either stoned or giddy gay sitting behind me laughing at the wrong damn parts. Other than that I LOVE LOVE LOVE Burlesque. There I said it. Will either win an award? No. But hey Christina did a better job in her debut film than this other Mouseketeer...she was in a dreadful movie called Crossroads? (That's cuz her life went downhill after that) And it was NOT her "Glitter" as Michael Cantin loudly proclaimed.
the one about getting back on track
So things with Ben went well. He made me dinner then we watched LOSERS which shoulda been named Stinkers. But seriously we didn't miss a beat. I see him now romantically than I did before. I think my apprehension before was I have this ideal perfect guy in my head and he doesn't fit it...but he does. I mean I dunno if he's EXACTLY 100% my ideal perfect guy but then again who is besides FINN from "GLEE?"
I hung out with my str8 bf last night too. That went awesome. It's funny when you have a remembered image of someone and see them again. Alex is someone I clicked with IMMEDIATELY. We have so much in common yet we are different. We walked around Copley/Pru and ate at Legal. He's quite honestly one of the funniest people I've ever met. I was laughing till my face hurt. I thank God I have people like him in my life. No drama. No problems just fun. It was nice also talking to someone not in my circle or biased. I hope we hang out again and more. He's a great part of my life that I love.
That's it for now. Going to watch "The Event!"
I hung out with my str8 bf last night too. That went awesome. It's funny when you have a remembered image of someone and see them again. Alex is someone I clicked with IMMEDIATELY. We have so much in common yet we are different. We walked around Copley/Pru and ate at Legal. He's quite honestly one of the funniest people I've ever met. I was laughing till my face hurt. I thank God I have people like him in my life. No drama. No problems just fun. It was nice also talking to someone not in my circle or biased. I hope we hang out again and more. He's a great part of my life that I love.
That's it for now. Going to watch "The Event!"
the one about last night
So I was suppose to meet Christopher at CC but he never showed (I'm sure there's a perfectly logical explanation so of course I'm not gonna be upset...he was up here with his friends and they went to CC Friday night anyways). The amount of STUFF that happened at CC last night was profound.
First I'm talking with Ben via text and he tells me he and his parents are doing Thanksgiving Sunday instead of Thursday cuz they will be away...and invites me to meet them. I have to say yes of course because it's been close to two years since they've first started hearing about me. Sadly I let my straight boyfriend know cuz he and I were suppose to hang out. Anyways so that's happening today at around 5ish. Me and the str8 bf are hanging out after that though thankfully. I haven't seen him since August I need my friend facetime.
Then GUESS WHO WALKS UP TO ME?! Oh Ed of course. Walks up to me, flicks my hand to say hi. I look at him then back at my phone. "What you are gonna pretend you don't know me?" I instantly flash to him telling me "We should be acquaintances then" after I tell him friends hang out. I look back at him and go "YUP!" And go back to texting. RUDE! Don't be a complete ass to me what three days prior and expect to be all forgiven cuz you are in a place and don't know people and wanna look like you do. HELL NO! You apologize first then we can chat. His momma didn't raise him right.
Next up my friend/love/heart/boo John walks in and it's like the clouds have parted. I haven't seen John in MONTHS! He's one of my besties. He my gay husband. I was farklempt. OH and Caitlin was there too! Ugh I was just so happy to see them both! John stayed with me till the end of the night but Caitlin looked so beautiful of course awwwwwww Also my friend Vlad from Western MA! The best part about Boston is being surrounded by people from back home. Vlad is so much fun. After Ed passed by me and Caitlin left with Steve literally I felt seeing Vlad was how Miss Sofia felt when seeing Celie when she was locked up in jail in "The Color Purple!" He makes me laugh cuz we have this fake bitchery we do. My face was hurting from laughing. Love that boy.
When John arrived things got so much better. Bumped into Greg and Jeff (this guy I'd befriended online but never met). Ok Jeff totally freaked me out. You ever meet people that remind you of other people. He is the exact carbon copy of my current friend Mike. The ONLY difference is Jeff is 27 (Mike is 23). Jeff has a cute butt Mike's is like a half moon bubble hahaha And Jeff has lighter hair. The way they talk, dance, disposition, EVERYTHING is exact. Freaked me out. Even their damn smile. Facewise they look similar but not identical. I kept staring at him hahaha it was crazy! I was so tired I reintroduced him to my friend John hahaha John's like "Honey we met thirty minutes ago." OY!
And it happened again. My adorable friend Andy has a twin too. This time he and the guy look identical. His name is Rob and he's MY friend Rob's friend. At first I looked him and thought oh he's cute. Then I looked past his glasses and go "OH MY GOD you look like my friend Andy." I showed him the pic and he goes "Jesus that kid DOES look like me. I have pix when I was younger that's identical to that." And Rob and I totes clicked. We were both judging and just kept gabbing away like we've known each other for years. He goes "What are your hobbies?" I go "Reading writing--" "What do you write?" "Oh screenplays and stories." "Honey you shoulda led with writing screenplays." I fell in love a lil bit RIGHT there hahaha I need people like that in my life. Make me laugh and similar interests. He too is obsessed with movies so it was nice to talk to someone and feel comfortable.
The main theme of the night though was seeing people online in person. SO CREEPY! It's hilarious to me cuz they are so much nicer in person, but I've already got my first impression made up. I know that's probably an opportunity for me not to judge people based on their persona online. But it really burns my brownies that I'm me online and I have to give leeway to others. Why? Well I gave a lot of stank eyes and cold shoulders. One guy my friend Brian introduced me to "Oh do you know Ryan" I was like "I know her...so anyways." Hahaha Sorry he's a cold block of ice bitch EVERY time I say hi. Donzo. Of course he kept staring at me the whole night smiling. Hell no hooka you had yo chance to impress me.
Ok so I'm off to clean and start my day before dinner with the in-laws hahaha
First I'm talking with Ben via text and he tells me he and his parents are doing Thanksgiving Sunday instead of Thursday cuz they will be away...and invites me to meet them. I have to say yes of course because it's been close to two years since they've first started hearing about me. Sadly I let my straight boyfriend know cuz he and I were suppose to hang out. Anyways so that's happening today at around 5ish. Me and the str8 bf are hanging out after that though thankfully. I haven't seen him since August I need my friend facetime.
Then GUESS WHO WALKS UP TO ME?! Oh Ed of course. Walks up to me, flicks my hand to say hi. I look at him then back at my phone. "What you are gonna pretend you don't know me?" I instantly flash to him telling me "We should be acquaintances then" after I tell him friends hang out. I look back at him and go "YUP!" And go back to texting. RUDE! Don't be a complete ass to me what three days prior and expect to be all forgiven cuz you are in a place and don't know people and wanna look like you do. HELL NO! You apologize first then we can chat. His momma didn't raise him right.
Next up my friend/love/heart/boo John walks in and it's like the clouds have parted. I haven't seen John in MONTHS! He's one of my besties. He my gay husband. I was farklempt. OH and Caitlin was there too! Ugh I was just so happy to see them both! John stayed with me till the end of the night but Caitlin looked so beautiful of course awwwwwww Also my friend Vlad from Western MA! The best part about Boston is being surrounded by people from back home. Vlad is so much fun. After Ed passed by me and Caitlin left with Steve literally I felt seeing Vlad was how Miss Sofia felt when seeing Celie when she was locked up in jail in "The Color Purple!" He makes me laugh cuz we have this fake bitchery we do. My face was hurting from laughing. Love that boy.
When John arrived things got so much better. Bumped into Greg and Jeff (this guy I'd befriended online but never met). Ok Jeff totally freaked me out. You ever meet people that remind you of other people. He is the exact carbon copy of my current friend Mike. The ONLY difference is Jeff is 27 (Mike is 23). Jeff has a cute butt Mike's is like a half moon bubble hahaha And Jeff has lighter hair. The way they talk, dance, disposition, EVERYTHING is exact. Freaked me out. Even their damn smile. Facewise they look similar but not identical. I kept staring at him hahaha it was crazy! I was so tired I reintroduced him to my friend John hahaha John's like "Honey we met thirty minutes ago." OY!
And it happened again. My adorable friend Andy has a twin too. This time he and the guy look identical. His name is Rob and he's MY friend Rob's friend. At first I looked him and thought oh he's cute. Then I looked past his glasses and go "OH MY GOD you look like my friend Andy." I showed him the pic and he goes "Jesus that kid DOES look like me. I have pix when I was younger that's identical to that." And Rob and I totes clicked. We were both judging and just kept gabbing away like we've known each other for years. He goes "What are your hobbies?" I go "Reading writing--" "What do you write?" "Oh screenplays and stories." "Honey you shoulda led with writing screenplays." I fell in love a lil bit RIGHT there hahaha I need people like that in my life. Make me laugh and similar interests. He too is obsessed with movies so it was nice to talk to someone and feel comfortable.
The main theme of the night though was seeing people online in person. SO CREEPY! It's hilarious to me cuz they are so much nicer in person, but I've already got my first impression made up. I know that's probably an opportunity for me not to judge people based on their persona online. But it really burns my brownies that I'm me online and I have to give leeway to others. Why? Well I gave a lot of stank eyes and cold shoulders. One guy my friend Brian introduced me to "Oh do you know Ryan" I was like "I know her...so anyways." Hahaha Sorry he's a cold block of ice bitch EVERY time I say hi. Donzo. Of course he kept staring at me the whole night smiling. Hell no hooka you had yo chance to impress me.
Ok so I'm off to clean and start my day before dinner with the in-laws hahaha
the one about loyalty
So I think it's ingrained in us that we do not trust anyone ESPECIALLY gays. I hate that. I hate that gays don't know how to keep secrets but more importantly don't understand secrets can be kept too.
Recently I had a conversation where one of my friends wasn't present. Now a friend and I whom are mutual friends with this person didn't say anything bad about this person, but he just wasn't present. In fact some of the "other stuff" was private flirtation towards that person. So I'm laughing and told my friend "Hey ___ is funny. I was explaining how I have a crush on person B and he asked me about you." That's where the conversation ended. So what did this person in chat do? "BIG MOUTH! YOU TELLING EVERYTHING!" DRAMA! Why? Everything would be EVERYTHING! He didn't get it. It was pissing me off. I had to just end the conversation or I woulda said stuff that woulda hurt feelings.
But back to my why? Why would people start drama when there isn't any? Because they are not use to people actually NOT being loyal that's why. They are use to people stabbing them in the back and giving away secrets. Just because it's the norm doesn't make it right. And just because others do it, doesn't mean I will.
Everyday I realize more and more I slowly have nothing in common with people I thought I did. And its not even about just secrets...loyalty also has to do with boundaries and not crossing them. I think today no one trusts anyone but themselves and friendships are dispensable. It's pretty rare nowadays for people to be friends with kids they have grown up with me. I met Megan on September 1, 1985 and we're still friends. I have high school and college friends from 1989 and 1994 respectively. Its almost like what I lack in long lasting relationships I make up for in long lasting friendships.
Loyalty my friends.
Recently I had a conversation where one of my friends wasn't present. Now a friend and I whom are mutual friends with this person didn't say anything bad about this person, but he just wasn't present. In fact some of the "other stuff" was private flirtation towards that person. So I'm laughing and told my friend "Hey ___ is funny. I was explaining how I have a crush on person B and he asked me about you." That's where the conversation ended. So what did this person in chat do? "BIG MOUTH! YOU TELLING EVERYTHING!" DRAMA! Why? Everything would be EVERYTHING! He didn't get it. It was pissing me off. I had to just end the conversation or I woulda said stuff that woulda hurt feelings.
But back to my why? Why would people start drama when there isn't any? Because they are not use to people actually NOT being loyal that's why. They are use to people stabbing them in the back and giving away secrets. Just because it's the norm doesn't make it right. And just because others do it, doesn't mean I will.
Everyday I realize more and more I slowly have nothing in common with people I thought I did. And its not even about just secrets...loyalty also has to do with boundaries and not crossing them. I think today no one trusts anyone but themselves and friendships are dispensable. It's pretty rare nowadays for people to be friends with kids they have grown up with me. I met Megan on September 1, 1985 and we're still friends. I have high school and college friends from 1989 and 1994 respectively. Its almost like what I lack in long lasting relationships I make up for in long lasting friendships.
Loyalty my friends.
the one that even I'm at a loss over
So guess who contacted me last night while I was hanging out at Tony's?! BEN! I had sent him an email Thursday before I went on vacation. It was me being serious NOT passive aggressive:
Not looking for a response back. Leaving for vacation today and have an odd week so happy birthday and hope you get better soon.
That's it. Nothing else. No "Talk to you later" I literally wanted to say my piece and that's it. He leaves me a voicemail (I have shoddy service at Tony's condo) that's basically everything I've wanted someone I dated to apologize for, say they missed me and why, and ask to hear back from me. Me the advice giver extraordinaire was stunned.
One motto I have is never forgive someone not asking to be forgiven. And if you can't admit you're wrong I don't trust your advice. So we've been texting back and forth all morning and he is about 95% where he needs to be for me to fully forgive him. He still doesn't comprehend why you can't date your friends' dates. Baby steps I guess.
One thing he did say was "You keep coming back David. Obviously there is something you too feel isn't over between us." Do I? If I'm being honest with myself seeing him with his friend (that wasn't his date at the movies) made me a touch jealous....and there you have it. He just apologized for the Ed debacle of 2010. AND he understands why it's wrong. UGH! So confused.
What's worse is my mom wants to meet him bad...and his mom wants to meet me! I think part of me is freaked out that he knows with 100% certainty I'm the one for him. Yet he never allowed me the chance to discover if he's the one for me. He got weird too quick. I dunno. UGH!!!!!!! Why can't life be easier to figure out?
Not looking for a response back. Leaving for vacation today and have an odd week so happy birthday and hope you get better soon.
That's it. Nothing else. No "Talk to you later" I literally wanted to say my piece and that's it. He leaves me a voicemail (I have shoddy service at Tony's condo) that's basically everything I've wanted someone I dated to apologize for, say they missed me and why, and ask to hear back from me. Me the advice giver extraordinaire was stunned.
One motto I have is never forgive someone not asking to be forgiven. And if you can't admit you're wrong I don't trust your advice. So we've been texting back and forth all morning and he is about 95% where he needs to be for me to fully forgive him. He still doesn't comprehend why you can't date your friends' dates. Baby steps I guess.
One thing he did say was "You keep coming back David. Obviously there is something you too feel isn't over between us." Do I? If I'm being honest with myself seeing him with his friend (that wasn't his date at the movies) made me a touch jealous....and there you have it. He just apologized for the Ed debacle of 2010. AND he understands why it's wrong. UGH! So confused.
What's worse is my mom wants to meet him bad...and his mom wants to meet me! I think part of me is freaked out that he knows with 100% certainty I'm the one for him. Yet he never allowed me the chance to discover if he's the one for me. He got weird too quick. I dunno. UGH!!!!!!! Why can't life be easier to figure out?
the one about remaining friends within a fractured group
I love tackling topics that people are afraid to talk about or it's taboo. Why? Because we are all thinking the same thing and it's just better to get it out and discuss.
One of the most uncomfortable situations for me use to be when I was friends with someone that everyone else USE to adore but now hates. So I had to divide my time between this group and this person. And when the group would talk about this person behind their back I either defended the person or sat uncomfortably. THEN I became an adult. Not agewise (cuz there are still 40 year olds whom are incapable of being adults). I realized some things.
First is most of my friendships are fragmented anyways. I have about two handfuls of people I call best friends. My best friend Brandon lives in Georgia. My best friend Megan lives in Agawam, MA. My best friend Tony lives down the street from me. My other best friend Larry lives in Enfield, CT. Another best friend Devonna lives in Hartford, CT. Another Matt lives in Orlando, FL. Alice lives in New Hampshire. Another JP lives in DC. My friendship with these people and the distance away from me in which they live have no determination on how close of a bond we have. I don't talk to some of them daily but when I do it's like we just talked last night. That bond is still there in spades. So I'm CONSTANTLY separating my time for friends. It's just my uncomfortableness came from me separating my time for my friends whom use to hang out together and now don't. SO! It's life. I decided to get over it.
And I also realized I hang out with people like me. If they can talk behind your back they can say the same damn thing to your face. The group I hang out with is very honest and loving towards each other. We hug say the L word and are just there for each other. The one thing I LOVE is that if we don't talk or hang out in months and suddenly a crisis comes up and we need advice or just venting we call each other and there's no "Well you ditched me for x amount of time...." Anyways I digress.
But yeah for me I think it's important to also remind myself WHY this person is no longer in the group. The WHY is important. I never want to hold someone accountable for something they did with someone else obviously but I want to be mindful "ok my friends didn't like this particular action of this person. I better keep my wits about me and make sure if it happens I bring it up as an area of opportunity for them if I'm gonna continue being friends with them." I'm pretty vocal about my concerns and in turn if someone has something to bring up with me I encourage it. It may not be comfortable to hear when I eff up, but I'd rather know than not.
I guess the morale of the story is think long and hard of the different scenarios that could play out by remaining friends with someone no longer in your "circle." Clearly it can go two ways either your bond with them is totally different or your friends were right. Either way if you feel that its worth it try it. The worse that can happen is your friends were right and you'd have to admit that with your tail between your legs LOL
One of the most uncomfortable situations for me use to be when I was friends with someone that everyone else USE to adore but now hates. So I had to divide my time between this group and this person. And when the group would talk about this person behind their back I either defended the person or sat uncomfortably. THEN I became an adult. Not agewise (cuz there are still 40 year olds whom are incapable of being adults). I realized some things.
First is most of my friendships are fragmented anyways. I have about two handfuls of people I call best friends. My best friend Brandon lives in Georgia. My best friend Megan lives in Agawam, MA. My best friend Tony lives down the street from me. My other best friend Larry lives in Enfield, CT. Another best friend Devonna lives in Hartford, CT. Another Matt lives in Orlando, FL. Alice lives in New Hampshire. Another JP lives in DC. My friendship with these people and the distance away from me in which they live have no determination on how close of a bond we have. I don't talk to some of them daily but when I do it's like we just talked last night. That bond is still there in spades. So I'm CONSTANTLY separating my time for friends. It's just my uncomfortableness came from me separating my time for my friends whom use to hang out together and now don't. SO! It's life. I decided to get over it.
And I also realized I hang out with people like me. If they can talk behind your back they can say the same damn thing to your face. The group I hang out with is very honest and loving towards each other. We hug say the L word and are just there for each other. The one thing I LOVE is that if we don't talk or hang out in months and suddenly a crisis comes up and we need advice or just venting we call each other and there's no "Well you ditched me for x amount of time...." Anyways I digress.
But yeah for me I think it's important to also remind myself WHY this person is no longer in the group. The WHY is important. I never want to hold someone accountable for something they did with someone else obviously but I want to be mindful "ok my friends didn't like this particular action of this person. I better keep my wits about me and make sure if it happens I bring it up as an area of opportunity for them if I'm gonna continue being friends with them." I'm pretty vocal about my concerns and in turn if someone has something to bring up with me I encourage it. It may not be comfortable to hear when I eff up, but I'd rather know than not.
I guess the morale of the story is think long and hard of the different scenarios that could play out by remaining friends with someone no longer in your "circle." Clearly it can go two ways either your bond with them is totally different or your friends were right. Either way if you feel that its worth it try it. The worse that can happen is your friends were right and you'd have to admit that with your tail between your legs LOL
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