the one about drama vs. disagreements

So I have this friend that my core group of friends considers toxic. To the point when we hang out we spend at least 30 mins venting about how crazy he is. Now they are venting because he has caused such strife in their lives. It's a safe environment. But one thing they keep telling me is "David, you need to be done with him. He's toxic, self-destructive, and will drag you down." "No no he's changed I promise I wouldn't give him a second chance if he didn't." I'm lying to myself. I give people too many second chances and they don't deserve it.

On that note I realized most people today use the term drama incorrectly. Partly because it adds spice to a conversation to say "Oh this person is causing drama." So what's the difference between drama and a disagreement? Honesty. My roommate and I get into disagreements all the time. He's messy and leaves his dishes in the sink when we have a perfectly running dishwasher. I tell him to put it in there so I can run it. He doesn't. I let it go. Disagreement. Drama is creating a HUGE argument. Posting a facebook status about it. Texting him constantly how he's horrible. And ignoring him cuz of it. DRAMA!

And you get over disagreements. Generally in a disagreement it doesn't matter who's right or wrong. They are petty and you move on. I'm not looking for an apology from my roommate about damn dishes. He eventually puts the dishes in the dishwasher so I let it go and run the damn dishwasher when it's full. So this toxic person. Le sigh. He is KNOWN to cause drama. And I just wonder why? We had a disagreement. I let it go THINKING it was a disagreement but still a tiny bit annoyed. What does he do? Creates drama. Storms off. Texts our mutual friend how he's mad at me. Comes back. Then gets mad cuz I didn't apologize to HIM and then proceeds to text ME saying he doesn't know why I'M mad at him. One thing I feel is a point of no return though is when you swear at me.

I know it's completely childish, but when my friends swear at me joking I accept it. "Dude eff you" or I have a friend who jokingly flips me off. It's hilarious in a Ouisier Boudreaux way. When in the heat of your anger you tell me to "eff off" at that point I check out and you're done. I do not accept that. Sorry. He has done that to my circle of friends in the past too. DO NOT CREATE DRAMA OVER A DISAGREEMENT!

I have this saying "Get out of your own way." Immediately if one of my friends says something hurtful to me I will repeat that to myself. What I do is immediately take an assessment "Do they really mean it hurtfully to me? Have they said the same stuff in the past? Have I brought it up to them how I dislike being talked to/treated like that before? Would I be ok if they are no longer in my life?" If I answer no in my head to one or more of these questions I let it go. I maybe mention it to them "Hey what you said kinda hurt (insert sad face)" and we talk about it. But I do not end a friendship over a disagreement. With HIM every disagreement is a friendship ending moment. I cannot take that. And more importantly I do not have to.

I've driven him to the hospital, visited him in the hospital, stood up for him when people actually were trashing him, been his taxi MANY times, and my favorite opened my wallet when I knew I didn't have the cash. To be talked down to or mistreated by this person is in my mind completely unacceptable.

Folks the moral of the story is we are human. We are not perfect. Know that we will get into arguments with our best friends and it's not going to be pretty. The thing you need to remember is again there are Disagreements and there is Drama. Don't mix the two. A disagreement should NEVER lead into drama. If I were Hermione Granger I would perform the obliteration charm to erase the sense of urgency people turn disagreements into drama from people's brain.