the one about the garbage bag

Anyone who knows me knows I'm quite the frugal chef LOL (Not in cooking terms more in waste management). Typically when I go to restaurants and can't finish my meal I will take a to-go container and give it to a homeless person. Or I truly will eat it when I get home. Nothing ticks me off more than wasting money though.

I usually change my garbage bags when they get full. Makes sense right? Well this one time I dunno what my roommate and I were eating but it stank. It was rancid. We kept making faces at each other.

Me: Chris what did you eat?
Chris (will his shirt over his nose): Why you blaming me? It coulda easily been yo black ass with them chitlins and shit you be eating. (laughs) Just get rid of it.
Me (secretly laughing but outwardly pissed): The bag is only half way full...and I don't eat chitlins. Racist stereotyper.
He (playfully hugs me and says): Just get rid of it it stinks.

With that he leaves and goes to bed. I was so mad. Mad that he was right of course, but mad that I had to waste a damn bag. I sigh and take out the half bag and look for ANYTHING around the house to fill it with. Room trash. Maybe an old shirt not Goodwill worthy. Anything. I replace the bag with a fresh one and dump the now full one I did find stuff to put in.

As I walk up back to my apartment I realize that's how I view all things in my life. Every work situation. Friendships. And relationships...got me thinking about my most recent and failed relationship.

I dated someone I knew from date three of last year was not the one. I knew. I let him pursue me for a year because I had never been pursued before. It felt nice. Then I dated him for a month. A month I knew was not going to turn into forever, but I thought it could turn into for awhile. Just like that garbage bag. I knew there was nothing good that would come if I kept that bag there simply for the sake of it being full to the top.

With my last relationship I didn't intent to get burned. Not once but twice I was dumped. I know what you're thinking I like the drama like every gay man. But that's not it. For me it was "here is an individual whom has two or three opportunities NOT bad points. Maybe if I stick around those opportunities will become strengths." In the end I realized even though those are two or three opportunities they are BIGGIES. Ones he is not fully understanding he has nor willing to change. What's sad is he reminds me of myself about five years ago.

I was the type of person whom was so insecure about my body, my sense of self, and my own place in the world I would sabotage every friendship and relationship I got into. God bless my friends that have stayed with me. Megan and Jill have been my friend since September 1, 1985. Can you believe that? And I'm on great terms with my friends from high school. How many people can say that?