...my C average life: 2014

Into The Woods

Let me start off by saying I've never seen the play nor did I know what this movie was about. I saw Rob Marshall directing Meryl Streep in a fantasy take off fairy tales and I was in! Having said that I gave it 3 stars here's why:

Without question this movie gets 3 stars. This review won't even be long because I am so disappointed in the movie. Yes Richard Armitage does a fantastic job, but I didn't read The Hobbit as a kid, so it's the screenwriter's and director's job to explain to me the nuances and little hidden gems. Why is Thorin going crazy? What's with the birds? TELL ME!

Yeah very disappointed since this will be the last movie...left a bad impression and sort of tainted the whole series a bit.

Horrible Bosses 2

I will say right off the bat the funniest sequel since "The Hangover 2"...I couldn't stop laughing from beginning to end. Keep reading...

This is by far one of the best Disney movies I've ever seen....but it's formulaic. Keep reading...

I saw this movie a week ago and needed time to process. This movie was AMAZING. 5 stars without hesitation. Keep reading...

I will sum this up in one review...this movie sucked. I give it the TWO stars it has in its title and I'm done. Bad movie. That's it. I'm done.

The one about unconditional love

So since I wrote three books about a transwoman I feel like a tiny part-time spokesperson for the transcommunity. Looking at transmen and women they aren't gay but not straight not bisexual. I mean some can be sexually but as far as body wise hmm I don't think I'm explaining this right.

Okay gay men are men who like other men but they don't want to change thei sex. Gay women are women who like other women. Straight men and women like each other. Bisexual men and women like both men and women. All six classes of men and women essentially don't want to change their sexual identities. With the transgender they can be into men or women BUT they must change their physical sexual identity. I say must because it's not a choice or a preference. It's a "if I want to be happy and die smiling I need to do this."

For these reasons are why Desiré Andersen is transgendered and not biological woman. Now having said all that lately I've been asking my straight guy friends "would you date a transwoman?" Immediate answer is no. Then I say "what if she didn't tell you until after you fell in love!" I was shocked to find out 50% would break up with her. I was sure they'd all say end it. And the ones that said no is because they wanted kids in the future. But some did say "I'd ride it out till the relationship ended it's course though I mean if I love her by that time?" Wow! Love really is unconditional I guess. What are your thoughts? Would you date a transwoman as a biological male? Biological women would you feel threatened by transwomen? Straight guys transmen? Comment below.

Interstellar

A mess. Set in the distant future the concept is Earth's resource are being depleted, and we need space travelers to go into outer space and explore. Matthew McConaughey is a widowed farmer dad with an engineering background. He is recruited to lead the exploration by Michael Caine. The team consists of Anne Hathaway (Michael Caine's daughter), Wes Bentley, and David Gyasi. I give this movie 3 stars...I KNOW! I'm a huge Christopher Nolan fan, but it only really gets most of it's 3 stars due to the amazing visual effects. Keep reading...

If you like a monster movie with a heart, run don't walk to this movie...if you can try to fly haha sorry bad Dracula joke. The story is about the Prince of Transylvania doing ANYTHING NECESSARY to defend his land and his family from the Turks. This movie is easily the best Dracula film I've seen since Francis Ford Coppola's "Bram Stoker's Dracula." Luke Evans is SUCH an underrated actor. This man can scare you, make you cry, make you drool, and make you pity him all in one scene. There's not one time in this movie you ever dislike Prince Vlad the Impaler. No doubt 5 stars. Keep reading...

He's back...or did he ever leave? Denzel Washington stars in "The Equalizer." The story about an average man working at Home Mart (think Home Depot) whom becomes a vigilante after murdering the people who beat his teenage prostitute friend...only he didn't just murder ordinary pimps. He killed one of the heads of the Russian mob. This changes the course of his life and those around him. Keep reading...

Ben Affleck plays the salt-of-the-Earth former writer turned college professor whose wife goes missing the day of their 5th anniversary. But here's the twist: his wife is Amy of the famous book serious Amazing Amy. Amazing Amy was a book series about a prodigy kid that her parents wrote, published, and made millions off of. Of course this is now national news. Whenever there's a missing person the closest relative is the prime suspect, in this case it'd be Ben Affleck's Nick. But did he kidnap Amy? Better yet did he kill her? Keep reading..

And I say this with all honesty...WOW! This is the tween movie to end all tween movies. Forget Divergent, The Hunger Games, and Harry Potter. The Maze Runner is probably one of the best tween movies I've ever seen. Without hesitation 5 out of 5 stars. Keep reading...

The one about the rude former celeb crush

So there is a "celebrity" I had a huge crush on. I say "celebrity" because he had really one movie he starred in. Anyways I'm not gonna clown on him his movie I thought he did a good acting job in, but i digress.

Discovered him this spring, followed him on Instagram, Facebook, and twitter. Promoted his movie. Talked about his projects on my podcast. Tried generating interest about him via social media and telling my friends to follow him. Follow me so far? Well then I asked him via FB messenger "If I had a movie idea would you star?" He starts talking to me about a nudity clause & his "riders." I stressed again this was an idea I had nothing set in stone yet. He then proceeded to talk down to me like I had somehow misled or played him. Now to back up for a second on all his social media and his blog he not bork says how his you get self is his hero, but how no one understands him and ppl in Hollywood only want to sleep w him that's why he basically walked away from acting. He also has been on SIX different college football teams in two years. Each time he blames then for you guessed it not understanding him and harassing him.

Well I decide to show my support towards him I'd help fund his latest project. The more posts I see of his the more disgusting that he works on his physical well-being and no time spent on his mental well-being. Plus the project I was helping to fund and promote wa outrageously priced. I emailed him in all honesty and explained my impulse purchase, but that I decided to get a refund. His response?

"David, you've been a pain in my ass since you stalked me on social media. Please remove yourself from my accounts, or I'll do it."

I was shocked, and I wasn't. I was shocked someone whom considers himself a celebrity would show the act of a petulant child. So had I not asked for a refund he would've put up w my "stalker ass?" Interesting. And labeling himself "King of Selfies," having a billion diffract social media accounts and I followed three constitues me being a stalker? Last I checked a stalker showed up at you're house, called you, talked to your friends. I'm almost positive a stalker wouldn't try helping you lol now I will take responsibility for being a hardcore flirt. And sometimes I take flirting too serious. I actually took a minute to reach out to ppl I flirt w hardcore and apologized if I ever took it too far. It actually answered some questions I was doubting about myself, but it also brought me a lil closer to my flirtees on a friendship level.

I immediately responded back to him with some of the points I outlined above. Well first I wrote an email that ripped him a new asshole. After finishing and reading it I deleted it. My goal of the reply to him was to get him to understand he can't shame ppl who he feels reject him. If you think about it he cyberbullied me. You should read some things ppl say to hi openly. I never disrespected him, so what gives him the right to disrespect me? I don't care whom you are I'm not putting up w that.

My favorite line in my reply was "goodbye and good luck." I told him what he did was inexcusable, but I harbor no ill will in that one sentence. In life when you say things you can't take back there they are. Forever hanging there. My friend called it tiu. Said he was a narcissistic ass whom thinks everyone not kissing his ass is against him. "The minute you showed what he deemed a lack of support he turned in you. He really has no grasp of what it means to have fans aka strangers support you, friendships, or relationships. I checked out his blog and even he knows he's narcissistic. Anyone who calls himself his own hero has little grasp on reality. Besides David, the time and energy you spend on this jerk could be spent on an actual nice celeb that'll appreciate you." That friend is right.

Sin City: A Dame to Kill For

If you liked the first "Sin City" you will love this one. It's too good not to see...but it feels a little bit dated. Keep reading.

Double Feature

I went to see #TeenageMutuantNinjaTurtles and #IntoTheStorm back to back. Read below to see my review of both.

Nothing and no one will EVER beat The Avengers in my mind. That is and always will be hands down the best superhero movie of all time...Guardians of the Galaxy in my opinion is the second best superhero movie of all time. It is in the words of Queen Beyoncé #Flawless. And I dare someone to challenge me. (read below)

I'm mad as Hell, and I'm not gonna take it anymore. I am soooooooooooo mad about how horrible this movie is. I really am. ZERO STARS!...keep reading below.

Hmm. And hmm. I dunno what to say about this movie. Sometimes you watch a movie and leave it with a better understanding of yourself or question things. And I love me some ScarJo, buuuuuuuuuuuuuuut I dunno. I just don't know. (read below)

Lemme just start off my saying this: The Rock in a Sandal & Swords Grecian movie where he's the titular character of Hercules. I immediately put on the mom voice of "The Nutty Professor" and clapped saying "Hercules, Hercules." Going into the film I said to myself "this will be dumb. The Rock is a former Wrestler." I say publicly and loudly I WAS WRONG! Out of 5 stars I give this 10 stars. SERIOUSLY! Why? Because I was shocked as shit! I will also go on record and saying my fave movie of 2014 Summer. (keep reading below)

I am right off the bat gonna give this 4 out of 5 stars...I'm also going to say hands down one of my top 5 fave movies of the year. So why not 5 stars? Keep reading...

Let me start off by saying my expectations were low. Rise of the Planet of the Apes felt very contained. You think of an summer ape movie and you want grandiose sets, big action scenes, drama drama drama. Well this made up for that movie. It was everything a summer ape movie should be. The special effects, acting, sets, action scenes, and drama were top-notch. This is one of those movies you want to see again and again.

I will have to give it five stars. It wasn't perfect, but it tried so dang hard. I loved how they related the movie prior and mixed everything together. I don't care if you liked the other movie, you WILL like this. Such a mixture of humor and drama. Run don't walk to see this.

I, Frankenstein & Robocop (2014)

I, Frankstein

I will just start off by saying it's a four out of five stars.

The idea is original and fast-paced. I loved Aaron Eckhart as an action star, but the scene stealer is Jai Courtney. He truly is on the verge of being huge. He's just waiting for the right project I can tell. If you haven't seen it it's a must see.

Not a whole heck of alot to say. It was good, but coulda been better.

Read below for my Robocop (2014) review...

Mark Wahlberg is Cade Yeager, an ameteur inventor living on a farm. He's also a widowed dad of a teenage girl. To keep food on the table he cleans up messy buildings and restores them. He happens upon Optomus Prime in his small town in Texas. Interesting right? Keep reading....

Tom Cruise is in yet another futuristic action/drama. I don't know why he keeps making these, but this one is actually quite good. Keep reading.

She's baaaaaaaaaaack! No not the evil queen from "Sleeping Beauty" named Maleficent, but Angelina Jolie. She's been out of the spotlight raising dem kids, directing, and recovering from a double mastecomy. She makes ONE movie and BAM relevancy upped. Oh just keep reading...

"22 Jump Street" is a tongue-in-cheek sequel. It starts off with the "McQuaid" brothers on assignment as undercover cops trying to infiltrate the online college market. It goes so horribly wrong their chief brings them into his office to say "We are going back to basics. The Mayor thinks you did a bad job on this because you didn't stick to what you know. So you're using the same identities only you're going to real college. I know it's not going to be the same, but hey..." It was a direct play to the sequel franchise.

Bryan Cranston plays a nuclear physicist working for a Japanese power plant while living in Japan with his family. An "accident" leaves him a widower to raise his son. His suspicions ruin his life over the years as well as his relationship with his son. His son grows up to be sexy Aaron Taylor-Johnson who is the husband of Elizabeth Olsen as he works as an explosive expert in the navy. Ken Watanabe & Sally Hawkins play scientists that know the truth behind "the accident." Award winning/nominated cast I mean the cast is amazing. So why'd I give it 3 out of 5 stars? Keep reading.

What a great flick! I will say this: definitely 4 out of 5 stars, but I will explain below.

Lemme just get this outta the way: out of 5 stars this movie gets 10 stars. WOW! I will not include any spoilers, but lemme tell you this is the kinda movie that made me do the "Kim Kardashian ugly cry." And that's all the damn spoilers you get, mister. Okay keep reading my review...

I'm not gonna lie I watched every frame of "Almighty Thor" simply to satisfy my obsession with Cody Deal. I currently follow him on twitter, FB, and Instagram (twitches) I'm obsessed with him. But hey I can be objective when it comes to movies...but he will be the father of my unborn children FYI.

The one about being a writer vs. a self-published author

So I think people think because I have published two books and working on a third that I'm a writer. I'm a writer who's got the special abilities to come up with anything creative and know the entire English dictionary inside and out. That's equivalent to a doctor knowing every single thing about the human body; even though he's a plastic surgeon. But he has Doctor before his name.

I'm a self-published author. I came up with a story, but I'm not a professional. Writers are Jane Austen, William Shakespeare, JK Rowling, and Stephen King. These people have worldwide success as their talent gave them a career. That's what I aspire to be, but I'm not gonna pretend I'm something I'm not. Thanks for the compliment though.

Divergent

If you haven't read the books GO SEE THIS MOVIE. The world in the future is divided into four factions (agriculture, medical, law, and police force-I'm simplizing). At the age of 16 you take a mental test to see which faction you belong in. Some are born and bred in the faction, others can choose to leave their faction, others don't belong at all and are factionless. And others possess all four factions within them called Divergent. Thing is NO ONE likes Divergents. The factionless aren't threats they are simply today's homeless, but Divergents are a "threat" to society. Therein lies the story.

File:Captain America The Winter Soldier.jpg

Let me say I am glad it's not called "Captain America 2" like most superhero/comic book movies will be. Because this is basically an updated version of the brilliant first one. What I mean by that is it's got the 3 C's: Clever, Consistency, and Consciousness. When I say this I mean it's conscious of the other Marvel movies, consistent timeline, and it cleverly weaves in original and comic book situations. You are never sure what will happen or how things will end. And I LOVE that. Easily 5 stars out of five.

The thing about Russia I got out of this video is you can be a heterosexual bastard. You can be a murderer or bad parent or bank robber and you STILL have more rights than a gay person. WHY THE HELL do people care so much about who is gay and who isn't? Do gay people have magical spells we cast? It drives me bonkers when people oppose something that's NONE OF THEIR EFFIN BUSINESS! But you know I thank Michael "sexy as fcuk" Lucas for bringing this to my attention. He's sexy because he's brave for exposing the truth about his home country. Easily five stars outta five. If you haven't seen this please do; America may not be perfect, but we're LIGHT YEARS ahead of other countries.

You can pick up the video here.

Non-Stop

The movie "Non-Stop" is about Liam Neeson as a Federal Air Marshal who's life has taken a downward spiral...it only gets more complicated when he takes a routine flight with random passenger Julianne Moore. Someone on the plane is going to kill a passenger every 20 minutes until a ransom of $150 million is paid to a bank account that...is in Liam Neeson's character's name. WTF is going on?! I give this movie four out of five stars. Here's why:

Tom Hanks plays Captain Richard Phillips of a ship on Somali border taking cargo seaboard. Barkhad Abdi plays the leader of a pirate quartet trying to take the ship hostage and bring it back to Somali. Simple right?! Nothing is simple about what happens in the two hour movie. It's complex, intense, and brilliant. Easily another five out of five stars EXCEPT for one minor detail that pisses me off to no end...

I'm gonna say it "12 Years A Slave" bored me. Yup I said it. Here's why the performances were great, but I felt the story has been told COUNTLESS times prior. I felt like I was watching a repeat of Django Unchained. Lupita was good, but the woman who played Eliza did a better job. I felt more heartbreak for her character having been basically rendered "barren" than I did for Lupita's Patsy. And one thing about the script that BUGGED me was it felt like it was written for a good performance. My meaning: Solomon couldn't trust anyone and it was obvious to the AUDIENCE but not to him, the story had unresolved plots, details weren't explained, characters come in and leave without reason....JUST A HOT MESS!

I would give this three stars out of five. I wouldn't have awarded it Best Picture at all...maybe Gravity.

Gravity

Sandra Bullock stars as a scientist on her first mission in space with vet played by George Clooney. The beginning sequence is a little cheesy special effects wise but the rest of the movie is PHENOMENAL! Easily five stars out of five. There isn't really a ton to review since everyone knows the entire plot: Girl goes in space with boy, something happens that damages their ship, to save one the other sacrifices themselves, one survives the end. LOL Sandra & George were a perfect pairing. I love when Hollywood does that and then we think "Duh why didn't this happen before?" This is one of those original Hollywood blockbusters that flipped the bird to all those movie fans that say "Hollywood never does original big budget movies." Well here ya go! Strong female driven movie, simple plot, great special effects. (Claps for all involved) In the words of Beyonce...Bow down bitches!

Pompeii

Kit Harington from "Game of Thrones" plays the lead in this based on true events story of a city lost. Think of it like a volcano version of "Titanic." The disaster is real but everything else is left up to interpretation.

Nebraska is about an elder man played to perfection by Bruce Dern who receives a letter in the mail stating he MAY have won the lottery (sort of like Publisher's Clearinghouse). He decides to walk from Billings MT to Lincoln NB to collect. Of course his two grown sons and wife object. No one thinks he's won except him, but that's not the real point. When his youngest son (Will Forte) decides to drive his dad it's an adventure that changes their lives and everyone around them.

Philomena Lee is a 70 something woman still looking for the son taken away from her when she was just 20 years old. And that's all I can say without giving away the plot. BUT I loved it...

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