the one about time traveling

So there is a guy that I met back in 2008 and the minute I met him I was crushing hardcore. Unlike my other crushes this guy was 100% what I was looking for. Gay, single, and gorgeous. 5-11 muscular and masculine. AND super nice. For awhile I convinced myself if I waited he'd be single and we'd date. I waited, and when he was single he chose someone else. I was pretty heartbroken. We didn't even become close as friends (I have this thing that if I become friends with my crush I get over my crush instantly).

Fast forward to last night said crush contacts me. Mind you we haven't talked since I moved back home in June nor really prior to that. He tells me he's single and looking to hang out. You'd think my crush would come back right? WRONG! What I felt was anger. I lit into him about ditching me as a friend. I had one friend before whom ditched me for his bf then when they broke up wanted to hang out again. He vowed he'd never do that again but it took awhile for me to trust that. And I felt said former crush and I had the same thing going on.

Around him my guard is WAY up. What I know will happen is now that I'm closer to him (about two miles away) we will hang out as friends more, he'll get a new boyfriend OR go back to the ex, and I'll be ditched again OR subjected to hanging out with him and his new/old bf. I'm not jealous I just hate that feeling of being an afterthought or a second choice. He wants to hang out this Saturday so I agreed, but he wants to do the typical gay crap of clubs, bars, etc. I said NOPE! Dinner and a movie is all he gets. Anything else he needs to find other people to do that with.

It's odd that at this point in my life I can survive off hanging just with myself or Jamie's family. I haven't really made an effort to hang out with anyone else. Not for any other reason than...well I dunno. Maybe I should in 2012. I mean my friend Megan is one of my best friends on the planet since 1985 and I haven't seen her in a good 10 years. I should.