the one about remaining friends within a fractured group

I love tackling topics that people are afraid to talk about or it's taboo. Why? Because we are all thinking the same thing and it's just better to get it out and discuss.

One of the most uncomfortable situations for me use to be when I was friends with someone that everyone else USE to adore but now hates. So I had to divide my time between this group and this person. And when the group would talk about this person behind their back I either defended the person or sat uncomfortably. THEN I became an adult. Not agewise (cuz there are still 40 year olds whom are incapable of being adults). I realized some things.

First is most of my friendships are fragmented anyways. I have about two handfuls of people I call best friends. My best friend Brandon lives in Georgia. My best friend Megan lives in Agawam, MA. My best friend Tony lives down the street from me. My other best friend Larry lives in Enfield, CT. Another best friend Devonna lives in Hartford, CT. Another Matt lives in Orlando, FL. Alice lives in New Hampshire. Another JP lives in DC. My friendship with these people and the distance away from me in which they live have no determination on how close of a bond we have. I don't talk to some of them daily but when I do it's like we just talked last night. That bond is still there in spades. So I'm CONSTANTLY separating my time for friends. It's just my uncomfortableness came from me separating my time for my friends whom use to hang out together and now don't. SO! It's life. I decided to get over it.

And I also realized I hang out with people like me. If they can talk behind your back they can say the same damn thing to your face. The group I hang out with is very honest and loving towards each other. We hug say the L word and are just there for each other. The one thing I LOVE is that if we don't talk or hang out in months and suddenly a crisis comes up and we need advice or just venting we call each other and there's no "Well you ditched me for x amount of time...." Anyways I digress.

But yeah for me I think it's important to also remind myself WHY this person is no longer in the group. The WHY is important. I never want to hold someone accountable for something they did with someone else obviously but I want to be mindful "ok my friends didn't like this particular action of this person. I better keep my wits about me and make sure if it happens I bring it up as an area of opportunity for them if I'm gonna continue being friends with them." I'm pretty vocal about my concerns and in turn if someone has something to bring up with me I encourage it. It may not be comfortable to hear when I eff up, but I'd rather know than not.

I guess the morale of the story is think long and hard of the different scenarios that could play out by remaining friends with someone no longer in your "circle." Clearly it can go two ways either your bond with them is totally different or your friends were right. Either way if you feel that its worth it try it. The worse that can happen is your friends were right and you'd have to admit that with your tail between your legs LOL